tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92154907862619670142024-03-05T15:54:38.513-08:00A Glimpse into a Perfectionist Writer's InsanityOh, hello there!Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-73302727724093708072015-09-12T21:59:00.001-07:002015-09-12T21:59:14.145-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #10<span style="text-indent: 0in;">Original entry on September 12, 2015</span><br /><div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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My mom and I are out buying items for
the house. When we arrive to the cashier, the conversation gets
interesting. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Cashier: I like what you're
wearing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Thank you! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: What do you call your
outfit? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Uh, nothing special. Just an
outfit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I'm wearing blue jeans, a colorful
shirt, and a blue hijab. All bought in the U.S.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Her: Oh, so you don't call it
anything? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Nope. Just an outfit. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Oooh. Just outfit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She opens her hands and moves them in
the same way I would describe a rainbow.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Well, it's nice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Thank you! That's kind of
you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As she's bagging our items.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: So, are you Chaldean? Where are
you from? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My mom laughed. We get this question
in San Diego all the time, which is always odd because Chaldeans are Christian.
Not Muslim. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Mom: We're Palestinian. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Paaleestiiinian. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She says it slowly, not in an
offensive way, but as if she's trying the name out for the first time. She
shakes her head, acknowledging the name.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Mom: From Jerusalem. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Oh, well. Welcome! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She opens her hands as if she's
welcoming us to the country for the first time. Both my mom and I laugh. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Mom: We're from here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Actually, I was even born and
raised here. I'm American. We both are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Mom: I've been here for over 27 years.
My family isn't new here. I even studied here. Got a doctorate here too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My mom and I both smile.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Oh! Your English is so good! You
speak both languages? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She looks at me as she says this and
then to my mom.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Mom: Yeah, we all speak English
well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Did you teach her both at
home? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Mom: Yes, same as all my
children. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: You must have done a good
job. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We thank her and say our goodbyes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She seemed like a very sweet and nice
old lady, so I knew I needed to hold back my sarcasm that was sitting at the
tip of my tongue, when she complimented my apparently "exotic"
looking outfit and accent-less English. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
But, it's still mind boggling that
people assume there's this one image of what an "American" looks
like. With my SoCal tongue and western dress topped with a hijab, I'm as
awesomely American, and specifically totally Southern Californian, as you can
get. I do however enjoy when people do ask questions rather than hold on to their
ignorance. That's what I liked about this sweet lady. Because, I would rather
do the same. We're all ignorant in something or more and I believe educating
oneself is the always the key. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I hope her weekend is as sweet as she
was to my mother and I.<o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-54469398933760892412015-08-28T12:33:00.001-07:002015-09-02T03:06:23.108-07:00Female, Muslim, and Single<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; text-indent: 0in;">I
was sitting in a little hut overlooking the ocean at La Jolla Cove, taking
cover from the hot sun in hopes of feeling a breeze from the ocean's
currents. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxj9KCdL-tL5b5KAMyQi-kRFk2kNLHf5r3sTjnT3yiqyAFJLkhudNKOCA_CRY1vqOBY0ZZU34vWhdznbHogcxwaf8_aruBDeAfaFNatpqH8SZ3hKDOxV3LYQsRgG3Q9xVJ295kbSGSd6E/s1600/IMG_3056.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxj9KCdL-tL5b5KAMyQi-kRFk2kNLHf5r3sTjnT3yiqyAFJLkhudNKOCA_CRY1vqOBY0ZZU34vWhdznbHogcxwaf8_aruBDeAfaFNatpqH8SZ3hKDOxV3LYQsRgG3Q9xVJ295kbSGSd6E/s320/IMG_3056.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">[My reading spot… Endless ocean. Endless
beauty.] <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I had just spent the last hour alone
with my thoughts and needed a break from reality. As I pulled out my Nook to
read, I was joined by an older woman. We both smiled at each other while we
enjoyed our view. Suddenly, the hut was full with two more older women and a
family of south Asian decent. Despite my headphones blasting music, I overheard
the oldest woman that just walked in, who was white, tell the first older woman
that was in the hut with me that she was 91 years old. The woman she spoke to
replied that she was in her 70s and the 91-year-old exclaimed, “Oh, my! You’re
still young!” Everyone laughed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I smiled to myself. Only a few moments
ago I was thinking of how I had lived 27 years of my life and felt like that
age should mean something in the wider scope of things and where I thought I
would be at 27 every year since I had graduated from high school. I spent the
day thinking over the past 27 years and how few goals I felt like I have met.
While I know I have accomplished a lot in my life, AlhamduliAllah, society has
made me feel old at 27 years of age. With the expectations that by now I should
be holding a successful career, be married, and thinking of more than just
staying afloat in this crazy world my generation has entered…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I tune back into the conversation and
I hear the 91-year-old telling everyone that she lived in San Diego while her
daughter, who stood next to her, was visiting from Los Angeles. "Where are
you from?" she asked the south Asian family. "We're visiting from Los
Angeles." They informed her. She asked again, to confirm that they did
indeed mean the city two hours away from us and I could tell by her follow-up
questions that she doubted them because of their accents.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
A while later, I hear them questioning
something floating in the ocean so I look up and respond to their inquires,
"Oh, that's just the seaweed being pushed into that area because of the
how rough the water has been today." The daughter claimed that she could
see the green floating on top and she was right. The 91-year-old mother turned
to me astonished by what I quickly assumed (maybe by my own biases) my
accent-less English.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Oh! Are you from here??" She
asked me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yeah, from San Diego
actually." I smile, holding her gaze.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She clapped excitedly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"You go to school at the
university?"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Oh, no. I did, but that was
years ago." Suddenly, I am flooded with old memories, per usual
whenever I think of UCSD.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"You went to UCSD?" She
didn't hide her surprise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yeah." I laughed.
"Years ago."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Wonderful!" She held my
hand affectionately. "I worked there years ago! My daughter also attended
UCSD and my granddaughter is there now."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Oh, wow. That's great. It's a
great school. Beautiful area to study in." I looked out at the glistening,
endless ocean.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
She went on to tell me that she worked
for the first chancellor at UCSD and when she told me the last chancellor she
worked for that was there before her retirement I withheld telling her that I
had no idea who any of those chancellors were. I was too young to even know of
them. I let her know I graduated in 2010, five years ago. They laughed at how I
felt that was forever ago.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"What did you study? What are
your goals? What are you doing now?" A familiar set of questions came at
me one after another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As I answered all of their questions,
their shock grew and I realized they were actually impressed by my studies and
what I do now. This time, it was my turn to be shocked at their reactions.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"How wonderful! You keep at it!
Don't ever stop!" The mother leaned over and held my hand again and patted
my knee for encouragement.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Realizing the time and knowing I
needed to move my car soon, I excused myself. "It was wonderful chatting
with you all. Have a lovely rest of your day!" I meant it with my
entire heart. As I walked away, I prayed that their day would be as happy
filled as they had just made me feel. Their kindness stayed with me for the
rest of the day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I wished then that I could have stayed
and chatted more with them. It was the first conversation that I have had since
graduating from UCSD, long before graduate school, that I was asked –
especially by women – strictly about my studies and career without a word
asking about my relationship or marital status. It definitely wasn’t something
that I could easily miss about the conversation. I wondered if it was because
the women asking were white, or rather not from a cultural background that held
marriage as a priority for a young woman. I also felt younger, renewed in a
sense, from the conversation making me remember that at 27, I really was as
young as I felt. My life is still just beginning, especially for my generation
and in this day and age. As long as Allah swt continues to bless me with
another day, it’s another day that I will continue to make the most of my life,
with both my faith and my future goals.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It doesn’t escape me that in Middle
Eastern culture, a woman who has reached the age of 25 is joked about to be
“expired”. When I turned 25, I finally confirmed that it was less of a joke and
more of a belief people did hold when older women began to explicitly ask me
what I thought my degrees would get me now that it was less likely men would
see me as a viable option for marriage unless they were much older than me. I
always saw it as such an odd assessment for a generation in which women have
chosen to continue their education and look for stable jobs, out of necessity
in this day and age, which also meant that especially American Muslims were
getting married by American standards – closer to 30 years of age.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I always held strong to my faith and
stood firm against anyone’s preconceived judgment of my future, knowing all too
well that God has already written for me what’s best. While I know my purpose
in life is to serve Allah swt, not having met any of society’s narrow-minded
standards at times makes me question my past, present, and future road that I
am on. But I also know that tawakul, trust and faith in God’s path for me, is
the strongest and most difficult part of my faith.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As I walked away, I couldn’t help but
recall how I had felt before that simple conversation. I was thinking of my
role models, my true rode model in Islam. The person I can only aspire to be
and learn from for the rest of my life, Khadija bint Khwalid (may Allah swt
have mercy on her soul) who was the Prophet Mohammad’s (peace be upon him)
first wife. She was and still stands as the most firm and solid example of a
woman that was empowering, independent, fierce, strong, loving, and all sorts
of incredible. She was a woman that understood that as a woman you CAN hold all
those qualities – independent and fierce business woman – but also want to
share your life with another, a significant other, as a wife and mother.
Because being a strong, independent woman and wanting to one day find your
naseeb – in my case, a strong man full of deen and love for my creator,
prophet, and me to share my life with – are not two separate roads. If you
choose and Allah swt grants it, they can lead to one road.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As an Ummah, we seem to forget this,
or rather be blinded by our cultural standards for a woman to not believe this.
We put women in boxes, something that Islam eliminated. Our female role models
in Islam are everything from mothers and wives to teachers, doctors, and
soldiers. They were each their own versions of a warrior, battling the
stereotypes of women in cultural ideals. While I speak of the Middle Eastern
culture, stereotyping women as being either independent or dependent on a man
is very well alive in all cultures, even here in America. We’re flooded with
the idea of being either single or in a relationship. Honestly, as Muslims, we
should know better. We should understand that no matter how much we make dua
and put ourselves out there, ultimately Allah swt makes the last decision. Our
rizq, or blessings, are in the hands of Allah swt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
You all should know by now that
marriage or gender relationships are not something I speak of. I’m a private
person in that I don’t feel comfortable writing about marriage and
relationships, or even having conversations about this subject with my own
family and closest of friends. I have steered away from ever truly posting or
blogging about it. But after my travels/move to NYC, it wasn’t something that I
could pretend to ignore anymore. Traveling as a female of my age while single
was considered taboo to simply 97% to anyone I spoke to, even women I
considered to hold that persona of “feminist.” More than any other risks and
path I have taken in my life, not being married was the subject between friends
and family that has shown me true sides of people I cared about and made me see
how they viewed me and my life. I was under a microscope to those who were
aware that I was struggling to find a stable job and start my career. Their
answer to all my problems was, “If you were married…” I won’t deny that having
someone by my side may have eased certain situations in my life – and trust me
when I admit to you all here the countless times I made dua to Allah swt
because I wished I had someone by my side – but I also knew that marriage alone
was the farthest solution to any of my problems.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
So, why am I bringing this up now? Why
am I choosing to be open about this? A few weeks ago, a well-known and young
female posted something about being proud of being an independent and strong
women. While I don’t follow this particular person anywhere on social media,
the post popped up on my newsfeed allowing me to read the responses
specifically from young and married Muslim women. Among all the negative
comments, the one that struck me the most was from a Muslim who condescendingly
argued that choosing to be single was “selfish” to anyone involved. Selfish? It
was this comment that made me sad. I could not help but take it personally, on
my behalf and on behalf of so many sisters that were in my same situation. She
claimed all these statements using Islam and deen as her evidence. Too many
commentators believed they were reminding sisters of their responsibility to
“half their deen” to get married and have children. Because, you know, it is
just that simple. All I have to do is snap my fingers and a man will appear on
my doorstep to propose. And all I have to do is be open minded and “unselfish”
enough to accept.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Let me make something clear. I am no
scholar. I am still learning about my own faith. I have so much to learn, but
based on my Islamic school teachings, I believe that if I died tomorrow as a
single 27-year-old, it will be Allah swt that chose for me to not yet be
married. Just as retuning to Him will also be what he has written for me. He
alone has written this for me. I have full faith that I won’t be asked about my
missing half my deen, especially when it is not something I have explicitly
chosen. I am not walking around with half my faith and if Allah swt writes for
me to be married, I will not have suddenly found the other half of my faith. It
will mean that half my deen will be my spouse and what I do after that will
affect both of us. My spouse will become half my deen. If I die tomorrow, I
will be asked about how I spent this life, my deen, my knowledge and how I
chose to spend it and what I did to better and take care of my Ummah. I will
know that if Jannah awaits me (inshaAllah!!!), then my naseeb will be there in
heaven waiting for me. God alone knows what is best for me and THAT is true
faith in Islam and God’s message to us.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It’s important as an Ummah, and for
every person out there that Allah has blessed with a significant other, that
the next time you look down on your single sister (I say sister because we all
know our brothers don’t get the same ridiculousness that we do), to remember
that the next time you see a single woman that stands tall in her strength and
fierceness, don’t be quick to judge and assume she wants the life of
singlehood. Don’t judge if she did make this choice for herself. Personally, I
have yet to meet a woman that wants to spend the rest of her life alone. Maybe
she wants to get her career going so that she marries a man that sees her for
the independent woman that she is. Or maybe she just claims to not be ready.
(Same goes for any man that I have met.) While it may be her choice and maybe
she does choose to be single, it is Allah swt alone who wills whether her
naseeb and rizq is in this life or the next. This is to be understood whether
it is about marriage or employment or anything else.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Allah swt has written for her what is
best and if she has strong faith, she will understand that only the best for
her awaits her. Another reality is that it may very well not be her choice at
all. Some have not reached that level of being ready for marriage. Some are
burdened with so much in life that marriage has not consumed them... yet. Some
have never been asked or no one has actually expressed interest in having a
relationship geared towards marriage with them. Some, God has created them to be
meant for bigger things – whether it is to serve their family, Ummah, or Allah
swt in ways we are not aware of. Whatever their reality may be, only Allah swt
knows why it was written for them and NO ONE has to right to judge or claim
ridiculous assumptions of “selfishness” or more comically state, “You should
have gotten married younger. You didn’t try hard enough.” I can’t turn back
time or astaghfurAllah demand God for an answer to why he put me in this
situation of nearing 30, unemployed, and single when I want my life to look a
different way. But, I 100% trust that this is best for me now and Allah knows
best. Therefore, I don’t see my situation in any shape or form as negative as
long as I continue to live my life serving Allah swt to the best of my
abilities. Allah swt has blessed me with so much, AlhamduliAllah.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have grown accustomed to responding
to anyone who throws backhanded insults at my single status, with the clear
assumption that there is either something wrong with me or I have not done my
part in finding a man. I was raised on the deen to be a strong and independent
woman who loves my family and considers myself to dress in comfortably modest
clothing while barely wearing any make-up at all. This does not make me better
or less than anyone else around me. This is just who I am and as long as who I
am is not a disobedience to my creator, then I see no reason to change… As
human beings, we are not perfect. However, just as the Prophet Muhammad (peace
be upon him) married Khadija (may Allah swt be pleased with her) for exactly
the strong woman she was, why should I not strive to follow in the footsteps of
the greatest female role model and want someone who strives to follow in the
footsteps of the greatest male role model in Islam.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Marriage is half our deen, but it is
not the sole purpose for our lives or why Allah swt created us and put us on
this earth. We are here first and foremost to serve Him and while marriage is a
part of this, it is the not the only way to serve our Ummah and strengthen it.
As Muslimahs, we are constantly told to make dua and put ourselves out there.
Yes, we most definitely should. But also remember that just by making sincere
dua and putting ourselves out there, whether it be for marriage, or employment,
or anything else in life, it does not mean that it will be handed to us. It will
happen when and if Allah wills it to happen and at the best time for us.
Remember the words of Umar Ibn al-Khattab (may Allah swt be pleased with him),
“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change
the future. Go easy on yourself for <b>the outcome of all affairs is
determined by Allah’s Decree</b>. <b>If something is meant to go
elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from
you it cannot flee</b>.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Never forget the words of Allah swt,
“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a
thing and it is bad for you, and Allah knows while you know not.” [Qur'an,
Surat Al-Baqara, verse 216]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
There is not a person who knows me
that doesn’t know that I have been struggling to find a stable job since 2013.
I have my freelance editing and photography business as I continue to look for
stable employment. I yearn to be able to use my university and graduate school
degrees as well as practice my passions by working in publishing, education, or
non-profit organizations. Almost as much negativity as being unmarried, I get
so much heat for being unemployed, as if it is by choice. I continue to make
dua and apply to hundreds of jobs and make as many connections as I can, all
while knowing that the job will come whenever Allah swt has written for it to
come. Patience is what I struggle with more than anything. While I struggle
with my situations, my tawakul or trust always stands firmly in Allah swt and
His plans for me. For whatever He has written for me is best for me and He does
not place burdens on us that we can not handle.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Whatever you’re going through, place
your tawakul in Allah swt. My single sisters, even my married sisters that are
struggling with their marriages, or my sisters that are receiving heat for not
bearing children, my unemployed sisters, all my sisters out there struggling in
areas in which society and our cultures look down upon because it doesn’t meet
their “ideal standards of norm” without actually understanding our situations,
place your faith in Allah swt and allow Him to guide you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I hope this even speaks to my friends
and family that may not be religious or spiritual, everything happens for a
reason. Don’t judge anyone because you cannot be placed in their shoes and
please don’t use religion against anyone that is struggling. You are not better
than anyone. Only Allah swt can judge. Only He knows what is in our hearts.
