Salaam everyone!
I’ve spent the last two weeks trying
to sort out all the thoughts that have been attacking my writer-self. I spent an
over excessive amount of time worrying that these thoughts are the main reason
that I haven’t been able to write anything that I considered of substance since
the beginning of the new year.
Needless to mention, I woke up early
yesterday with a pounding headache and enough worries to make me feel like
this:
I was home alone with a never-ending list of priorities and just didn’t want to get out of bed. Outside, it was a gorgeous San Diego day, straight out of a travel brochure, and I couldn’t get myself to get up and enjoy it. I felt like I was suffocating. I could feel the walls of my room caving in and the cool sheets of my bed wrapping themselves around my legs and waist. I was snapped out of it with a text from my younger brother, who was on his lunch break.
Upon asking how I was doing that
morning, I complained that it was a beautiful day, but I felt guilty taking
advantage of it when I hadn’t been writing consistently. I needed an outlet to
vent and I couldn’t think of anyone better than my little brother to hear me
through my sulking. I knew he would turn me right around.
[Warning: grammatically incorrect
text-style dialogue ahead.]
After telling me I needed to put my
tawakul in Allah and force myself to get better sleep, he added, “Take breaks frequently like doing something spontaneous
like when you would go to Coronado.”
He was good, throwing my own words
back at me. I needed to escape somewhere to relax that wasn’t indoors, like a
coffee shop with nothing but my computer and coffee as company. I preach it on
my blog, but just wasn’t feeling it.
I sighed and replied back, “I’m sitting here worrying about not having another blog
post tomorrow… I was planning on doing something spontaneous and writing
somewhere new, but picking up sis from school got in the way of it today.”
The moment I sent that text, I caught
my mistake. Did you? Saying I was “planning on doing something spontaneous”,
specifically using the word “planning”, is the exact opposite of spontaneity.
My OCD perfectionist nature was getting in the way of my writing again and need
to just… chillax.
My brother let that go, “I have an idea for your blog post tomorrow.. Try a
negative post. Like talk about how you’ve been feeling and stressing and not
sleeping…”
Stress and anxiety are relatable
topics, but I instantly countered him, “I thought
about it, but that would be a really bad idea… I only let a little slip
through, but surround it with positive vibes. Like the post on life and death I
did.”
I tumbled out of bed, “Ok, I’m finished venting. I’m going to go make coffee
and pray.”
There’s an excessive amount of
negativity that surrounds us on a daily basis, and I hate bringing it into my
writing and especially my blogging. I use my personal writing and this blog to alleviate
stress. This is my place to breathe. Negativity is a part of human nature, but
I don’t believe that I have the right to drop my negativity on others.
I decided to get dressed and run a few
errands. While running around, I took a quick coffee break and actually sat
down. You don’t believe me? Here’s proof!
I tried something new and asked the
barista if she could combine two of their new drinks for me to make an iced
caramel and vanilla bean latte topped with foam and caramel. I’m not a coffee
shop food person, but that jalapeño cheese stuffed croissant was calling my
name. Yes, all this tasted as delicious as it looked.
Yes, I did feel silly taking a picture
of this, but hey, I can pretend to be a cool young person, right? Right?!
Even
though I was out taking care of a few things, I was still alone with my loud
thoughts. My brother’s idea of addressing negativity kept swimming in between
them. As I tried sorting through it all, I realized that all my thoughts these
past two weeks brought me back to one word I have noticed everyone dealing
with.
Qana’ah, which from Arabic translates
to the act of having satisfaction with what we have.
This is
not to be mistaken with just settling and giving up on striving to achieve our
goals and dreams!
As human
beings, we are NEVER satisfied with what we have been blessed with and
constantly look to what others have that we don’t. We used to deal with this
more if we were surrounded with people who bragged of what they had often or,
quite the opposite, complained insistently of what their life lacked. Now, we
have the internet and social media that has taken their place.
I know
all of you have seen those endless articles and “studies” on how Facebook and
other social media sites lead to our unhappiness and depression. Alhamdulillah, I don’t have anything
other than Facebook, but I can understand where these articles are coming from…
to an extent.
Even if
you argue that you don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other means of
mass sharing information to the world that I am unaware of, you have the
internet with a variety of articles on how we “should” and “need” to live our
lives.
They
usually go a little like this, but I may have SLIGHTLY changed the titles:
EAT THIS AND
BE THE HEALTHIEST PERSON TO EVER LIVE!