AlhamduliAllah for that!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As always, this is a reminder first
and foremost to myself before anyone else.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
WaSalaam,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Haneen<o:p></o:p></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-14323463887723277612015-04-24T11:12:00.000-07:002015-04-24T11:14:08.395-07:00The [Late] NYC Tourist<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinOb2troPMbm5E6KEjYncIOXz-n5RpVQ5tL0TYe9ADwDVRtWXnUdlGQ6KC5LoVDTwWMLrN-d8EZVLhMcPixWRLtI10WzX3xpHLvjx-Z6OgW0jZNsRTwsfee_miKQofODRXfJk5pS4i6iY/s1600/IMG_3784L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinOb2troPMbm5E6KEjYncIOXz-n5RpVQ5tL0TYe9ADwDVRtWXnUdlGQ6KC5LoVDTwWMLrN-d8EZVLhMcPixWRLtI10WzX3xpHLvjx-Z6OgW0jZNsRTwsfee_miKQofODRXfJk5pS4i6iY/s1600/IMG_3784L.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Six
months and a week of my life were spent on the East Coast. While this may not
seem like a lot to fellow travelers or those who move around a lot, uprooting
my life for six months with no definite return date was definitely an insanely
spontaneous and adventurous decision I made last summer. I moved to a city, a
state, a side of a country that I had never stepped foot in. Six months and a
week struck through my life like lightening, leaving a bright spark of
memories… Looking back, sometimes I question whether those six months existed
at all. They did. I have the pictures to prove it!</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
If you
have been following my writing, or at least had followed my adventures in New
York, you know how hectic my first week in NYC was. Unexpected incidents during
my first week forced me to move to Princeton, New Jersey for a little over a
month before moving back to Brooklyn. After settling in NJ with my cousin’s
family, and after exactly fourteen days into my entire move to the east coast,
a friend visiting New Jersey and I headed into NYC for a proper touristy filled
day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Yesterday
marked two months since I have been back in California, which is why I am
taking you all back to last August! While I hope to share more of my adventures
throughout NYC during those six months, the following pictures are a great
representation of two Californians enjoying the Big Apple. I will admit that it
may not have been the sunniest day, causing my pictures to come out looking gloomy
as I struggled with my camera in the strong winds, but I think our smile defined
our level of excitement and happiness of that day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Enjoy!
Check back in soon for, what I hope will be, a reflection of my time living as
a Californian in New York and of course more pictures! Follow me on Instagram
<a href="https://instagram.com/haneenoriqatphotography/" target="_blank">@haneenoriqatphotography</a> for a lot more pictures of my time in NYC. If you’re
interested in reading more about my journey and why I made the decision to head
to the east coast, check out my previous blog posts! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
More blog
posts about my NYC adventures (in chronological order):<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/adventure-diary-of-a-muslim-american-hijabi-entry-8/" target="_blank">AdventureDiary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #8 </a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/san-diegan-in-the-city-that-never-sleeps/" target="_blank">SanDiegan in the City that Never Sleeps </a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/the-misadventures-of-a-lost-hijabi-in-brooklyn/" target="_blank">TheMisadventures of a Lost Hijabi in Brooklyn </a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/adventure-diary-of-a-muslim-american-hijabi-entry-9/" target="_blank">AdventureDiary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #9 </a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/the-unexpected-has-been-kicking-my-ass-but-failing-to-keep-me-down/" target="_blank">TheUnexpected Has Been Kicking My Ass… but Failing to Keep Me Down</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
More NYC photography: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/a-canvas-of-colors-at-central-park-nyc/" target="_blank">A Canvas of Colors at Central Park,NYC</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/washington-square-park-square-of-youth/" target="_blank">Washington Square Park: Square ofYouth</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/dumbo-park/" target="_blank">DUMBO Park</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/brooklyn-bridge-web-of-dreams/" target="_blank">Brooklyn Bridge: Web of Dreams</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/winter-wonderland-central-park-nyc/" target="_blank">Winter Wonderland in central Park </a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://haneenoriqat.com/the-late-nyc-tourist/" target="_blank">ClickHERE to be taken to my website to view the original post and pictures and seemore of my work!</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-65806462426059802762014-12-04T20:01:00.003-08:002014-12-04T20:01:46.541-08:00The Unexpected Has Been Kicking My Ass… but Failing to Keep Me Down<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">“Wow! The craziest things always
happen to you, don’t they?” She shakes her head, as if I purposely run after
the crazy moments that fill my life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yeah, SubhanAllah. I’m just always
surrounded by…” I try to think of the right word to describe what I have
thought were normal occurrences. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Adventure. No wonder you’re a writer.
You always have a story to tell.” She laughs. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“You have no idea.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Maybe I knew it in the back of my
head, but I wasn’t completely in tune to my “adventures” until I got to New
York and it became more apparent that every step of my life is strung together
in a series of unexpected, and sometimes unfortunate, events. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I believe it’s normal for plans in our
life to never go exactly the way we expected. For me, it’s more than a normal
occurrence. I have learned to welcome the unexpected. In reality, aren’t all of
our lives just a series of the unexpected? No matter how well we plan, God’s
decree will shine through and we need to learn to accept it and move forward. I
have to admit that I’m partly thankful that I am no longer harshly fazed by the
craziness that surrounds my life. If I freaked out about every single moment
that didn’t go as planned, fell through, or even completely changed the course
of my life, it would best for me to find a cave and hide. I say “partly”
because I do still need to be affected and motivated to keep moving forward in
pursuing what I need and want. Instead of finding a secluded cave, I have
learned to find new ways to cope with my obstacles and actively work to climb
my hurdles and conquer my challenges. Always keep moving and inshaAllah Kheir (if
God wills it) goodness will come. That’s my motto in life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I honestly believe that the way I
choose to see my unexpected challenges in life – by doing the best I can and
placing tawakul (faith) in Allah swt – has lead me to push through this risk
I’m taking by being in New York and has allowed me to assimilate a lot more
quickly than anyone thought was possible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Despite this, I can’t deny that for
the last three months and three weeks, the unexpected has seriously been
kicking my ass. While it’s comforting to hear the support and awe in the voices
of friends and family when they express, mostly in surprise, how proud they are
of how well I’m doing over here, a part of me still carries a feeling of
failure as I continue to hide my struggles from loved ones. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My worst enemy is myself and I know
that too well as I try to control the uncontrollable in life. I’m often told by
friends how stressed they are or by family how their anxiety is sometimes too
much to handle, but then there’s me. Sometimes, I wish I was just stressed or
facing anxiety. I know what it’s like to have a panic attack and feel like I’m
suffocating and losing control; so, I’m not in any way saying that stress and
anxiety are easy emotions to handle. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My greatest challenge is myself. I
don’t stress as much as I become frustrated and angry… at myself. Recently,
that part of myself reaches to an extent where it shuts down and I need to step
back, breathe, and seclude myself to evaluate the extent to which I believe I’m
failing and work to move through it to reach a point of stability. In these
moments, I strive to see the light through my struggles. The blessings in
disguise are usually hidden within what I view as failure but are actually
little accomplishments on my way to success. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This month, this comes in the form of
a reminder of the purpose of this entire life I have taken. I arrived in New
York exactly three months, two weeks, and four days ago. I surpassed November
16, the three month mark, the mark that was going to define my failure or
success. Of course, that didn’t include all the unexpected challenges that
quickly knocked me into a completely different path than I had set for myself
in San Diego. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Three months. That was my deadline. My
parents gave me their support for the duration of one to three months in New
York to work on my writing, make connections, and find employment. One to
three, and not just three months, because New York is a completely different
country to Californians and especially San Diegans. So, no one thought I would
want to stay more than a month. Almost four months later, here I am, still
moving forward while preparing for a winter that I have never had to experience
for the first 26 years of my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Coming here, I knew that things
weren’t going to go as planned, but I honestly never thought it would derail me
in the way that it did. In my last post, I shared the adventures of my first
week in New York and why I ended up in Princeton, New Jersey. While I did want
to share my experiences in New Jersey, it now just reminds me of the month and
a half long gap that was stolen from my trip. Commuting for four hours round
trip between Princeton, New Jersey and Manhattan, New York was exhausting. This
is not to say that my time was uneventful. I won’t neglect to mention that it
was filled with story worthy experiences I faced walking and taking the bus
everyday – from the guy who disgustedly tried to run me over on the side of the
road to the old man who creepily tried to pick me up in his red car from the
bus stop. I won’t go into details about the dead raccoons and deer I had to step
over between my cousin’s house and the bus stop. Taking the bus in the small
town to work around Princeton University wasn’t any easier – everything from
the crazy bus drivers to the inconsistent bus times, rates, and the cash only
rule. Princeton was nice and I was blessed to be among family, but I felt
myself aging by the minute, hindered from placing all my time and energy into
the goal I came here to reach. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Housing in Brooklyn, the borough where
I wanted to live all along, came just as unexpectedly as everything else on my
trip. I have officially been back in New York for almost two months, and it
already feels both like I just got here yesterday and like I have been here
forever. While I literally spent all my time balancing between applying for employment,
working, and connecting with my new community, there’s this stable part of my
brain that constantly reminds that I am no less close to success as I am to
failure. A month ago, that voice in my head was beginning to tear away at me…
Today, it’s my motivator to push forward with a constant reality check: if I
don’t meet my goal of finding employment, my time in New York is strictly
limited. As much as I miss sunny San Diego and California in all its
perfection, New York and its endless opportunities is beginning to grow on me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Everyone has their own understanding
and measure of success. The truth is while you may believe this measurement is
defined by others – such as your friends or family, or by your environment –
such as your community or even economic status, or even by your past and future
– both of which you have no control over, the measurement of your success
is defined by your own limitations to yourself. The only thing you can control
is your mindset in the present, the here and now. We must come to accept that
everything else is simply not guaranteed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My measurement of my own success is a
combination of how well I am still traveling on the path I have set for myself
and personal achievements. I never thought I would be where I am today. I know
others will argue that this is true for everyone, and it is. Each of us is
facing personal struggles that feel so unique making us ask, “Why am I going
through this? Why has God put me in this position and forced me of all people
to face this struggle? Why me?” We are always so focused on our struggles as
being the struggles to out struggle everyone else’s struggles… Yes, I know that
was quite an overuse of the word “struggle”, but I know I’m not alone in
realizing this. Right? The reality is, we are not alone. In fact, we are far
from it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As for me, it was only five years ago,
I had worked my entire life to become an international lawyer, never thinking I
would be sitting here today holding an MFA in Creative Writing that works to
overshadow my BA in Political Science (emphasis in International Relations)
alongside my minors, having written a novel that I’m trying to find an agent
for and publish and working on two more, and writing from a coffee shop in
Brooklyn, while trying to juggle time spent on endlessly applying for
employment. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Every time I wake up and think that
I’m dreaming of actually living in New York, a subway trip in a train that
crosses over the Manhattan bridge, allowing me to see the entire city that
never sleeps and the majestic Brooklyn Bridge through the window are an exciting
reminder that I’m actually here… Still struggling, but still determined to work
tirelessly towards my dream. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
(DUMBO Park)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I am not saying that I am not proud of
my degrees and the road that has gotten me to where I am. No regrets,
AlhamduliAllah. On the contrary, that slight lack of acceptance with how little
I have achieved compared to how much higher I need to reach, is what fuels my
determination. Growing up, I knew that no matter where I ended up and whatever
career I would choose, I had dedicated my life to one goal – holding a degree
that would benefit my community and especially my family. I wanted to travel
and experience life, but more importantly, I wanted to make more than a
difference. I wanted to create change. More than anything, I wanted to give back
to my parents. I will never reach the point in which I repay my parents for
their sacrifices in everything that they have provided for my siblings and I –
especially their support for my move to New York, but I will spend the rest of
my life trying. In the end, this is what keeps me going. It’s more than making
my parents proud or happy. It’s providing for them ease after all these years
of support and encouragement. I should be the one taking care of my parents and
siblings. While it physically hurts knowing that I still haven’t reached that
point in my life, I surge forward. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I measure my own success by my level
of stability in life and independence. While I do believe that my happiness is
not contingent on the happiness of others, I do live my life in continuing to
emit positive energy in witnessing the smiles and happiness of those around me,
even during my own hardships, which I need to remember are still filled with
hidden blessings, even if I do not understand or see them in the moment of
struggle. I believe in taking responsibility for how I react and work to
conquer my own struggles as well as my own definition of happiness. I have come
to a point on this journey where every roadblock in this course I’m taking
further motivates me to continue living to my fullest, with the power of Allah
swt. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not one to reveal my struggles or
hardships to others. I have stated this clearly in my first blog posts in New
York. Although, sometimes, we do need to turn to others and loved ones for
comfort, I try my best to stay positive. At times, such as when I post sweet
pictures of statuses on Facebook pertaining to my time in New York, others may
understand it as me having the time of my life, free of pain and challenges.
You know what? That’s fine. My hardships are my own. This is not to try to mask
anything and make others believe I’m living a perfect life, but rather to show
that I’m still striving to take my new city by storm, one day at a time. Trying
to see the light in all that I have been experiencing gives me strength and
hope. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As I continue on, I will be sharing
more of my photography little by little around this marvelous city, inshaAllah.
I invite you to share my belief in finding the beauty and blessings in every
day of our lives… <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxtciZk_FkHGsQbYKJoOp4_w8hB-ZBkLxzMX76FB5yoRpiDlODa4CugaIzKnVG8Zz-sAVBL4TBrN696XV2vGJn_-Dr-760XIobEbFPuNRteOX-YZKNJk4h5NLyyzI8on3yt0aAVPxClRo/s1600/IMG_3872.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxtciZk_FkHGsQbYKJoOp4_w8hB-ZBkLxzMX76FB5yoRpiDlODa4CugaIzKnVG8Zz-sAVBL4TBrN696XV2vGJn_-Dr-760XIobEbFPuNRteOX-YZKNJk4h5NLyyzI8on3yt0aAVPxClRo/s1600/IMG_3872.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
(Brooklyn Bridge)</div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
During my journey, I do ask for your
kind thoughts, good vibes, and much needed dua’. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Peace, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Haneen <o:p></o:p></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-44215195052589326472014-12-01T19:39:00.001-08:002014-12-01T20:38:50.481-08:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #9<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">Original entry on Decemb</span>er 1, 2014 </div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">I haven't written one of these entries
in a while despite the amount of crazy adventures I have been experiencing on a
daily basis, especially in New York.</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Based on certain experiences, I
sometimes joke that apparently all hijabis must look the same... Today, I was
brought back to remembering winter quarter of 2009 during my studies at UCSD.
One morning, I had decided to grab a smoothie from Jamba Juice on campus after
my noon class. When I went up to order, the girl behind the counter gave me the
oddest look. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Weren’t you here this morning?” She
asked, not moving to take my order. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Excuse me?” I had just arrived to
campus. I don’t remember why, but my morning classes had been cancelled. “No, I
actually haven’t been in here in a long time.” I was confused at why it
mattered if I had been in there recently or not at all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“You ordered a smoothie this morning.”
She was both confused and seemed pissed, at the same time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“You must have me mistaken for someone
else.” I laughed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“No, it was you. I remember.” She
named off my order. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Not that it matters, but I haven’t
ordered that in years.” I realized she still hadn’t asked me what I wanted to
order. “More importantly, even if I had been in here earlier, why is that a
problem?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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She sighed, “Whatever. What do you
want?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I shook my head, but put on a smile. “May
I please have an original Matcha Green Tea Blast?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“You’re dressed the same. It has to
have been you.” She handed me the receipt.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“I don’t need it and have a great
day.” I walked off and immediately called my best friend and former roommate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Salaam!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Hey, habibti. Did you come to Jamba
Juice earlier today?” I asked her.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Yeah, how did you know?” She laughed.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“I’ll tell you later. Where are you?”
I was amused, considering we didn’t look alike at all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“I’m heading to the MSA prayer area
and then to the SJP office.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Alright, cool. See you soon.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I took my drink and headed over there.
My roommates and I never headed to campus at the same time. Both this roommate
and I always had earlier classes, but one of us always left before the other. I
heard her leaving in the morning, but didn’t see her, as usual. We both walked
into the prayer area from opposite ends, at the same time. Everyone in the area
laughed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Dang! Did you two plan your outfit
this morning?” One of the MSA brothers asked. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Wow! I haven’t even seen her all
day.” I laughed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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As I stood there looking at my friend,
we were both dressed in dark blue jeans – she in skinny jeans and me in
straight ones. We both had on identical Palestine shirts, but different colored
hijabs and shoes to match. Both of us had on a black jacket with a hood. I told
her what happened at Jamba Juice and everyone laughed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Didn’t you know all hijabis look the
same?” Another friend sarcastically remarked. “Or maybe it’s that Palestinian
look.” He added. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
*** <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3eC1bumghjOGHI7nHV9CcT2D4MgibnngDNJ7OPkYNWVqOjhkrvUEYNcJ8Hqkjm0F_ajlfB1kKeaFMAqqZ23CKseppZNHV7vTN0fAoezIEp9WNdk7opXB_5Wmg5bj9WGdM-9XzPRIrAs/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3eC1bumghjOGHI7nHV9CcT2D4MgibnngDNJ7OPkYNWVqOjhkrvUEYNcJ8Hqkjm0F_ajlfB1kKeaFMAqqZ23CKseppZNHV7vTN0fAoezIEp9WNdk7opXB_5Wmg5bj9WGdM-9XzPRIrAs/s1600/photo.JPG" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Sign outside the coffee shop.]</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br clear="ALL" style="mso-ignore: vglayout;" />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It makes me smile to remember that
day. Something similar happened to me last night and this afternoon at a coffee
shop. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When I arrived to New York, a friend
who is in NYC for her medical school rotations gave me a few suggestions for
coffee shops in one of my favorite areas in Brooklyn, Park Slope, that make for
good study spaces. I tried each once before choosing my own café to work. I saw
her recently and she urged me to return to this Swedish coffee spot that she
loves but I didn’t return to because the barista was a jerk to me the first
time. She told me she was a regular customer last winter. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Last night, I chose to walk into that
coffee shop for a quick latte after book shopping. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Hi.” I cheerfully greeted him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Hey.” He stared at me. I couldn’t
tell if it was the same barista. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“How are
you doing?” Because after all these months in New York, the Californian in me
still believes in asking people how they’re doing before I order anything,
despite the blank stare and no response I usually receive. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Tired.” I wasn’t sure how to react to
his monotone response. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Aww, I’m sorry.” I could feel the
awkwardness filling the short space between us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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He shrugged, “We’re closing soon. We
close early on Sundays.” He stated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Now?” I looked around at the café
that was still full of people. “Can I still order something.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
He stared back at me, expressionless. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Caaan I get a latte? Soy?” I smiled. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
He finally smiled back, “Oh, yeah.” He
mumbled, again. “I can take care of that for you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Awesome. Thanks.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Suddenly, he was really nice to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“So, what time do you close tonight?”
I leaned over the counter to ask as he pulled the espresso shots for my drink. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Uhm,” He pulled out his phone and
fumbled with it. “Woah!” He mumbled something I couldn’t understand, then
awkwardly laughed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“I almost dropped my phone. That was
close.” I thought I might have actually spotted a slight smile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yikes.” I felt like his awkwardness
was rubbing off on me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
He handed me my drink, “I haven’t seen
you around in a really long time.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yeah,” It hit me. He thought I was
actually my friend. “Just been busy.” He was being so much nicer, I decided to
just go with it. “Have a good night!” I jetted out of there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Today, I decided to actually try
working in there again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
When I
ordered, he was nice again, joking around in that monotone voice, with a hint
of jerk. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Hey, how
are you doing today?” I smiled. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Good.
What do you want to drink?” I noticed a grin emerging, like he was planning
something in his head. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Soy
latte, please. And, what time do you close tonight?” I asked. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“We close
at 8 tonight. You’re not going to try to come back here at 7:30 and order
again, are you?” He mocked as he swiped my card. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Nah,
I’ll be nice this time.” I held back my own snarkiness. I picked up one of
those buy 9 drinks get the 10<sup>th</sup> one free cards. “Hey, can I get this
stamped?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“I don’t
stamp cards for costumers who don’t regularly come in anymore.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He took the card. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I smirked
realizing again he still thought I was my friend. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back
often.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Alright,
since I always see you in here…” He stamped off 8 squares for my one drink, “So
you can get a free one sooner. Now you only need one left.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Thanks!”
I felt a hint of guilt as I walked away and thought to myself that I should
treat my friend to coffee for unknowingly getting me on good terms with the
barista. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I took a
seat at the far end of the café, next to the window, of course. I turned on my
computer before realizing I didn’t have the password for the free wifi. I
thought I had connected my laptop and phone the first time I tried this place,
but it must have disconnected me. I asked the woman sitting behind me, but she
didn’t remember the password because it had been atomically connected from the
first time she used her laptop in this place. I knew I needed to ask the
barista, risking him knowing I played off being a regular costumer… I felt bad
about it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I
approached the counter as he was making a cup of coffee for a costumer, “What’s
the password, again?” I cautiously asked. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“His
brows furrowed in confusion. “How do you not have it? I thought I had recognized
you for someone that’s been here a few times…” His smile dropped. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Yeah… I
don’t know why I’m not connected anymore.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“Here you
go.” He handed me the password. “Don’t forget it.” He ordered. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I walked
back to my seat feeling his eyes following me. I immediately texted my friend
letting her know the barista had definitely confused me for her. If she walks
in later this winter, I was hoping he’d recognize the difference. I knew she
hadn’t been here since her last rotation ended earlier this year, but now she’s
back for another rotation this winter. If he asks me next time I’m here, I’ll
confirm that there are indeed two hijabis that frequent this café. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
It amuses
me that he thought we were one person. Aside from the hijab, my friend and I
look nothing alike. I tried to remember if we dressed in any similar way, but
despite that, we are also two different ethnicities. I will say that we both
fit the Californian nice, bubbly attitude, but she’s definitely so much sweeter
than I am. To be honest, I was flattered because my friend is beautiful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
It always
strikes me as funny and ridiculous when people mistake me for another hijabi
they have met when it’s based upon the fact that we’re both Muslim and wear the
hijab. This situation wasn’t any different. Although, come to think of it, I
haven’t seen another hijabi in the area in all the months I have been coming to
Park Slope, which surprises me considering the amount of Muslims here. Maybe
it’s just the areas I go for my coffee and to work on my writing and
photography. Either way, I know it won’t be the last time I experience this. It
has happened to me many times before, not just these two instances. Every time,
it boggles my mind that this type of stereotyping exists – when one thinks that
everyone from one type of background looks the same based on ethnicity, skin
color, or even way of dress. I’ll leave it at that. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
On the
bright side, I get a free cup of coffee soon and the awkward barista who I have
watched be a jerk to every younger person that has come in is at least nice
enough to me that I can be sarcastic back and feel comfortable enough being a
frequent costumer. Not going to lie, he seems like a decent guy. Most
importantly, he makes really good coffee! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Looks like I have found a new café to work
in, and a blog post I have been working on for a while will finally be coming
to you soon… <o:p></o:p></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-41488177030099751892014-10-09T21:30:00.001-07:002015-02-16T19:13:00.628-08:00The Misadventures of a Lost Hijabi in Brooklyn<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon; text-indent: 0in;">Seeking
adventure? Love getting lost in new cities??</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">If you need
advice or tips on "how to best get lost on the subway system and wander
into shady neighborhoods only to find yourself in the boonies terrified for
your life" I'm your girl! Worried that you have always had a great sense
of direction? No worries! I'm here to change that. (Success guaranteed due to
learning from experience.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">Quick! Seek
a life of experience encountering a series of unfortunate events, starting
today!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">***<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">Not even a
week in NY and I can write a series of blog posts, which I will start on...
Once I find my way back home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This is the Facebook status I posted
after a few days in Brooklyn, particularly after getting lost my second day on
my own and my housing in East Harlem falling through on my fourth day in New
York. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My first week in New York set the tone
for the crazy adventures and experiences in the months that followed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Saturday.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Yd7VeKuSj-9db4VQfRB4bkbIr0kdDimneSoWV7h0gEB1GFzT6ceV1VmjZDBMQYZAq0Y4dyputXzlTdm_PwiTrfwPDAPOXQY2yxCkAOR7dgj5WCV5Lg7UEi5ZDc1SDwfO_t6m0kQ1lGk/s1600/IMG_3398-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-Yd7VeKuSj-9db4VQfRB4bkbIr0kdDimneSoWV7h0gEB1GFzT6ceV1VmjZDBMQYZAq0Y4dyputXzlTdm_PwiTrfwPDAPOXQY2yxCkAOR7dgj5WCV5Lg7UEi5ZDc1SDwfO_t6m0kQ1lGk/s1600/IMG_3398-L.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[View of New York from the airplane
during landing. August 16, 2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I arrived in New York on a Saturday,
late at night, after 10pm. AlhamduliAllah, my friend – who is also my former
roomie during my second year at UCSD – met me at La Guardia airport. The
amazing person she is, she had already called a car to take us from the airport
to her place. I had made sure to have housing figured out in New York before I
left San Diego, but my new roommate wanted to move in before me since she had
chosen the place and I was originally only staying temporarily if I couldn’t
find employment. So the plan was to stay with my friend for 2-3 nights max. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
That first night I couldn’t tell you
how we got from the airport to the apartment. I was exhausted from my long
9-hour trip and anxious about my future. All I remember seeing were bridges and
bright lights of a city so awake I had to remind myself that it was close to
midnight by the time we arrived at my friend’s apartment in Brooklyn. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sunday.
<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSXNN5fb3e8uwpXHRx_0EuMo3AJNkhka-JhtolebR3dy2pTTnYb44MjCyNCX59SVBg7w59W_DfzqmQUXbGSJ6jFymdZlgrJQd4wp8IuPaDBYLO4DTpqOYAnnKxaW1j7RQYWpeTe2Yfl_Y/s1600/IMG_3409-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSXNN5fb3e8uwpXHRx_0EuMo3AJNkhka-JhtolebR3dy2pTTnYb44MjCyNCX59SVBg7w59W_DfzqmQUXbGSJ6jFymdZlgrJQd4wp8IuPaDBYLO4DTpqOYAnnKxaW1j7RQYWpeTe2Yfl_Y/s1600/IMG_3409-L.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[The New York Public Library,
Manhattan. August 17, 2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My second day, I was slightly more
awake, but still letting it sink in that I was in New York and not on a
vacation. Since it was a Sunday, my friend gave me a grand tour of Manhattan
taking me to all the well-known spots. Along with her favorite food, dessert,
and tea places, we hit up central park and basically walked through all the
important spots all while avoiding the craziness of Times Square. I spent the
day just taking everything in, not paying particular attention to street names.
I didn’t even take out my phone to snap a picture until it was nearing sunset,
when she took me to The New York Public Library. I had promised myself to enjoy
the day and not take any pictures, even leaving my Canon DSLR back at the
apartment, but the library was too strikingly beautiful to walk away without
capturing that moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Realization: I was in New York = I was
in another country. It is its own BEAST. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Monday.
<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjssQ5LkttZNgBx5x3iZjPuorDFLAdGXFxuyQl7OLq_Bxprm8EGA9uHlxGCVHTIXX-BaaObPjGwZKUVbEu81XYQg6wZC6qK2IsDJOttxIfgXiNH5MLYHOlfhfFutYft87wuNpdVcGRgyKk/s1600/IMG_3421-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjssQ5LkttZNgBx5x3iZjPuorDFLAdGXFxuyQl7OLq_Bxprm8EGA9uHlxGCVHTIXX-BaaObPjGwZKUVbEu81XYQg6wZC6qK2IsDJOttxIfgXiNH5MLYHOlfhfFutYft87wuNpdVcGRgyKk/s1600/IMG_3421-L.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Park Slope, Brooklyn. August 18,
2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Monday morning, with everyone at work,
I was on my own. My friend had sent me texts and an email with the best places
to hit up in Brooklyn, from Prospect Park to Coney Island. I decided to go to
Park Slope, near the Barclays Center, and walk around the area and then decide
where to go from there. I took the subway on my own for the first time and
prayed I would be on one of the “newer” trains that had the marquees to signal
all the stops for me, but I still counted down my stops just to be certain. I
made it to Park Slop and of course my first goal was to find coffee. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The moment I existed the subway
station, I spotted a Dunkin Donuts. They’re more prominent here than Starbucks.
Shocking, I know. The Californian in me was curious to finally try the famed
Dunkin Donuts coffee and I figured I might as well grab a donut. Let me just
say, I completely do not understand the hype at all. I could barely swallow
their coffee. The donut was okay. I took my breakfast and walked around the
area, called my parents to let them know I was still alive, and then began
walking aimlessly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I walked along 5<sup>th</sup> avenue,
lined with little restaurants, coffee shops, bakeries, and boutique stores and
the bourgeoisie looking bright, open neighborhoods filled with brownstone
houses shaded by trees. I walked long enough to realize I didn’t know where I
was anymore, but I wasn’t worried. I spotted a sign for Prospect Park and
remembered that it was on the list my friend had sent me. I had promised myself
that the only maps I would use were the ones on my phone. No actual paper maps
to make sure I didn’t stick out as a tourist because I would be taking on New
York as a single female and didn’t need the extra attention. I kept following
the signs, making my way all the way to the park. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSRqSkrkBPIetrrxMHs53ZA8hYJQPZfI0BdPsm67i8E2d1IyvQBqhpHcLX33xLMCXhJ5aALmUW2iWjzhj5Mttqsz6-luCx9pAKEcKbgSdn7Nlh1oTrZdOiw_I59IizuIzVSUomGENBcUo/s1600/IMG_3429-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSRqSkrkBPIetrrxMHs53ZA8hYJQPZfI0BdPsm67i8E2d1IyvQBqhpHcLX33xLMCXhJ5aALmUW2iWjzhj5Mttqsz6-luCx9pAKEcKbgSdn7Nlh1oTrZdOiw_I59IizuIzVSUomGENBcUo/s1600/IMG_3429-L.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Prospect Park, Brooklyn. August 18,
2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It was a gorgeous day. I strolled
through the park, taking time to sit on one of the benches lining the path and people
watched for a good half hour. I explored the area around the bridge that hides
the quiet waterfall leading into a pebble stream and to a small lake. On my way
back through the path, I found a spot to pray among the trees. While in the
park, I didn’t pay much attention to my phone battery because I thought I was
prepared for when it died. My friend had suggested I buy a small portable
charger for my phone before traveling. What I didn’t remember was that since I
have an older version of the iPhone, I needed to carry around an extra cord to
charge it. When my phone died, I didn’t panic. I figured it was no problem. I
would just retrace my steps back through the same neighborhood and back to the
same subway, check the subway map, and get on the same train going the other
way, back to my friends neighborhood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj57H5DKL-DlIKYfsZDD93A3Ez2PZP6RG29k0c4hWQJwK_tiDFEn1xnbx3Ejdzxr6jnRPfYNPs7xajBvJFgbKektHVWQnEmX7eA76T8KfYvsU8FrXeMzQyngLDNCwRwIpVoOlEGDl7IhG0/s1600/IMG_3438-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj57H5DKL-DlIKYfsZDD93A3Ez2PZP6RG29k0c4hWQJwK_tiDFEn1xnbx3Ejdzxr6jnRPfYNPs7xajBvJFgbKektHVWQnEmX7eA76T8KfYvsU8FrXeMzQyngLDNCwRwIpVoOlEGDl7IhG0/s1600/IMG_3438-L.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape
id="Picture_x0020_40" o:spid="_x0000_i1030" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="Description: Macintosh HD:Users:haneenoriqat:Desktop:IMG_3438-L.jpg"
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Prospect Park, Brooklyn. August 18,
2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
One wrong turn. I took one wrong turn
while walking back leading me through neighborhoods I didn’t recognize. I tried
to remember any street or some type of building structure that would give me a
hint of where I was headed. An hour later, I should have been very worried that
I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood that didn’t look as safe as the ones I had
walked through in the morning. To top it off, twenty six years of my life and I
had never been cat-called like I did walking through Brooklyn – by both
genders. At one point, the cat-calling turned into masked threats, “Giiirl, you
should <i>not </i>be in this neighborhood! You do <i>not </i>belong here, hun!”
Those were the tamest remarks I got. And I thought, “I’m definitely screwed”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I could tell the sun was going to set
soon, but I still wasn’t panicking. I was used to being the only Muslim and
hijabi walking through a neighborhood. The only difference was, suddenly, I
realized everyone around me was speaking languages other than English. While
the diversity of people usually puts me at ease, the looks and comments I was
getting started to set off red flags in my head, but I powerwalked onward. I
tried to remember anything I could about certain neighborhoods in Brooklyn to
figure out where I was and kept drawing a blank. Hours later, I spotted a
mortuary. I started formulating a plan in my head. I would walk into the
mortuary. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Excuse me, sir (because I always imagined
more males than females working with dead bodies). Hi, I have a death wish.
This is my first day in Brooklyn, my phone is dead, and I don’t have a map. May
I phone a friend?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Now, the problem was that I didn’t
have my friend’s number memorized. So, I needed to use the power of connections
to figure out that part. I would call my mom, who would get my sister on the
phone, so that I could ask her to call my best friend in California, who I had
given my Brooklyn friend’s number to when she visited New York a year ago, and
tell her that I was alive but lost. Flawless, right? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Passing the morgue, I felt the ground
rumble beneath me and recognized that I was walking on top of one of the train
lines. I focused on the movement of the train. I followed the train’s energy
like Pocahontas followed the wind, just around the riverbend, and ran after the
colors of the wind. I was lead to an empty space surrounded by dead nature,
covered with a bridge of cars. So much for taking notes from a Disney princess.
I stood at a crosswords focusing on each street name until a woman in a rush
walked past me. She stared at me and came back, “You look lost, honey.” Her
strong Caribbean accent woke me up. “You shouldn’t be in here streets. You need
the subway?” She walked me to a safer street and directed me to the nearest
subway. I don’t think I had ever been that happy to see public transportation.