OMG! THIS
RARE AND SUPER EXPENSIVE VEGATABLE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
FEELING
FAT AND OBTUSE TODAY? LOSE WEIGHT NOW! THINK YOU DON’T NEED IT? HAHA! YOU. ARE.
WRONG!
WANT TO
LOVE YOUR BODY FOR HOW IT IS? GET BEYONCÉ’S THIGHS AND KIM KARDASHIAN’S BUTT
NOW!
GET THIS
SUPER COOL AND HIP LOOK THAT WILL ONLY COST HALF A MONTH’S PAYCHECK AND FEEL
LIKE A CELEBRITY!
CHOOSE THESE MONEY-MAKING CAREERS AND YOU WILL SURELY SUCCEED IN LIFE!
[Don't worry, we'll give you the exact option to make the decision to choose a major and degree you will suffer through in belief that a plethora of jobs await you the moment you graduate!]
CHOOSE THESE MONEY-MAKING CAREERS AND YOU WILL SURELY SUCCEED IN LIFE!
[Don't worry, we'll give you the exact option to make the decision to choose a major and degree you will suffer through in belief that a plethora of jobs await you the moment you graduate!]
YOU MUST
MARRY YOUNG TO GAIN ULTIMATE HAPPINESS!
[Oh, you
didn’t have control over this and aren’t considered young anymore?]
HAVING
CHILDREN IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS!
[Can’t
have kids?]
FOLLOW
THESE EXACT STEPS TO BEING ALONE!
[Happiness
not guaranteed.]
My
ultimate favorite articles to hate are the lists that tell me how to live my
life at every age.
20 THINGS
YOU MUST DO IN YOUR TWENTIES!
Reaction:
Hold up, let me go pluck a couple hundred thousand dollars off my money trees… Be
right back!
What’s
worse are the ways in which we share those articles and comment on them. With a
lack of interaction in person, anything and everything can be taken negatively
through forms of online communication.
Be honest
with yourself, how depressed do you feel after these articles? Why do we even
read them? Who are these people that apparently have all the ingredients to
living life the “right” way?
I said I understand
these articles to an extent, because I believe we have the power to take what
we want from them and leave the rest behind. This is a tricky thing to do, I
know.
When it
comes to Facebook or any social media site where we stay in touch with family, friends, and acquaintances, I compare
it to how I view the film adaptations of books.
If you think about it clearly,
Facebook is the movie version of the book we call our life.
SubhanaAllah,
unless our friends are explicitly complaining or airing their every detail of
their lives to us, we tend to quickly compare our life to theirs and always
sell ourselves short. The reality is that we don’t know how others are
struggling. I surely don’t post anything on social media. When I do, it’s
extremely rare and always something that gives off good vibes.
For all we know, the person on the
other end of the wonderful status or picture we see could really be this:
Obviously, I’m exaggerating. I still
support the fact that sometimes the thought of something is better than the
reality. Hey, this is why I escape into my books and choose writing,
particularly fiction, as my solace.
That being said, if I have ever taken
anything from any of those articles telling me how to achieve happiness, it’s
to never compare myself to others.
“Comparison is
the thief of joy.
Theodore
Roosevelt
I wrote this in my previous post, but
I believe it needs to be re-stated. It’s easy to compare our happiness with
others based on the narrow view that they give us of their lives. So easy to
feel a sense of jealousy for what we don’t have and forget all that we do have.
The successful person is able to step back from what they think they want and
actually look at how much they already have. Recognize your blessings and stop
worrying about what you don’t have control over.
Comparing your life to someone else’s
life, even if you think you know everything about this person, say it’s your
identical twin, is just another chain holding you back from living your life to
the fullest.
“Life is what
happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”
Allen Saunders
I don’t believe that there is a
concrete definition for happiness. Feeling content, satisfied, accomplished,
and overall blessed comes from our own view on life and how we want to live it.
It’s in our hands to reach that level of peace and serenity in our hearts.
“The moment
you change your perception, is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your
body.”
Dr. Bruce
Lipton
Reaching the level of qana’ah, satisfaction, is in our
control.
If you love lists like I do and have
been searching for the PERFECT list on how to live your life well, I would
suggest this one. The lifestyle of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
provides the perfect list for me.
May Allah swt allow us to reach a
level of qana’ah that allows us to appreciate every blessing that has been
given to us, while also being inspired to achieve greatness.
I’m off to rest and wish you all a
good night’s sleep!
Tusbahu ala kheir!
(May you wake up in a state of
goodness/happiness!)
Hanoon