I wasn’t even fazed by the rat that lead me down the stairwell to the train. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Later that night, my friend walked me
around her neighborhood and to an area where I could spot the Brooklyn Bridge,
the Statue of Liberty, and the proud city in the background. It made up for my
tiresome walk through the boonies of Brooklyn. My first day in Brooklyn? It was
definitely a new adventure, where I got back to my friend’s house alive.
Success. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Tuesday.
<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxKo4H0PRYn2M78S344D7czfoGHqcJNy7bpQwn5OBVbsrSxGuAvAASx-EhtuHMnYMp2mKpiMGCWYd1lO5yryNNJKZs4EJG0fgSu-sZnrUOihaMK6fx_dpb0pvAPguRauBPYu3nDnYS1HI/s1600/IMG_3468-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxKo4H0PRYn2M78S344D7czfoGHqcJNy7bpQwn5OBVbsrSxGuAvAASx-EhtuHMnYMp2mKpiMGCWYd1lO5yryNNJKZs4EJG0fgSu-sZnrUOihaMK6fx_dpb0pvAPguRauBPYu3nDnYS1HI/s1600/IMG_3468-L.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="color: blue;">[Dunkin Donuts, Coney Island. August
19, 2014]</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I should have been moving to my new
place in East Harlem, but my new roommate notified me that the apartment wasn’t
ready and that I couldn’t pick up the keys until Wednesday. After getting lost
in Brooklyn, I knew what I needed. I needed to see the ocean. I decided to head
to Coney Island. My friend’s husband was confused at my choice of destination
for my second day alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Coney Island? Are you sure? It’s not
glamorous. I can give you other places to visit in Brooklyn.” The look on his
face told me he wasn’t a fan. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“I just need to see the ocean, the
beach. Plus, I don’t want to go far.” I didn’t want to admit how much I already
missed Coronado Island in San Diego whenever I needed to run away somewhere
after a bad day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
He just smiled. As a native San Diegan
himself, I knew he understood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
He was right. It wasn’t the most
glamorous of places, but the moment I smelled the ocean, I felt at home. I had
found the ocean and my San Diego heart both soared and ached. Coney Island was
not surrounded by clear waters or glittering beaches like Coronado (yes, the
sand of Coronado beach actually glitters in the sun – I know, I was spoiled),
but it was still ocean. The vibe and food places lining the boardwalk actually
reminded me of Pacific Beach (for all my San Diego or California readers). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQOzONVaG345JfUYCtTXVQrDdDtLuQpG5uruKvFpCqvnhBi6u0_6oh1ayefhO_SsxPJMEany554FQcmIM5NvS_0DMc33nle9B5b4VE-UhUQDfl8wV1xIMlPgVZwlpBB4GpT2CNIghegmw/s1600/IMG_3457-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQOzONVaG345JfUYCtTXVQrDdDtLuQpG5uruKvFpCqvnhBi6u0_6oh1ayefhO_SsxPJMEany554FQcmIM5NvS_0DMc33nle9B5b4VE-UhUQDfl8wV1xIMlPgVZwlpBB4GpT2CNIghegmw/s1600/IMG_3457-L.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Coney Island. August 19, 2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I gave Dunkin Donut coffee another try
and instantly regretted it. Walking along the boardwalk, I spotted an ice cream
hut that also made ice cream milkshakes with coffee and of course caved to more
coffee. I realized that I was struggling to find any sort of appetite for food
since I had arrived, but I also knew that I wasn’t quite homesick either. I had
a lot on my mind, especially because my phone had been going off nonstop for
the previous three days. Friends and family were beginning to discover that I
had moved to New York. I was receiving continuous notifications and especially
texts – some asking why I would make such a move and others giving me their
support and love. I spent hours just walking around and admiring the ocean,
trying to ignore my phone and focus on facing my future and the insane risk I
was taking.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJZvdva6IETQJVxbihyFkgOns-JRBWfM-wgrVAsooUEv5MP-P9ydCtw3zwOxlIPwm4cnQeb_O8eTsG4xsqBF4XNQYIJd2W-EHb1ahN0o7BnBJm1tv-bg2OiO1xe6iFGoLgAXHHhCV5nDs/s1600/IMG_3464-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJZvdva6IETQJVxbihyFkgOns-JRBWfM-wgrVAsooUEv5MP-P9ydCtw3zwOxlIPwm4cnQeb_O8eTsG4xsqBF4XNQYIJd2W-EHb1ahN0o7BnBJm1tv-bg2OiO1xe6iFGoLgAXHHhCV5nDs/s1600/IMG_3464-L.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="color: blue;">[Coney Island. August 19, 2014.]</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When I arrived back at my friend’s
place, I packed up the couple items I had taken out of my suitcase and prepared
to move the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wednesday.
<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
August 20<sup>th</sup> changed the
course of my entire move to New York. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I woke up ready to go pick up the keys
from my "new roommate" and head over to the apartment to check it out
before moving in. After getting wonderfully lost, I traveled from the bottom of
Brooklyn to near the upper west side of Manhattan to meet her. She seemed like
a sweet person and even offered to help me move my luggage with her car if I
met her somewhere in Manhattan. I took the keys and went to check out the
apartment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It only took mere seconds after
entering East Harlem for my body to break into a tingling sensation. It took me
a moment to recognize that the feeling I was experiencing – heightened senses
and calculated steps, I was turned out and feared looking down for a moment to
check Google maps on my phone, I was holding my breath – fear. I didn’t feel
safe being here in broad daylight. What the hell was I going to do when the sun
set and I had to come home after Maghreb? An hour later, I realized that there
was one corner I was avoiding like it was a cobra – a corner of a group of men
cat –calling every female walking past them with disgusting leering. Shock ran
through me when I realized that the doorway led to the walkup where my
apartment sat. I took a deep breath and crossed the street. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When I arrived at the walkup, a term I
actually had never heard until later that night when I was describing it to my
friend, I stood calmly in front of the group of men before they sneered at me
and opened a path for me to walk into the building. I didn’t need any of my
keys, both doors leading to the building were unhinged and so was the door to
the apartment. I walked into the apartment and tried to piece together what I
saw. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I would be renting out the living
room. The room my roommate was taking had large windows for the sun to enter.
The living room had a small window that looked out to a shaft lined with four
more windows. I joked to my parents that now I could meet my neighbors all at
once. I wouldn’t even have to lean out to shake hands with all the apartment.
In fact, they could easily climb in and join me in my living room. I tried to
think positively. “Blinds. I need blinds.” The place was unfinished, which I
was told was the norm in New York – dirt and bug covered floors, mops and grey
water filled buckets in the closets, bathroom still not complete, odd looking
moldy food left in the three cupboard in the three step hallway, which I
realized was meant to be the kitchen. I kept trying to paint everything I was
seeing and feeling in a silver light. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Not until my mom was on the phone with
me did the hazy cloud surrounding my thoughts clear up and I started to see
clearly. As I was describing the situation to her, it hit me. Nothing,
absolutely nothing, that the girl told me added up with what I was seeing. I
kept telling myself and my mom that I just wasn’t used to the New York life.
Yet, something was still off. I could sense it. Something wasn’t right. It
wasn’t just me. As I was trying to paint a nice picture for my mom, which I
realized later was just me trying to convince myself that I would be okay, one
of the maintenance guys walked in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Excuse me, sir? Are you finished with
this place?” I was praying he’d say no.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yes, all finished. You can move in
now.” He gave me a wide smile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Huh. Really? How about everything you
have left in the apartment. I think it still needs work.” I opened the closet
for him to see. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“No, you can move in.” He insisted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“What time do you –“ I went to grab
the door handle and it all fell out into my hand, parts of it crashing to the
floor. “How about the door?” I held up what was left of the doorknob. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Oh, nah. Don’t worry about that. You
can move in now if you want.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I thanked him and darted out of there,
but not before seeing the five different style hardcore door locks that looked
like they’ve been removed and bolted on there over and over. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yep. I’m screwed, damn it.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“What? Are you still there?” Shoot, I
had forgotten that I was still on the phone with my mother. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yeah, mama, I’m just leaving. I need
to find my way out of this neighborhood. And, I think I need to call baba.
InshaAllah, I’ll update you later.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I hung up before leaving the building.
This time, I didn’t even try to check my map. I walked in a straight line,
straight out of the neighborhood. I couldn’t think straight. I was frustrated.
No, I was angry. At myself. If I was going to take this risk, I had to put
myself in uncomfortable situations. What I needed to figure out was if this
situation was worth it. Was anything worth my own safety? I remembered back to
the research I had done on East Harlem when I was still back in San Diego. Was
I just being too open about what I had read. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
By the time I got back to my friend’s
apartment in Brooklyn, I had contacted everyone that I remember that was in
Brooklyn and could help ask around for open housing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad called later that day and I
described to him the situation, more in depth than I had told my mom. When I
got to the doorknob part, he started laughing so hard, he was coughing. My
friend’s husband who sat in front of me at the dining table studying was also
in tears of laughter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“You know, it’s really not that funny
guys.” My voice was monotone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As my dad continued to laugh at my
entire experience, my friend’s husband remarked, “I can just see your reaction
holding that doorknob.” Honestly, the moment that doorknob fell into my hands, I
think that was the moment I had gone numb. I wasn’t shocked or stunned. It just
hit me that I needed to step back and reassess what I was doing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When my friend got home form work, she
insisted I just didn’t know New York. She wasn’t amused. Then again, I
considered her a New Yorker, but also knew she never had to live anywhere in
those parts of New York on her own. Let us be absolutely honest. On top of the
fact that this was my first time in my life stepping foot in New York, I’m a
young and single female that is also Muslim and wears the hijab. If I didn’t
feel safe walking through that neighborhood in the morning, there was no way I
would be able to step foot in it at night. I didn’t believe I would feel safe
being inside the apartment either. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
After my friend looked up the area
again and both she and her husband confirmed I would be living in the middle of
the projects, another term I had to have explained to me, I had to make an
important decision. My friend didn’t think it was right to just leave the
housing situation, making me reevaluate the way I had to handle it. I called my
dad and explained that as a Muslim, even if it maybe wasn’t the norm in New
York, I couldn’t just leave. Alhamdulillah I hadn’t signed anything, but I knew
I would feel guilty leaving that girl alone because she too was Muslim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she called late at night, I asked her if
she had even seen the apartment and I never got a straight answer from her
other than she had been to the area months ago and felt totally safe. I
admitted to her that I absolutely did not feel safe and would not move in. She
tried to be nice about it but kept repeating that I was putting her in a
difficult situation now needing to find another roommate. I knew that she
didn’t want me there more than 2-3 months because she wanted the place to
herself, but unsurprisingly, she wasn’t happy. I told her I would meet her the
next day to give her the keys back and a check to cover her a little while she
found another roommate. She quickly agreed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I slept with a migraine that night.
Less than a week in New York and the unexpected had hit. HARD. My friend was
incredible, but I couldn’t stay there. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“It’s all going to be fine. You need
to get off the computer and get some sleep. Seriously, you need to rest.” I
tried to take my friend’s husband’s advice, but I couldn’t comprehend anything
with the migraine that was making me insanely sick. I had given up on doing
anything on my screen, let alone contact more people for housing, all the
colors on the screen were swirling. I was sick to my stomach. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
What you need to understand is that it
wasn’t the lack of housing or even my feeling of distrust for the girl I was
going to live with that was eating at me, my brain was spinning trying to write
perfectly constructed plans for this ridiculous risk I was taking. I don’t
stress as much as I tend to take things out on myself – internally. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Thursday.
<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik2vK70SC_WiqkY-JGcBOrZMN_hE-FrPieh_TxvjCavzMWc7XtU3M7BosONz6yN2OTbH-gnd-ZKRmJWGDTdJwavs77NBdln5ZJUEaLjzjBE5vN_XzIIovqGEeoGGZgc60yUnn3Fd8BRAc/s1600/IMG_3474-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik2vK70SC_WiqkY-JGcBOrZMN_hE-FrPieh_TxvjCavzMWc7XtU3M7BosONz6yN2OTbH-gnd-ZKRmJWGDTdJwavs77NBdln5ZJUEaLjzjBE5vN_XzIIovqGEeoGGZgc60yUnn3Fd8BRAc/s1600/IMG_3474-L.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Treat yo’ self! August 21, 2014] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I got up the next day knowing I needed
to forcibly pick myself up and shove my brain into overdrive. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I met the girl at her work again and
handed back her keys and gaged if I could walk away without giving her a check.
Despite my feeling of guilt for leaving her in that apartment and neighborhood,
I didn’t like the way that she played it off like I was just too soft about the
New York experience and she kept repeating she had never felt safer about her
decision to live there. I took the time to ask more about her, like where she
was from originally and found that this would also be her first time living in
New York. Something seemed off about the entire situation. In the end, she
stood waiting to collect her check before we parted ways.</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Wednesday night I had contacted my
cousin’s wife. My cousin’s family lived in Princeton, New Jersey. I had
contacted his wife back when I was in San Diego and she was actually one of the
first people I told I was moving to New York. She was the first one in the
family that I told. She went to grad school at NYU and her sister had lived in
New York and knew all about housing and living situations. She had originally
invited me to stay in New Jersey before deciding on housing in the city, but I
didn’t want to burden anyone and surely didn’t want to hassle with the crazy
commute. Wednesday night I realized I had no other choice, I needed family and
I was blessed to have them near. She responded just as warmly as the first time
I told her I was moving to the east coast. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Coincidently, I was planning on
visiting my aunt – my mother’s eldest sister – in Princeton since she was
visiting her son and would be leaving soon. She called to check in on me and I
told her my housing fell through. She cut me off, “Come to Princeton. I don’t
want to hear excuses. Leave part of your things at your friend’s place and hop
on the first train tomorrow morning, do you understand?” I didn’t expect
anything different. She reminded me that my cousin was my big brother and that
I was welcome in his house for as long as I wanted to stay. I knew she was
right. On my mother’s side, I was the fourth oldest cousin. [On my father’s
side, I may be the 100<sup>th</sup>… maybe a little less. No joke.] This cousin
was someone I did consider to be a big brother to me. He was from Northern
California but since he attended UCSD when I was still in middle school he was
always around and my parents considered him to be a son. If I was going to turn
to any of my cousins, I knew it would be his family. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I knew I was blessed to have a back-up
option, but I was dreading the move. Yes, it would add to the adventure, but it
would also add a lot more complications to my move to New York. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Friday.
<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJAVfGkjICZyXBgALkx0as0FjWABCDjYcU-jdmg0OITRr-Mb4uJNaTnuS7dGuGplLPeB5blxZd9vRWolmCMlMBaikKSVvRnB1R7434yPnGjmjAJ85OoyiJXNkZnnDGnK3kC1uGdbcuLJg/s1600/IMG_3498-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJAVfGkjICZyXBgALkx0as0FjWABCDjYcU-jdmg0OITRr-Mb4uJNaTnuS7dGuGplLPeB5blxZd9vRWolmCMlMBaikKSVvRnB1R7434yPnGjmjAJ85OoyiJXNkZnnDGnK3kC1uGdbcuLJg/s1600/IMG_3498-L.jpg" height="400" width="338" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">[Cups, Brooklyn. August 22, 2014.] </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I woke early to head into Brooklyn for
a last minute trip. In my need for coffee, I randomly walked into Cups and
possibly had the best iced soy Nutella latte in my life. In my rush back to
call a car to take me to Penn station and hop on my train, I got off on the
wrong subway station and chose to walk about 40 minutes back to my friend’s
apartment. They had left me one of their keys to be able to grab my stuff and
head out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I placed the suitcase I was leaving on
the side and left a note on my friend’s bed pillow. I couldn’t find a way to
thank my friend and her husband for welcoming me into their home and dealing
with my first week of New York craziness, so I chose what I do best. Words. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Present
Day.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSUOsdL2d0u-mbUduiIrxZ4-lmYJWsop3nXAuxo7ilFC_UyVYpI05os9zbHevV3CERiByntYWCbdi697SkDEeFjvt1dgoU4K58YRpzd_aeu4RJBB3BZ3lbxq_1jJ2Mr4tTgMXfFidOTr0/s1600/IMG_4429-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSUOsdL2d0u-mbUduiIrxZ4-lmYJWsop3nXAuxo7ilFC_UyVYpI05os9zbHevV3CERiByntYWCbdi697SkDEeFjvt1dgoU4K58YRpzd_aeu4RJBB3BZ3lbxq_1jJ2Mr4tTgMXfFidOTr0/s1600/IMG_4429-L.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p><span style="color: blue;">[Infini-T Café. Princeton, New Jersey.]</span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I promise to inshaAllah share with you
a short post about my month and a half in Princeton, New Jersey along with my
adventures of a commuter life and my move back to New York. Yes!
AlhamduliAllah, in an unexpected way and through various circumstances, I
officially move back to Brooklyn this weekend. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
To be honest, I have felt like a
traveler since I stepped foot in New York on August 16. I’m looking forward to
actually experiencing New York and why I took this risk. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I don’t regret anything that has
happened. In fact I welcome every turn and hurdle that has been placed my way
as God’s test of patience for me and love in wanting me to experience this
adventure to its full extent. Everything does happen for a reason. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I have no idea how I am ever going to
thank my cousin and his wife enough for welcoming me into their home. May Allah
swt reward them for making me feel like I was at home in every way possible.
May He bless their family and little munchkins. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
*** <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I mentioned earlier that I don’t trust
easily and it is very difficult for me to ask for help or admit that I’m
struggling. It’s always a struggle for me. It is the one thing about myself
that I have never been able to control. Don’t mistake it for arrogance or ego
or pride. Every difficult, challenging situation and obstacle in my life
further reminds me that in the end I have no one but Allah swt. I know I am
never alone, but I also know that all I truly have is Him. I recently told a
friend that my first challenge when I moved here was to actually reach out to
people and tell them that I'm taking this risk and need help and advice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’m blessed that I have, who I
consider to be, a close friend in Brooklyn, and family nearby. As I’m preparing
to move back to Brooklyn, I am starting to recognize that I do have more
incredible friends in the city and New York in general that I can actually call
up if I found myself in a tight situation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’m excited for my adventure and
learning about myself, and even more excited for what I can offer the world. My
future awaits. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Salaam! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Hanoon<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-44417359158692095022014-09-25T17:44:00.000-07:002014-09-25T17:53:01.956-07:00San Diegan in the City that Never Sleeps<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">"One
day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most
beautiful." </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">- Sigmund
Freud</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“You believe you haven’t been doing
well for so long? You think you won’t find anything for you here?” I knew that
look. He wanted a straight answer, no appeasing him and mama about how I have been
faring after grad school. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad has asked me this before, but
this time felt different. I had been seeking employment for over a year
non-stop, to the extent that my writing was suffering. In February, I attended the
AWP Conference in Seattle, Washington in an attempt to stay connected to the
wider writing community. Two days before this conversation, I had arrived back in
the first week of Ramadan from the weeklong VONA (Voices of Our Nation Arts
Foundation) Genre Writing Workshop at the University of California, Berkeley
that I was blessed to have been accepted into attending. Both the conference
and workshop fueled my passion to write, but there was still something missing.
I was struggling. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Well… Baba, obviously, I have been
struggling. I mean… I don’t voice it publically, but… yeah. I honestly don’t
believe there is anything for me in San Diego, but AlhamduliAllah.” I tried to
figure out how he was going to react to my next statements. My mom had her head
down, working on her doctorate dissertation thesis on her laptop, but her
fingers weren’t moving and neither were her eyes. She was listening, not
reacting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Now, looking back, I don’t remember exactly
what I told my parents, but I do remember the gist of it…because it has been
spiraling through my mind for months on no end. I was as honest as I could be
with my parents. To paraphrase it: <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“I have
been applying for work non-stop for over a year. I’m at a point in my life
where I don’t just want, but also need, to step into the field I truly want to
throw all my passion. Something that actually makes me want to wake up in the
morning. It doesn’t exist in San Diego. I don’t know if it even exists in
California. I have been doing my best to network, but let’s face it – I see no
one here, I speak to no one here, I spend all my time either with family or in
some coffee shop with my time split between writing, editing, and applying for
jobs. That’s not a life.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My dad
took a nice long pause, and so did my mom, to the extent that the bustle of
noises from my siblings moving around the house and commotion of news airing on
television silenced in my head. Everything seemed to be on pause but my
parents. I held my breath as a rush of thoughts filled my head...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I had
been disagreeing with my parents on a lot of issues — from the career
I should go into to marriage and cultural norms. One thing I was certain of was
that I was taking a lot of frustration out on my family… With stupid, petty
disagreements, the kind where there’s no yelling, but you reach a point where
you recognize that your time could be spent doing something much more
beneficial and you and the person you’re disagreeing with will walk away, both
minds unchanged. I was at a point where quite simply I didn’t want to see
anyone, I didn’t want to spend time having a discussion with anyone, I didn’t
want anyone asking me about my future or, even worse, suggesting that I wasn’t
trying hard enough to find a husband, because that will surely solve all my
problems. Just… no. I could only stand to see my family and grandmother.
Everyone else was too much to handle. They were all noises adding on to the
uncertainty of my future. <o:p></o:p></div>
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More
difficult than anything, I didn’t know how to explain to my parents that I was
very, to put it lightly, unhappy. I was constantly numb to anything happening
around me. This scared me the most. I was internalizing every obstacle I was
struggling to tackle. I’m not one to blame anyone or any element in my life for
my setbacks or failures. I take out my frustration on myself, internally. I am
aware that my migraines are caused by many factors, but I also know they don’t
just appear out of thin air. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My
greatest struggle was that I don’t do well with standing still. I prefer to
live my life through movement. I welcome change. I welcome the unexpected, as
long as it propels me forward. I'm not one to look back at my past. I learn
from it, take what I need, but I'm always moving forward. I do not believe that
we are meant to sit still while we watch life spin around us. That’s exactly
what I was experiencing. My life was on pause – the longest pause I have ever
had to endure. I knew that sooner than later, I was going to implode. There was
no mountain high enough or ocean strong enough to conceal my inner scream. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was finished with living in a lull
in my life, at my age, and I knew my parents knew it. They had begun to tiptoe
around my daily routine, careful with how they approached me about finding work
or the mention of actually meeting anyone significant. While I love my family,
to be surrounded solely by them, never a stranger other than those in the cars
driving along side me, because even the baristas and coffee shop costumers
became familiar, was driving me insane. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was
standing at the end of a cliff, and I knew that my only option was to jump. Not
as the solution, but because jumping off the cliff would allow me to enter the
ocean and there is so much waiting to be discovered in the waters encompassing
the world. But, with financial instability in this day and age, how do you take
a risk that big? All those articles and lists about the need to go out and
experience life at a young age or in your twenties— absolutely ridiculous. They
all require financial stability that I do not have. The greatest problem is that
to gain that financial assurance, or at least some sort of hope to survive in
this world, you need the risk. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Maybe you need to try something
different.” My dad stated. We were both still standing, facing each other, with
my mother on the couch that was placed between us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“How? I have tried everything in my
capacity. All that’s left is to pick up my life and move, but I can’t do that
without a stable job or… Is that even possible?” I let that thought hang there.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What would it take for you to move to
New York? Let’s say you go. What would you do with that option?” My dad stood
facing me. It took me a moment to realize what he was offering me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Baba, how would I be able to afford
that? I’m not saying the idea of going to New York is a easy choice, I— “ He
cut me off. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Put aside expenses. Let’s say you
have 3 months in New York, make a plan and come to me. I want you to look
everything up. Go. Go and seek your rizq there…” He continued on with what I
had heard him tell me daily, everything happens for a reason and at the best
time for the situation because everything from Allah is kheir, good. I need to
continue to put my full faith and tawakul in Allah swt and His plan for me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If there was ever going to be a time
to take a big risk in my life, it would be now, while I’m young and simply
unattached to anyone. My entire life was sitting in the palm of my hand and my
dad was giving me an open ticket to snatch it and run. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Whatever happens, it will be for the
best. You go. Treat it as a trial. Your mama and I have always been in support
of everything you do and my job is to make sure you are financially safe.” I
realized that my mom had been staring at my dad with her, ‘Please tell me
you’re not serious’ face, but my dad continued on, “This will not be easy and
it will not happen overnight, but I have faith that it’s time, that you will
find something there – Allah only knows – whether it’s work or something else…
And if you choose to come back…” He opened his arms, “Your home is here. It will
always be.” Both my parents were now looking at me, “Nothing ever goes as
planned. That’s normal and okay. But, if God-forbid, you find nothing there,
then you consider this another adventure. You come back and work on a new plan.
If you’re ready, then do this.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wasn’t going to argue, but I was
stunned. My parents are incredible and amazing and I know I write about them
frequently, but every awesome parent has limits. For me, both Islam and culture
are always in play. Never in a million years did I expect my dad to be the one
to suggest I pick up my life and move with no perfectly stable plan for my
future. My dad is always about the plan, backup plan, and then backup plan to
the backup plan. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, I made a plan, got in contact with
the only and closest friend I knew in New York – my former college roommate
lives in Brooklyn with her husband, and a week later, I booked a ONE-WAY ticket
to New York. There was no going back. I would be leaving in one month. I was
about to embark on living out the pure definition of what it means to pick up
your life and chase your dream. <o:p></o:p></div>
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There was one rule I had for the
family: absolutely no one outside of the house (except for any friend I needed
to contact that was directly connected to my move) would know I was doing this,
except for my grandmother. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a hectic month for me with
Ramadan, keeping up on news about my family in Palestine during the latest
massacre in Gaza, Eid, my closest cousin’s wedding, and actually needing to
pack my life into two small suitcases for what could be 3 months to
indefinitely. <o:p></o:p></div>
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One of my challenges was needing to
tell my grandmother that I was leaving; the thought of leaving her was more
difficult to me than leaving my own mother. There is always this constant worry
in my heart that my goodbye in person could turn permanent and I kept pushing
that thought out of my head. The day I told my mom I was going to visit sitti
and tell her about the risk I was taking, I was both unsurprised and angry to
find out my mom had told her that morning. I wanted her initial, raw reaction
because my grandmother has this way of knowing straight up if something is
crazy or carries potential, and I have learned to understand from the way she
reacts or doesn’t react. I’m sure you have noticed that in my family, the act
of not reacting is just as big and intense as reacting. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The night I told my tata about my plan,
her support and honest response nearly ripped my heart apart, “Your mama told
me.” We were in the kitchen and I was watching her making tea. “It is very
difficult on me, you know. You know how much you are loved.” She was focusing
intently on the pot of tea for the guests sitting in the living room, trying
not to look at me. “I am going to miss you.” She finally stopped and looked
directly at me, as if to make sure what she was about to say would imprint
itself into my brain, which is did, “But, you need to go where you can build a
life for yourself and there is no shame in trying. Go and I already know you’ll
make us proud. If anyone can take a risk like this, it’s you. Promise, you’ll
take care yourself and don’t forget us. Stay safe, do you understand?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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I knew what she meant by, “if anyone… it’s
you” – I am taking this risk alone with nothing but my passion and true faith
driving me forward. I kept making dua and praying that all the faith my parents
and loved ones had in me wouldn’t fail them. That I wouldn’t fail them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I told my two closest friends during
Ramadan about my decision and their shock and support only resonated further in
the support my loved ones were giving me. A week before I left, I let my aunts
and uncles know, because I knew I needed their prayers and I didn’t want my
parents to carry the burden of backlash they would get if I just disappeared
off to the east coast and didn’t tell anyone. The reactions were more of
surprise at not just me taking the risk, but also disbelief at my parents for
allowing me to leave the house … single and unemployed. Support did soon
follow, but I recognized the looks and reactions. They resembled the ones I
received when people found out I wasn’t going to law school as I had planned
for years, but instead I went after a MFA. I would continue to reap the
blessings God gave me to sprint after my dreams. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Time seemed to not just pass by, but
actually evaporate, like it hadn’t existed at all. I packed in two days, and
said salaam to loved ones – because I don’t believe in goodbyes, and my family
joked about what they would miss about me leaving… Still, my mother was going
about the whole thing as if I wasn’t leaving. I realized more and more how
alike we are with masking our emotions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The morning I left, August 16, I was pretty
numb. Everything was a blur because everything had happened way too fast and I
still couldn’t believe I was leaving San Diego to pursue a very uncertain
future. The only aspect I had managed to secure before heading to New York was
housing. Looking back, in my head, I was certain that my mind was playing off
the entire thing like I was going on an extended trip, not actually moving
across the country to a city that can only be described as a completely
different world. To put things into perspective, before August 16, I had never
stepped foot on the east coast, let alone New York. Let that thought sink in a
bit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The moment of truth came after my bags
were checked and I stood in front of security. I didn’t know what it meant to
say salaam to my parents. To top it all off, this was the first time that both
my parents and all three of my siblings not only dropped me off at the airport,
but came down to watch me leave. That alone made the moment too real for me. Even
if I left permanently, I hoped I would get a job that would allow me to save
money to visit, but I also knew they would come visit me. What did hit me was
that this wasn’t a trip. I held a one-way ticket that would change the course
of my life forever, whether it be for better or worse. The risk I was taking I
could never take back. People take risks all the time. I knew that. I have
taken risks in the past, but in that moment, it terrified me that I couldn’t
see past the TSA agent waiting to pat me down. This would either be the
greatest or worst course of action I was taking, but I would never consider it
a mistake. This could very well be, “goodbye, San Diego.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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I stood there and cried silently,
which I have never done in public – and very rarely in private. As my family
gave me a group hug, I couldn’t find the words to tell them that if I failed, I
didn’t want anyone else to carry that burden or worse, think any ill of me. It
would be all me. More so, I didn’t want anyone to know about my trip, because
the more love and support I received, the riskier the path became because
failing would be more public that something I would shoulder on my own… That
wasn’t possible because the moment I walked through security and waved, my mom
and each of my siblings posted vague statues on social media bidding me
farewell. The floodgates of texts, messages, and confusion from friends and
family crashed my phone. It was both a testament to who I had in my support
circle, who really cared about me and quite frankly, who didn’t. Funny how big
changes in your life filter out the people who care versus those who you become
certain don’t have a place. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For everyone who keeps asking me how I
made the decision to take the risk I’m living right now, this post is for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #3366ff; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">"I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and
where I want to be to inspire me to not terrify me." - Tracee Ellis Ross <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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I have been on the east coast for a
month and week. I say east coast because I’m currently sitting in a coffee shop
at Princeton University, New Jersey, not in New York… You’ll soon understand
why through my next post. It’s been a insane month full of exploration,
adventure, and struggles. I’m happy to report that I’m constantly told that I
could easily pass for a New Yorker and not as someone who was dropped here a
little over a month ago. People are often surprised at how easily I have
assimilated to the east coast, embracing both the positive and negative vibes
surrounding each day I have been here. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When I think about it, the reasoning is
obvious and logical to me. I came to New York with a purpose and goal, with one
direction — to seek employment in the field of writing, editing, possibly
organizational work, and even photography. I’m also here working on my writing,
editing my first novel while in the midst of writing my second novel and
outlining for a memoir. I have a lot on my plate and it has not been easy, but
I welcome the challenges and obstacles as my road to strength and success. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I told a friend recently that I am
aware of those that continue to expect me to wake up and have some kind of
break down, regretting the risk I have taken upon myself. I know a large part
of it is that I'm doing this completely alone. It has not been easy, but I was
very aware of what I was getting myself into when I made the decision. It was
the same when I chose to go after an MFA and become a writer and editor. I went
into my field of study for the sake of Allah swt in my passion for the written
word and the belief that Muslims, especially females, need a voice across
literature and media. I moved to accomplish my goal for the sake of Allah swt
as well. Honestly, every single thing that could have gone wrong has happened,
but I push forward. I've always had the strong belief, whether it's all the
risks I'm taking right now or anything else in my life. I plan and plan, but
Allah swt also plans and what He plans is best. So, I do everything I can to
accomplish my goal, but then I also have to sit back and enjoy the beauty and
craziness, because no matter how much I do, the rest is for Allah swt to bring
together. I have full tawakul in God’s plan for me. I'm aware that I'm
seriously struggling, but I don't believe in backing down. We truly grow
stronger from our experiences. Allah swt never puts you in a situation that you
can't handle. I know it's going to take a long time, and in the meantime, I’ll
enjoy the journey – the good and bad. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm learning more about the way I
handle challenging situations, but I'm also learning more about those around
me. It's crazy that in New York, you're always surrounded by people, but also
alone as you move through the crowds. I don't know what's going to happen, but
I know that I'll get through it one way or another by moving forward.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: green;">“No amount
of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.
Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s
(God's) decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your
way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.” - Umar Ibn
Al-Khattaab (RA)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Now that you have been somewhat
updated, I will begin sharing stories of my life as a San Diego, Arab-American
hijabi tackling the beast we all like to call New York. I will also be sharing
a plethora of photography of my adventures. There is so much beauty here. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I hope that you will continue to
follow me on my journey as I chase my dreams and experience life. I will
honestly admit that I poured my heart out to you all in this post. If I’m going
to take risks, I might as well go big, right? For more frequent updates, be
sure to follow me on Twitter @haneenoriqat, Instagram @haneenoriqatphotography,
and especially my Facebook writer page at facebook.com/haneenoriqatwriter. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Here's to over an entire month of
surviving New York as I continue to conquer this new chapter of my life and
move to travel this beautiful world of ours...<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRRQpCDT51bz-66Q7AA-y67U6OXfA6FBm6BPay80UQhwNCBdFzAlQt-XdagFXQwVlflDoheMc_bet3Ua8e65fqvfPwZaA8ZV2TW-JcCGnyuexEVS8lLRhPNZM-jlHVpTf6RBpcROj37qE/s1600/IMG_3409-L.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRRQpCDT51bz-66Q7AA-y67U6OXfA6FBm6BPay80UQhwNCBdFzAlQt-XdagFXQwVlflDoheMc_bet3Ua8e65fqvfPwZaA8ZV2TW-JcCGnyuexEVS8lLRhPNZM-jlHVpTf6RBpcROj37qE/s1600/IMG_3409-L.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #351c75;">(This is the first picture I took in New York. I’m sure that it doesn’t surprise you that I chose for my first picture to be of The New York Public Library in Manhattan, New York. I am aware that it’s not a great picture, quite horrible actually, but I was awestruck by the library’s beauty. I was taking in the moment more than worrying about the lack of perfection of my first picture in New York… More to come soon.)</span></div>
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Salaam, <o:p></o:p></div>
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Hanoon <o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-14037111823204663342014-09-11T10:53:00.001-07:002014-09-11T10:53:35.481-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #8 <div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on September 11, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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Earlier today, I walked out the front
door to find myself face to face with a deer. Every morning, I watch a group of
deer gracefully playing through the trees in my cousin’s backyard. My friends on the west
coast laugh when I describe to them the beauty I have seen in Princeton, New
Jersey. Despite this, I didn’t expect to walk outside and find a deer on the
doorstep. Face to face with such a beautiful animal. We stared at each other,
the deer and I. As I slowly moved towards my bag for my phone, the deer ran
off. It was the one time since I have arrived on the east coast that I didn't
have my phone in my hand when leaving the house.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I had walked out of the house a
few moments earlier, the only thought on my mind was wondering if there were
any crazies in Princeton. My parents repeatedly made me promise I wouldn't go
into NYC today. The remembrance of September 11 is painful for all of us. They
say that in times like that, years later, you will forever always remember exactly what happened when the
plane hit the towers, or even when you heard the news. I definitely still
remember that moment. I know I have shared it with you all a few years back in one of my earliest blog posts (http://haneenoriqat.com/exactly-2-months-and-1-day-after-i-turned-13/). In an attempt to fulfill my promise to my parents to stay safe, I
figured heading for the university would be safe. The deer made me momentarily
forget my worries. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A few minutes later, I spotted the
busy street I would have to walk to get to the bus stop. Part of my walk has no
sidewalk or pedestrian area, and I was anticipating the itch of tall grass I
was going to walk through to stay safe from the cars. I have already
experienced unsafe moments while walking to the bus stop… Like a car purposely
trying to run me over and another trying to pick me up off the side of the
road. As promised, I will share all these moments in the upcoming week! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Focusing on the road ahead, I began
reciting Quran to soothe my thoughts. I was walking in between two trees in an
area that looked like I was walking on a bridge, with houses on either side,
when I noticed a flurry of birds dancing between the two trees and singing. As
I walked right through their delicate dance, I again forgot about the busy
street and crazies that would surely cross my path today. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I realized that Allah swt gave me the
blessing to witness and live both these moments. There's a lot on my mind
today, both personal challenges and struggles that my brothers and sisters in
humanity are facing today and everyday. Whether it's the remembrance of 9/11 or
1948; the continuous occupation of Palestine or other terrorist groups tearing
down the true teachings of Islam; down to racism and anti-immigration
shredding the idea of an “American Dream” or just carrying an identity that is
feared through being misrepresented, misunderstood, and stereotyped across the
world; so many more struggles that are not limited to these. It's a
simple reminder that it's a mercy from God that He allows us to move through
experiences, and momentarily forget ones that cause pain or heartache. We live.
We learn. We grow fiercer and stronger everyday to create change for future
generations and loved ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Today and everyday, I ask Allah swt to
fill your hearts with peace and joy and bestow his blessings and mercy upon
humanity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A statue across the street from Princeton
University that I stumbled upon today. The statue was titled, “Out to Lunch”
and made by Seward Johnson Jr. I also think reading while out to lunch is
wonderful, Mr. Johnson Jr. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Salaam (Peace), <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Hanoon<o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-33198009266560718652014-05-31T10:59:00.000-07:002014-05-31T11:13:15.875-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #7 <div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on May 20, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Last Thursday, after my parents read
my 6th entry, my dad called me, very worried, to discuss alternative ways in
which I could have handled the situation. I stepped outside of the coffee shop
because, like a true Arab, I needed plenty of space to pace back and forth and
throw around hand gestures as I calmly spoke to my dad over the phone.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
While on the phone, I noticed this
elderly women walking towards me. I kept trying to step aside thinking she
needed to get into the shop behind me. Instead, she kept positioning herself in
front of me. I instinctively expected the worst. From experience, I waited,
thinking she was going to make some "not-so-nice" remark to me.
Seeing me pause my end of the conversation, she waved her hand, motioning to
what I was wearing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: You look beautiful! That's very
beautiful! You look lovely! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Oh, thank you! You're so kind! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: The dress is beautiful! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Thank you. You're so sweet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Where did you get it from?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Oh, umm, JC Penny's. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: You bought this dress here??<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Yes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Here? In America?!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Yes, in San Diego.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Wow! I didn't know you could buy
dresses like that here! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Actually, all my dresses are from
here. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: I thought it was from overseas. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Nope.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Her: Well, it's beautiful. You look
very beautiful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Me: Thank you, ma'am. Have a wonderful
day!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad had gone silent on the other
side of the line.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Sorry, this little old lady just
walked up to me to compliment my dress."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad chuckled, "SubhanaAllah,
there are wonderful people in this world. There are <i>majaneen</i> (crazy people),
too. But, there are more kind people."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, AlhamduliAllah." <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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She was very sweet, but I still laugh
at the thought that she thought it was near impossible to find my dress in the
United States. I always get compliments on this specific maxi dress. It's my
favorite. (Hint: It's the dress I'm wearing in my writer page profile picture.) </div>
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<br /></div>
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To be honest, I don't think I could easily find a dress like this overseas.
When I visited Palestine in 2012, all my family overseas were shocked that my
entire wardrobe was all bought in the US. From long, flowing dresses to my
long, loose shirts and not skinny jeans. All the malls I stepped into while
overseas held tight clothing; I couldn't find a single item I would want to
buy. The only items I came back with for myself and loved ones were the only
non-tight abayas I could find and traditional Palestinian thobes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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What this lovely woman said made me
think about one of the ways that I am stereotyped as a hijabi. Despite my
personal view that the dress I was wearing screamed Western modern attire, she
had just assumed that I must have bought it from overseas because I am a Muslim
hijabi. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Stereotype or not, my heart swells
with happiness when someone makes the decision to come up to speak to me about
my hijab or way of dress, whether it may be compliment or ask questions. It
just comes to show that not only is this world still filled with kind people
willing to take action to learn something new, but that dressing
"differently" holds its own kind of beauty. As long as I confidently
dress the way I do for the sake of Allah swt, AlhamduliAllah.<o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-13590090819050750142014-05-30T11:15:00.001-07:002014-05-30T11:15:16.683-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #6<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on May 14, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Driving can be dangerous. Driving
while hijabi is it's own form of extreme danger. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
About a year and a half ago, I was
driving up to Los Angeles for one of my graduate school residencies. I'm not a
fan of LA, but I was trying to get used to it. I was on the Interstate 405
North. Traffic was insane, as usual in LA. I was driving 5-10 MPH, if I was
even moving. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I remember I was bopping my head to some song when I glanced in my
rearview mirror and noticed the driver in the car behind me was shaking his
fist at his rearview mirror. His face was scrunched in anger, and I'm sure if I
had paid more attention I would have seen the spit flying from his mouth with
the intensity in which he was yelling. I turned my attention back to the
traffic in front of me. We were beginning to inch forward a little less slowly. </div>
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As the cars around me began driving, I realized that the car behind me had made
it's way next to me. While my lane wasn't moving, his was. I realized then that
he was holding up all the cars behind him because he was keeping pace with me.
I stared at him, all while taking glances at the cars around him honking like
crazy. It took me a moment to recognize that this was the same car that had cut
me off a few times after I merged onto the 405. Seeing that his window facing
mine was down, I kept my windows up but I turned down my music a little to
confirm that he was yelling obscenities at me. I was able to drive a bit
quicker, but this guy was keeping pace with me as cars moved from around him. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I
considered my options: what the hell was I supposed to do? Call the cops? And
say what? "Hi, I'm on the 405 and this psycho is keeping pace with me. I
can't see his license plate, but he's an old white guy in a very expensive car.
He's wearing a suit. What's that? Oh, yea, I have no idea why he's doing this.
Me? I'm Muslim. Hijabi, to be specific... Hello? What do I do?!!" Or, I
could smile, wave, and pray to God that another safer option was ahead of me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I
chose to smirk and drive off, placing myself on the other side of the freeway
between two large cars. If anything, this experience cemented my hate of LA. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I share this story because it was one
where I could have been in danger, but an hour ago, a car tried to drive me off
the freeway... in San Diego. </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As I was driving to my current destination, I
noticed this white soccer mom type van was driving circles around me in a
box-like car waltz. He was literally boxing me in. I am always exceedingly
aware of my surrounding while driving. </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When I started driving, back when I was
a teen, my grandmother's advice was, "Drive like you're the only sane one
on the street, and everyone else is insane!" </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I kept denying that this
driver was driving around me on purpose, but after quite a few miles, I
couldn't ignore it. I have been wanting to tint my car windows so that drivers
can't look into my car while I'm driving. I checked my mirrors and could see
this driver focused on me. I tried to slow down or speed up, anything to get
around him and take the other side of the freeway, but he was vicious in his
movements. I finally drove at his pace and looked straight at him, another old,
white guy staring at me. Once again, I couldn't get a license plate. I could
see my exit ahead and knew I needed to exit and merge onto the next freeway. I
knew I needed to make the only logical choice, keep myself safe to also make
sure there would be no horrendous consequences to anyone around me. Seeing an
open opportunity of having no cars around us, I pretended to swerve as if I was
going to hit him and he moved quickly. I exited, missing the sign on the end of
the divider by an inch. All it would have taken was one second. I wasn't even
speeding! </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
In my head, I saw my car splitting down the middle and throwing my
body straight into the middle of the freeway. My fast reflexes, steady driving,
and strong brakes would not have saved me. I have no idea how I made it. It was
Allah swt. Period. </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My first thought was,"Pray two rakaat shukoor (thanks)
to Allah the moment you park!" My second thought was, "An entry on
Facebook would be a good way to tell my parents I almost died tonight... and
get my brother to look into tinting for my car." In all seriousness,
AlhamduliAllah, I arrived safely. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The fact that my religion and choice
to wear the hijab is what makes driving dangerous, not the usual reasons, is
beyond ridiculous. Thank you, San Diego, for reminding me that ignorant scum
reside everywhere. I still love you SD, even with your own psychos. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I will say that I drove the rest of
the way to my destination smiling. It's moments like these that I recognize my
strengths. Despite all the situations, some more dangerous or hurtful than
others, I have been in specifically because I have made the choice to wear my
religion visibly, I continue with my jihad (struggle) for the sake of Allah
swt. To all my Muslim brothers and sisters, especially my hijabi sisters, stay
safe out there on the streets. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-79115342499789354832014-05-29T11:02:00.000-07:002014-05-29T11:02:09.265-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #5<div class="WordSection1" style="layout-grid: 18.0pt;">
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on April 19, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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I'm at one of my usual coffee shops,
where all the baristas know me by name and have my orders memorized. I have the
kind of relationship with baristas where going up to order coffee isn't as
quick as it should be because we do things Arab style. Saying hello and goodbye
is a 10 minute to three-hour affair. Even if I'm in a rush, we take some time
to catch up before they ask for my order. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It's pretty empty today, which I love.
When I ordered today, the barista at the cash register, as usual, didn't ask
for my name. We were chatting, so I didn't notice if she actually wrote my name on the cup or not. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After going back to my seat for a few
minutes, I hear:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Barista #1: "Venti, iced, soy,
vanilla macchiato (yea, I felt like changing up my boring order)... for
smiley-face!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Barista #2: Smiley-face, your drink is
on the bar.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Barista #3: (in a sing-song manner)
Smiileeey-faace, oh Smiley! Your drink is ready.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
All baristas: Smiley! Smiley! Smiley! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I am very accustomed to baristas being
unable to pronounce my name, pronouncing it creatively, or just choosing not to
write it on the cup instead of admitting they don't know how to spell it
correctly, which is fine, as long as I get my drink.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After letting them have a bit of fun,
I finally got up to retrieve my coffee.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I gave a WIDE smile, "Thank
you!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The barista that actually made my
drink, "You are very welcome!" <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I do tend to confuse baristas,
especially when it's early in the morning, because I like going up to the
counter with a huge smile on my face! Maybe I'll just start going by Smiley at
coffee shops from now on.<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--EndFragment-->Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-77383720118641710222014-05-28T10:47:00.000-07:002014-05-28T10:47:05.296-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #4 <div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on March 20, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I have spent all day in a coffee shop
working and catching up on many items that have needed my attention. The only
downside of this is it's the first day of spring, I'm in La Jolla of all
places, and I'm sitting behind a window. Surprisingly, I have only had one
large soy iced caramel latte. What can I say, I was feeling adventurous. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Back to my story. I'm sitting in my
usual spot at this coffee shop, Peet's Coffee and Tea, facing a window covered
wall. I love this spot because I can focus on my work for hours and look up to
see the outside world and people watch a little when in need of a break. I'm
working intensely when two older ladies take a seat next to me. They are
speaking in thick accents. I can't place their language, but it sounds
beautiful. They smile and chat to each other excitedly. Right about now, my
coffee has been finished for a while and I feel like getting something else
because I know I'll be here for definitely a few more hours. My head is also
unsurprisingly throbbing with the threat of a migraine looming into the night. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In between them sits a pink box. I
watch as they leave it there and come back each with a small pot of hot water,
two large mugs, and honey. They open a box to reveal a large piece of layered
chocolate and vanilla cake to share, I presume. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Suddenly, I really want some hot tea,
which surprises me. I always end my day with a hot dry mint tea and honey, but
I have never bought tea outside of the house. (Tea is not to be confused with
chai.) As I'm contemplating this move, my grandmother's voice jumps into my
internal conversation and I hear her making my argument to myself: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Shai??! Meen bidfa3 la shai bara
il beit? Wallah basaweel7um a7la kassit shai fi dar! A7la kassit shai ma3
na3na3 wa 3assal kamaan. Balla 7al shai illi mafi ta3im. Isma3ee meeni, a7lalik
ishtirilik a7we ma biti3rifi itsawee7a fil beit. Bas kamaan fish a7la min il
a7we il 3arabiya. A7lalik itraw7ee wa tishrobilik ishi fi ta3im. Khudee7a
mini."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
(Translation: Tea??! Who pays for tea
outside of the house? I swear, I'll make them the best cup of tea at home! The
best cup of tea with mint and honey, too. Forget this tea that has no taste.
Listen to me, it's better for you to buy coffee that you don't know how to make
at home. But also there's nothing better than Arabic/Turkish coffee. It's best
if you go home and have coffee that actually tastes good. Take it from me.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I love my grandmother with my entire
heart and soul. Therefore, I'm taking the advice I think she'd give me if she
were here with me! Considering I make delicious coffee at home (just ask family
and friends), I prefer the coffee shop atmosphere because I get a lot of work
finished while outside of the house with no responsibilities or distractions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
You know what I can't make? Iced chai.
Hot chai in a pot I can do. Iced never comes out as good as I want it... Chai
it is! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Am I the only one who randomly hears
their grandmother or parents' commentary in their head when making decisions?
No? Just me? That explains a lot.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-36175563631881519202014-05-27T10:31:00.000-07:002014-05-27T10:31:22.865-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #3<div class="WordSection1" style="layout-grid: 18.0pt;">
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Original
entry on March 5, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
A lot of my story ideas originate in
coffee shops because of all the crazy encounters and experiences. Not all are
crazy. Some are kind of sweet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I needed some time to work on editing,
so I decided to head to the nearest coffee shop to work. In this case, the only
coffee shop in my area that's open until midnight is Starbucks, which I don't
mind because it's always filled with students and teachers studying and
working. The baristas all know me and are very kind. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Anyway, the problem is that it's always
filled this time of day. I found one empty table next to an older gentleman. I
asked if the table was taken, and he shook his head. He wordlessly stood up and
moved all his things to the side so that it wasn't in my way. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Thank you," I smiled at him,
but he continued to look at me quietly and expressionless. I put my stuff down
and opened my laptop. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"You went to Hillsdale Middle
School, right?" His question surprised me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, I did. Wow, that was a long
time ago." It took me a moment to remember how long it had been. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"No, I remember you."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"It's been over 13 years,
sir." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, I know. I remember you very
well. You weren't my student, but you attended class between the classrooms I
taught in." I looked at him and tried to remember him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Wow, I can't believe you
remember that."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, well, how have you
been?"<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Good. I'm doing very well."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"That's good."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I realized then that even though he
looked familiar, I couldn't for the life of me remember his name.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"I'm sorry, what's your
name?"<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Marc Whitaker."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Oh! I do remember you! I think
you may have had one of my siblings." <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, I taught math. You may have
had Henderson or [he mentioned another teacher]."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"No, I had Mrs. Henderson."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"She's not there anymore, but I'm
still there."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"My favorite teachers are the
ones who are still teaching after all these years. It shows me how much they're
dedicated to teaching."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, well, she retired. I don't
know if that was after your time."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yes, she did. She retired the
year I graduated. I had Henderson, George, Ellis, and... Hund, I think."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Ellis is still there."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Yea, I know. She was my
favorite. My sister has her now."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"But George now works at
[mentioned another place]." <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Wow, I can't believe how long it
has been. My brother and sister went through Hillsdale after me, and my
youngest sister is still there now."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"What grade?" <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Seventh."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Who does she have?"<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Honestly, I don't remember. I
have no idea."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
"Hmm, but I definitely remember
you."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
After our conversation, I texted my
siblings to ask them if they remembered him. My sister, who is now in high
school, remembered him and excitedly told me he was her honors algebra teacher.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It was crazy to me that Mr. Whitaker
still remembered me after all these years, despite never having had me as one
of his students. I started wearing hijab the week before eight grade, and I was
the only hijabi at that school. I'm aware that I vividly stood out from the
other students. Mr. Whitaker hasn't been the only teacher to recognize me since
I've moved back here. It's nice to know that I'm remembered, and in a good way,
I hope!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--EndFragment-->Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-77879602596774807022014-05-26T10:34:00.000-07:002014-05-26T10:34:55.904-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #2<div class="WordSection1" style="layout-grid: 18.0pt;">
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on March 3, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As my mom was driving and I sat in the
passenger seat, we stopped at a light to turn left. The lane for oncoming
traffic stopped right next to us. As the light turned green for both our lanes,
a car next to us facing the other way and about to pass us stopped and the
woman driving motioned for my mom to pull down her window. Her husband was
visibly seen trying to stop her. My mom turned down her window and the woman
said, "What you're wearing, the scarf, is so beautiful!" My mom lit
up and responded, "Thank you!" <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
A moment later, as we turned into the
parking lot of the store we were going to, we realized another car behind us
was tailgating our car. We both parked. As we were walking by, the woman and
her daughter gave us the dirtiest looks. They literally held eye contact with
us all the way from crossing the street until we entered the store. It took
everything out of me to not give both of them a piece of my mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
There are both kind and horrible
people in this world, but one good gesture, word, or even smile goes a long
way, even if followed by a reminder that not everyone has good in them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
How difficult is it truly to bridge
understanding and harmony between each other as brothers and sisters in
humanity? Not at all. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
To the kind woman who took a few
seconds to make our day, I wish something good lights her day, too.<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--EndFragment-->Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-1927930330512603362014-05-25T01:10:00.001-07:002014-05-25T09:31:37.036-07:00Adventure Diary of a Muslim-American Hijabi, entry #1<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Original entry on February 26, 2014<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Allah swt is the best if planners. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Woke up this morning excited for my
flight to Seattle for the AWP conference. Checked my email randomly and found
that my flight with Southwest was canceled. After several calls, I found that I
needed to be at the airport in a little over an hour to catch an earlier, next
best flight. My stress level was soaring. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
While standing in security, I prepared
myself for the full "random" check I always receive by removing my
jacket, belt, and placing everything in my bag. I watched the guy in front of
me unlace his shoes and thought about how much I hated removing my shoes at the
airport. While getting closer to the machines, I noticed my line was a lot
shorter than the others and thought to myself, "Yep. The random check
line," only to be told by the TSA agent that we were in the TSA Pre<span style="font-family: "Menlo Bold";">✔</span> Lane and won't need to take off
anything.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
SubhanAllah wa AlhamduliAllah, Allah
swt truly is the best of planners.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Of course, the TSA that met me after I
walked through the metal detector freaked out a bit and tried calling another
agent to come check my hijab before finally deciding to pat it down herself.
"Wow! You have a lot of hair under there!" She laughed and I smiled.
"Yes. Yes I do, ma'am." <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This all reminded me of this article
on The Hummus News. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.thehummusnews.com/arab-breezes-through-airport-security-reports-it-to-tsa-headquarters-2/">http://www.thehummusnews.com/arab-breezes-through-airport-security-reports-it-to-tsa-headquarters-2/</a><o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-12334239813874468222014-03-27T20:24:00.000-07:002014-03-28T22:44:33.777-07:00My Father: The Strongest Man in My Life<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">I say this all the time, but never
enough times: I love my parents. They are my number one supporters and will
always be my role models and friends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I talk about my mom a lot. All my
friends know my mother and have expressed to me how much they love her. Growing
up, my mother was never just a parental figure. She was and still is my best
friend. Of course, there was a fine line between the two. I have always turned
to her first with my challenges and asked for her advice. I also didn’t have
the relationship that was distant or strictly just respect and fear of my
mother. I have always been able to turn to her with literally everything. If
you know me, you know my mother and what kind of relationship we have. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">AlhamduliAllah</i>, I wouldn’t change it for
the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As much as I speak of my mom and how
blessed and proud I am for being her daughter and inspired I am by her
struggles and success of being a mother, friend, educator and follower of her
goals and aspirations to soon hold a doctorate in education, she is responsible
for only half of who I am today.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I don’t speak of my father often. My
father is, and will forever be, the greatest man in my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If my mother is the glue that holds my
family together, my father is the rope that keeps all of us comfortably and
lovingly bound together. Without the glue, we would not be the unified entity
my family is now. Without the rope, the glue would slowly begin to loosen,
leaving us lost.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
You know how when you’re young, you
see your parents as your superheroes. Their flaws are hidden and when you begin
to see the cracks on the surface, a little hope is lost? Nearing twenty-six
years of age, with three younger siblings, I honestly believe I will never lose
faith or hope in the unit I call my parents. I understand that perfection does
not exist. I stand by these words, with one exception. My parents together, as
one unit, are perfection. Through all the ups and downs in any of my siblings’
lives, and theirs, they have continued to stand together in a way that I can
only describe as a beautiful blessing from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah
swt</i>. My parents are not only husband and wife, mother and father, but also
best friends and their greatest support system and forces of encouragement to
each other.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’ve been trying to find the words to
write about my father, and I realized I can only do it through remembering
situations in which he has displayed all the strengths that I see in him and
pray that I will one day learn to carry. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;"><b>My father… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">Is a loving and supportive husband.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I don’t
believe I have ever gone a day without watching my dad show his affection to my
mom, whether it’s verbally or through small acts. I wish I could count all the
times my dad has spoken of his admiration for my mom to others and my siblings
and I whenever she was not in the room. I can only pray to one day be with
someone who shows his love to me even when I’m nowhere near him. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Recently,
my mother received the California Language Teacher's Association (CLTA) 2014
Outstanding Teacher Award, and at the end of her thank you speech, she ended by
expressing to the packed room of educations, “I want to share a proverb from
the Arab culture that says, ‘Behind every great man, is a great woman who
supports him to achieve success.’ Today, I am saying that behind every great
woman, there is a great man who supports her to achieve success. Without my
husband’s love and support and belief in me that I can do anything, I would not
be standing here today.” This is the perfect example of my parents’ relationship.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">Treats his daughters like both princesses and warriors. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Growing up, I never wanted to be a
princess, and no one certainly saw me as a princess. I wanted to be a warrior.
My dad sees all three of his daughters as warrior princesses. It’s more than
just being spoiled. My dad regularly compliments his daughters, not just in
beauty, but for our brains and strengths. When my mother praises me or tells me
I’m beautiful, I glow with happiness. But when my father tells me I look
beautiful and praises me for being independent and fierce, I soar.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Earlier this week, I came home late
from a long day of applying to jobs and working on my writing. I was exhausted
and stressed out. I was about to go off about the struggles of finding a stable
job when my dad randomly smiled at me and said, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">MashaAllah</i>! You look so beautiful!” He made a small dua’ for me and
gave me a kiss on the cheek, coming in for a warm hug. It stopped me in my
tracks. I looked down to see what I was wearing. It wasn’t anything
particularity fancy, but there was my dad telling me how lovely I looked
despite the frown on my face. I couldn’t help but smile, “Shoukran, baba!” And
then of course returned to my venting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
A few weeks ago, my sister was
discussing make-up foundation with my mom. Personally, I have never worn make-up
and aside from eyeliner I couldn’t name anything sitting on a make-up counter
to literally save my life. Both my dad and I were in the living room, but not
actually in the conversation. My dad suddenly looked at my sister and said, “You
know, if you didn’t stress so much, you wouldn’t think you needed this stuff.”
My sister, already stressed, huffed that my dad didn’t understand. My dad shook
his head and turned to me to explain, “I meant, she doesn’t need makeup. She’s
beautiful. All my daughters are beautiful.” He stated it as a clear fact, unable
to understand how we couldn’t see our own beauty. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Makes sure
his children understand the blessings of being strong, fierce, and independent.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Growing up, my dad constantly referred
to his children as stubborn and determined. It was a compliment. Being
independent and driven to accomplish whatever we set our minds on, was
something to be proud of, whether it was for my sisters and I or my brother. Whenever
my dad mentioned any strong quality in my siblings and I, he would try to
deliver it in a serious tone, but I always saw that smile of his on the ends of
his mouth, threatening to turn into a grin. A fierce woman is not to be feared,
but to be celebrated. Islam (not to be confused with culture) gave women all
their rights, long before the United States or any democratic country. The
strongest women in history can be read about in the stories of the Prophet
Muhammad (PBUH) from Khadija to Aisha, may Allah be pleased with them. My dad
makes sure that both his daughters and son understand the importance of women
having rights in Islam. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Believes in
the importance of education, especially for women. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If there is anything that my dad has
instilled in all his children, especially for his daughters, is that we must go
as far as we can in our education, no matter what field we choose. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Without my father’s encouragement and
motivation, I knew that my mom was hesitant to go back to school with four
children. My dad pushed her to return to her passion of learning. After her
M.A., my father insisted that she go after her Doctorate of Education. He knew
that my mom has always dreamed of it. During that first stressful semester, my
mother decided she was going to quit. At the end of her first course, my dad
walked in with a gift for her. He had made a special order for a beautiful hand
carved wooden name plate that had her name followed by Ed.D carved into the
wood. My mom argued that she may not make it to the end and my dad, with
complete confidence, told her there was no doubt about her receiving her
doctorate. We would all definitely see her walk across that stage. Sure enough,
my mom is currently finishing up her dissertation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
While attending UCSD for my
undergraduate degree, I lived away from home. I called each of my parents
separately every single day. My mom would ask the basics: have I eaten? Slept?
Attended class? My father was quite the opposite. I always called him later in
the day because our conversations were always longer. He always remembered the
exact exams I was taking and when, despite how many times I wished he would
forget so I wouldn’t be asked, “How was the exam? Did you do well? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">AlhamduliAllah</i>, thank God, is not an answer.
Thank God you did well or thank God you did horribly?” I secretly worried when
he would pick me up to go home for the weekend only because he found it
necessary to turn the entire conversation onto me. I was always the main focus
and my education and future was always the topic. Numerous times, he would
explain to me that no matter what I chose to do, I had to continue my education
and find a stable job that I was happy in to support myself. He explained that
when I get married, my husband and I would be a unified team. We must support
each other and care for each other as one, even if that meant to financially
support each other. It has always been important to stand strong and
independent. My education was always so important that he didn’t want me
working if it took away from school. School always came first. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">Is an open-minded father who encourages and welcomes
discussions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My dad
and I don’t agree all the time. With our disagreements come long discussions.
He always welcomes a healthy discussion. If one of my siblings or I come in
full force with an argument, he listens to our entire side first before
deciding on his response. He insists we sit down and hash it out. His reasoning
and calculative way of responding to situations is why I always told my dad
first when I made large decisions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
When I
took on a photography minor, I called my dad. He didn’t understand why I would
want to spend time on something that wouldn’t benefit my future. I explained to
him I was passionate about photography and wanted to expand on my skills.
Despite telling him it would be costly, he said if it would make me happy and I
could use it in the future, to go for it. I asked him to not tell my mom so
that I could tell her. The instant I hung up with him, I knew he would tell my mom
right away. They were a team. I called my mom and sure enough she wasn’t happy
I told my dad not to tell her and couldn’t see the reasoning in doing a
photography minor. Reminding them both I was still on track to go to law
school, they supported me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
When I
wanted to switch my major to Literature/Writing at the beginning of my Junior
year of UCSD, I told my dad first. He recalled back to when I was a child and
showed him the first picture book I had written and illustrated, and reminded
me of every school projected that I turned into an illustrated book. He would
support me on one condition, that I would sit down and understand that I was
taking a very risky step that needed a concrete plan if I still wanted to go to
law school. My mom wasn’t happy about it. My last year of UCSD, while my mom was
at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hajj</i>, pilgrimage, I called my dad
and to inform him I pushed my Literature/Writing to my minor and went back to
Political Science – International relations as a major in preparation for law
school applications. Again, he supported me but asked for a plan for my future.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The
biggest step I took in my life, aside from streaking my hair royal blue in
college (yea, that happened), was informing both my parents together that I was
applying to MFA programs and not law school. My dad was the first one to support
me. I know for a fact, it took some time for my mom to understand my decision
and finally get on board. It still makes my heart soar when I hear someone ask
my parents what I do and they excitedly explain I hold an MFA in Creative
Writing and I’m a writer. My dad was there from step one, even back before I
could admit to myself that I would indeed become a writer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">Is the perfect example for his son of what a strong man needs
to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My
brother is very close to my dad, and not just because he is the only son. With
four strong women in the house, I know it gets very crazy to handle for my dad
and my brother. Growing up, my father has shown my brother through actions the
importance of respecting not just his mother and sisters but also every single
woman. This has made my brother a close friend for my sisters and I. I see
qualities I admire in my dad that are mirrored in my brother. Just like my dad,
my brother regularly compliments my mom, my sisters, and I. He doesn’t hold
back from genuinely telling us we look good or if not, then he says we look
“comfortable”. He constantly compliments our strengths and tells us how much he
believes in us and our dreams. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Is the
example of a hard working man. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Although I was born in the United
States, both my parents didn’t gain citizenship until a few years after
arriving in the United States due to the Gulf War. My dad came to the United
States as a respectable civil engineer. However, to work as an engineer here,
it would take years of learning about the system in the U.S.A. and a large
amount of job applications. While trying to find work in his field, to support
my mother and I, he started as a carpet cleaner. He then went on to work at a
gas station and became manager. During his time working at the gas station, he
also worked as volunteer at an engineering company. All the while, he continued
to apply to engineering positions. After five years at the gas station, when he
couldn’t find work in the states, he tried moving back to the Middle East to find work and bring us there. My mother,
siblings, and I had to endure six months without him. Knowing it would be
difficult for us to move back oversees after living in the United States, he came
back, studied on his own, self-taught himself the programs being used here,
took the exams necessary, and finally secured a position with the city of San
Diego, where he is now a Project Manager. My dad has taught my siblings about
what it takes to work hard and succeed, rising from the bottom to the top. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Is a man of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deen</i>, faith. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad has raised his children within
Islamic principles and morals. After praying <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fajr</i>, the prayer before sunrise, I sometimes go downstairs to get a
cup of water before getting a bit more sleep. What I have never told anyone, is
that I’m not actually thirsty in the morning. I only go downstairs if I hear
movement because I know that after <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fajr</i>,
my dad likes to sit on the couch and read Quran. My mom always tells us how
jealous she is of the amount of times my dad finishes recitation of the Quran
during the year. If there is anything I want to be jealous of when it comes to anyone, it’s their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deen</i>. I don’t mean
jealousy in the vicious form, but jealousy in striving to make myself better to
reach the status of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deen</i> in the
people I love and admire for the sake of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah
swt</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad constantly reminds his children
to put their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tawakul</i>, trust, in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah swt</i> and work for His sake. At UCSD,
the Muslim Student Association holds a Grad Banquet for the graduates at the
end of the year. A person is secretly chosen for each graduate to speak about him/her.
For me, the Grad Banquet committee chose a friend who lived with me for only
the last year at UCSD, and we weren’t even roommates. I was surprised at how close we had become. Her entire speech about
me revolved around what she referred to as “Haneen’s motto in life”. I was
unaware that everyone was aware of my heavy use of the words “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">InshaAllah</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kheir”</i>, or God-willing good, in every situation. It was how I
viewed each situation, with positivity and placing my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tawakul</i> in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah swt</i>. This is still the way I am seen now. This
was something ingrained in me by my parents, but more so something constantly verbalized
by my father. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Deen</i>,
and pure intentions in doing everything for the sake of Allah swt, is the first
trait I look for in a man. The way that someone holds their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deen</i> tells me everything about a person,
from the way he holds himself to the way he treats others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Is quite
possibly the most sarcastic and emotionally filled man I know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If you know me, you know how sarcastic I
am, with limits, of course. My father loves to have fun. If he’s not reciting
Quran out loud just because he feels like it, you can occasionally find him
singing or dancing around with my little sister. Laughter is a constant sound
in my house. Growing up, and even until now, when my siblings and I are in trouble, it takes us a
few minutes to figure out if my dad is being serious or if he’s joking around
with us. I can’t live without laughter and a sense of humor in my life. As Mahmoud
Darwish the illustrious Palestinian poet, said, “Sarcasm helps me overcome the
harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people
smile." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My dad is never afraid to show
emotion, from shedding tears when my mom receives awards to expressing to my
brother how much he loves him when my grandfather, God bless his soul, passed
away. I’m a very private person and don’t show much emotion, other than
sarcasm. My dad always has a smile on his face, even when going through
something tough. He tries to keep any of his worries away from us, so that we
never have to worry. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When it comes to affection, my dad is
a big hugger! When arguments have gotten heated between he and anyone in the
house, I’ve seen him defuse the tension by just giving the person a huge hug.
It’s funny watching one of my siblings try to outrun my dad’s hug and big
smile when they’re frowning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">Respected for his love and generosity more then anyone else
I know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
When I
visited Palestine in fall of 2012, I was treated like a queen. This was not
because anyone knew me. Sure, everyone knew my incredible parents. Ninety-nine
percent of the time, I knew for a fact – whether understanding on my own or
being told by someone – that the royal treatment I experienced – not just by my
dad’s brothers and family, but by every single person who knew my dad or even
heard of him – was because of the love and respect everyone has for my dad,
simply because of his generous heart and contagious smile. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">Taught his children the proper way to treat our parents and
siblings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My dad
left his parents’ house for college, when he chose to attend university in
Egypt. He has been the only one to move to the United States and be so far
away. Despite this, from weekly phone calls to actions, his love for his family
is absolutely indescribable. When I visited Palestine at 12 years old, I still
remember my paternal grandfather, God bless his soul, and his admiration and words of
love for my dad. My paternal grandmother, God bless her soul, and her love for my father
was so strong that I could feel it enveloping all his children. I will never
forget that ever since I was a child, my dad’s calls to my grandmother would
ALWAYS begin with, “Asalaamu Alaikum, sitt el habayib”, meaning the mother of
all the love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Years after my paternal grandparents passed
away, God bless both their souls, my father still makes it a priority to call
my uncles and aunts to check on them and their families. He also insists that
my siblings and I keep connections with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins on
both sides of the family. My dad is not the oldest in his family. He is the second
youngest of nine children. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I didn’t
know my father’s parents well, and truth be told, aside from pictures of when I
was a baby living overseas, I only remember meeting them twice – when I was
eight and then again when I was twelve, each for about two months. Despite this
fact, being raised by my dad, I know that my paternal grandparents were
absolutely incredible people for raising the man I call my father. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">He is my dad, father, friend, one of the greatest role
models, and strongest man in my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I have
been told that what I want in my ideal husband and the man I want to spend the
rest of my life and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jannah</i>, heaven, is
too high, even unreachable. Can you blame me? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I asked each of my siblings, <span style="color: blue;">“In one sentence or brief statement, how would you describe
baba to a stranger or how would you describe your relationship with him?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Bilal (brother, 22 years old): <span style="color: #3366ff;">“My father is so loved by people that meet him that even
my friends who have only met him once or twice ask me how he’s doing whenever
he’s brought up. He has the biggest heart imaginable and his warmth encompasses
more than just friends and family but everyone he comes in contact with.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Batoul (sister, 17 years old): <span style="color: #3366ff;">“Baba is a comedic character with a young soul and a big
heart.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Bara’ah (sister, 12 years old): <span style="color: #3366ff;">“My dad is a hardworking and dedicated to what he does.
He is caring, loving, helpful, and always stays positive. I love him with all
my heart! We are very close. (:”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
[I
included their ages to signify the different stages they are in life.]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
What I
have written about my father will never come close to describing how I see him
or who he really is, but I felt the need to at least try. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">What I’ve been
trying to write all along is, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Baba, I
love you! </b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah swt</i> give me the opportunity to make you proud and gain your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dua’</i> and blessings, always. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Quran, Surah Ibrahim, 14:41</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">رَبَّنَا</span>
</b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">اغْفِرْ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">لِي</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">وَلِوَالِدَيَّ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ</span>
</b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">يَوْمَ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">يَقُومُ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">الْحِسَابُ</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Rab-ba-nagh-fir lii wa
li-waa-li-day-ya walil-Mu’mi-niina Yawma yaquu-mul-Hisaab!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i>41.Grant Thy forgiveness unto me,
and my parents, and all the believers, on the Day on which the (last) reckoning
will come to pass!”</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Quran, Surah Al-Isra’, 17:24</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">وَاخْفِضْ</span>
</b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">لَهُمَا</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">جَنَاحَ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">الذُّلِّ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">مِنَ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">الرَّحْمَةِ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">وَقُل</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">رَّبِّ</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">ارْحَمْهُمَا</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">كَمَا</span> </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">رَبَّيَانِي</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">صَغِيرًا</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Wakh-fiz la-humaa janaa-haz-zul-li
minar-rahmati wa qur-Rab-bir-ham-humaa kamaa rab-ba-yaanii saghiiraa.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>24. And make yourself submissively
gentle to them with compassion, and say: “O my Lord! have compassion on them,
as they brought me up (when I was) a child.”</i><o:p></o:p><br />
<i><br /></i>
WaSalaam,<br />
Hanoon</div>
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<br /></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-1616831695888494532014-02-13T19:16:00.000-08:002014-02-18T14:11:10.685-08:00Zaatar & Labne Time! (Aka Middle Eastern Peanut Butter Jelly Time!<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">“Haneen?” My friend stares at my
lunch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Yea?” I respond between bites. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Umm, what are you eating?” The look
on her face tells me she’s both intrigued and slightly worried.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I look down at the pita bread wrap in
my hands. The paper towel holding it together is soaked with virgin olive oil
and the green stuff my friend is probably questioning. My mom had made me a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar wa zeit</i> pita wrap. Other days,
it’s a pita bread with a smooth white layer of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Labne</i>. My favorite pita bread sandwich is a mix of both, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Labne</i> sprinkled with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> on top and little olive oil to
hold it all together. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Oh, umm,” my young brain begins to
panic. I have gotten the same questions and disgusted or worried looks about my
lunches ever since kindergarten. Senior year of high school and I still
struggle to answer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Why is it green?” Now she’s just
completely worried. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Oh, well, it’s virgin olive oil and
this herb called… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i>.” I try to
explain, completely failing to remember what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> is called in English. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“So, you eat herb sandwiches?” She’s
now more confused than ever. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Well, herbs and spices are really
important ingredients of all food in the Middle East.” She’s still staring at
my sandwich. “It’s really good. I swear.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
“Okay, I’ll take your word for it.” We
continue eating in silence until I finish my pita wrap and get to my cut up
fruit and water. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Years later, I laugh every time I
think of how I used to explain to my friends that they didn’t need to worry
because I ate herbs and other cheeses for lunch every day. If you’re Middle
Eastern, you’re probably laughing along with me. If you’re not, you’re still
trying to decipher what on earth I could have been eating for lunch that was
green and drenched in virgin olive oil.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Zaatar</i>
is a mixture of ground dried thyme and toasted sesame seeds. Thyme is technically considered a culinary herb that comes from the
plant called thymus. Thyme has been used since the days of Ancient Egypt. Thyme
has many uses but predominately has culinary uses. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Zaatar</i> has been known to strengthen a person’s memory. Every since
I was a child, my mom would make me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zeit</i> sandwiches for breakfast on
exam days. I still eat <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> when I
need to focus before a long day or work, studying, or writing.<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Zeit zaytoon</i> is olive oil, usually just
referred to as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zeit</i>.<br />
<i style="text-indent: 0in;">Labne</i><span style="text-indent: 0in;">
is kefir cheese.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Trust me when I tell you that there’s
nothing more delicious than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">manakeesh
zaatar</i> for breakfast or lunch! <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Manakeesh
zaatar</i> is basically toasted pita bread with a beautifully slathered layer
of virgin olive oil and organic thyme. My family has fresh <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> shipped by my father’s brothers from Jericho, Palestine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’ve learned to cook like my
grandmother and mother, which means I don’t do measurements. [In reality, I
can’t cook any Middle Eastern dishes to save my life, unless it’s breakfast.]
To make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">manakeesh zaatar</i>, you need
pita bread, virgin olive oil, thyme, a small bowl, foil, and some type of oven.
Simple, right? Lay the pita bread on foil. I like to mix the olive oil and a
tablespoon of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> in a separate
bowl before I pour it onto the pita bread. Place in the oven. Keep it in there
until you see the edges turn crispy, giving it that slight crunch. Take it out
and enjoy like a round pizza. When I’m on the run, I leave the pita bread
slightly soft so I can just roll it up, wrap it with foil, and take it with me.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Personally, I love sprinkling <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Labne</i> cheese after I’ve topped the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Labne</i> with olive oil. Dipping pita bread into this mix or spreading
it onto the pita bread to take with me when I’m running out of the house, with
a side of olives, is the delicious breakfast or lunch. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Growing up in a Middle Eastern
household, I took different and “unique” lunches to school. Despite being made
fun of for not having the usual peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I loved what
my mom packed for me. Peanut butter did not exist in our house. Actually, I
couldn’t stand peanut butter at all. My brother was the only one in the family
who liked it, so it was rare to find a jar at home. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The first peanut butter and jelly
sandwich I ever ate was during my last year of college. GASP! I’m completely
serious. It took me over twenty-one years to experience this American food
staple. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
During my fourth year at UCSD, my
brother was self-training himself with P90X. A different array of healthy foods
filled our house, including organic peanut butter. One time while I was running
late to get back to campus I made myself a quick peanut butter and jelly
sandwich. It was my first and last one until moving back home for the summer
after graduation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I remember being asked by my brother
to pick up a jar of his preferred organic peanut butter one day and being
shocked by the price. “Healthy food is expensive, Haneen. This is the best.” He
explained to me. I knew he was right. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
During my time as an MFA student, I
would begin to make myself a peanut butter and banana sandwich or dip celery (a
vegetable I had always stayed away from and couldn’t get myself to swallow
alone) in peanut butter almost every other morning. I always drizzled honey and
cinnamon on top of the peanut butter to give it a taste I loved. It was a quick
and healthy breakfast to get my brain pumped for writing. I still couldn’t
stand anything peanut butter flavored and I felt like I was forcing myself to swallow
the PB sandwiches. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I have never been a breakfast person,
but simple coffee and water was not cutting it anymore. I needed to get out of
my former college breakfast phase. I needed real food and I kept getting an
earful from family for not eating in the morning. It was never on purpose. I
just never had an appetite in the morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I stopped being able to stomach food
in the morning sometime in elementary school. I would start my mornings with a
large glass of deliciously cold milk. [I LOVE milk, which is unfortunate for
someone who needs to still learn to restrain herself from dairy because of
migraines. That’s for another story.] I remember being forced to take some type
of Middle Eastern biscuit or tea cookies because I always shoved the sandwich
my mom would make me in my lunch bag. My mom stopped making me a sandwich for
breakfast and just left me with one for lunch because I could never eat more
than one a day. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
So, during graduate school, my
brother’s preferred expensive organic peanut butter was the best option I had.
For lunch, I preferred something out of a traditional Middle Eastern breakfast.
It was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Labne</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> or just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zaatar</i> and
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">zeit zaytoon</i> pita bread wraps for me.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Looking back on my years in elementary
school and middle school, being the only kid to take non-traditional American
lunches to school was a recipe for taunting. Despite being a very shy and
introverted kid, I stood up for my food choices and even shared my lunch with
close friends, which they came to love. It sure wasn’t easy defending what
others viewed as “weird” foods. By high school, I couldn’t care less and found
sarcastic ways to respond to peers who tried to make fun of my lunch. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My food was viewed as exotic but
exotic back then wasn’t always “cool” unless it was a food that everyone knew,
like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kabobs</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hummus</i>. Ironically, I don’t like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kabob</i> or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hummus</i>. I prefer
other types of Middle Eastern salad spreads, specifically <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kussa bi labn</i> – the insides of Middle Eastern squash mixed with
yogurt and spices – and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">immtable
beitinjaan</i> – otherwise known as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">baba
ghanoush</i>, which is actually eggplant mixed with yogurt and spices. My mom
makes everything from scratch, even the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hummus</i>,
which makes everything so much more delicious! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Years later, my little sister takes
her lunch to school with pride. She even takes Tupperwares full of leftovers,
something I never could see myself doing. Her friends are usually jealous of
her lunch options. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As for peanut butter, I have found the
perfect way to enjoy this American delicacy. I make my own organic peanut
butter from scratch! It’s incredibly delicious! </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv4Nz29WVSDASNw_rY8V6nvsvApIqO7ca8yqfu9CdqKWioL3ifghOBzq2S0srYTB0EOPktdCp0nnpRtlBdarOKblcvJPsLsLoKamlQ2X74782E5n3cintUe0zMSwyMNqknid8jJv0O9NA/s1600/IMG_7532.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv4Nz29WVSDASNw_rY8V6nvsvApIqO7ca8yqfu9CdqKWioL3ifghOBzq2S0srYTB0EOPktdCp0nnpRtlBdarOKblcvJPsLsLoKamlQ2X74782E5n3cintUe0zMSwyMNqknid8jJv0O9NA/s1600/IMG_7532.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I would be more humble about
this, but the fact that both my parents who can’t stand peanut butter, despite
having tried it maybe once, love it makes it hard to be! My dad has started
making a peanut butter and preserves sandwich for breakfast every morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I have my own “secret ingredients”
recipe that I have yet to share with anyone but my sisters, who watch me every
time I make it. Last week, I spent about five hours total – from start, rest,
and finish – turning a little over 8 pounds of peanuts into over 7 12oz jars. I
was away for the weekend and came home Monday to find that I need to make more
this week. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My family now has a newfound love for
peanut butter and I’m spreading the love to my family and friends. YUM! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
WaSalaam, </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Hanoon</div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-6686431767558259582014-01-30T20:25:00.001-08:002014-02-12T17:45:55.563-08:00Where Are You REALLY From?<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">San Diego. Born and raised. Yearning
to one day experience living in other areas of the world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
But, seriously, <span style="color: red;">where are you REALLY from</span>? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I
absolutely LOATHE this question when it comes from someone who has no purpose
for asking other than to justify their notion that you’re definitely not from
“around here”, also known as not looking “American”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Story of my life. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The idea
for this blog post came from the following experience this past Tuesday night… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I stared
intently at my computer screen, fingers tapping away. I bobbed my head ever so
slightly to the low music playing smoothly through my headphones that sat
hidden underneath my black hijab adorned with gold leafs. The white wire
visibly snaking its way from the sides of my hijab, down the front of my human-blood
red colored shirt, and connecting to my iPhone. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The door
to Peet’s Coffee and Tea in La Jolla opened to let in a costumer and blasted
cold air into the shop. I shivered slightly and looked out the large window I
was facing. I hadn’t thought to grab a jacket before leaving the house. Everyone
else in La Jolla remembered the moody La Jolla weather and carried or wore a
jacket or sweater at night when the fog swooped in at sunset. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Suddenly,
a girl sat next me, leaving only inches of space between us. I looked up and
arched my left eyebrow in her decision. There was easily space for four chairs
to sit next to me, and yet she had decided to pull one up close enough to check
out every detail on my laptop screen. I turned my body slightly, facing her in
the process, so I was able to angle my laptop away from her view of sight. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Before
getting back to my work, I noticed she was shivering and constantly fidgeting.
I noted her thin, long-sleeved shirt,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a
barely there skirt, and Ugg boots, of course. As I returned to my typing and
head bobbing, she opened a textbook and, what I believe to be, a notebook to
complete her homework. As she got up to grab a cup of coffee, I lost myself in
my work again, only being distracted by the insistent fidgeting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
After
half an hour, I took a break to sip my cold coffee. I noticed she hadn't touched her work. She was staring at my reflection in the window. She quickly leaned in, startling
me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“Excuse me?”</span> She retorted loudly in a thick accent
I couldn’t place. It came out as a question.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“I’m sorry, what?”</span> I looked directly at her, thinking
she thought I had spoken to her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“What?”</span> She asked again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Now I was
thoroughly confused and irritated. Personally when someone has headphones on,
working intently on a computer screen or perhaps studying, I take that as a
signal to NOT speak to them. They want to be alone. I took out my right
earphone and stared at her, putting the conversation ball in her court. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“Where are you from?”</span> She enunciated her words, as
if throwing them at me, her thick accent filling up the space. I couldn’t tell
if the reason she was speaking slowly was for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I
controlled my facial expressions so as not to show how much I hated that
question, when in a situation where that question was not relevant or
appropriate. I assumed she was asking for one of three reasons: 1. she was
curious and had been trying to validate what country she thought I was from; 2.
she thought we may have been from the same region and wanted to tell me this;
and worst case scenario, in which I was in no mood for, 3. she was about to
start a discussion with me. From experience, telling people my heritage is
Palestinian illicit either positive or negative responses, not in between. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“San Diego.” </span>I smiled. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“What!?”</span> I was taken back by her angry response. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“I’m from San Diego.”</span> I inched my body away from her
reach. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“No, really.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Yes. Really.”</span> I held back the sarcasm, still unsure
by her motive. My reaction was jilted by her angry tone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“No. Where are you REALLY from?”</span> She leaned
forward, too close to my personal bubble of space. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I always
found it incredibly ridiculous that someone would ask me where I’m from and
then when my answer didn’t suit their views, have the audacity to insist I was
wrong. Umm, what??! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This
time, I didn’t hide my irritation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“I was born. And raised. In. San. Diego.”</span> This time,
I leaned forward waiting for her next move. She let out an audible sigh. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“Not here. You know. From where?”</span> I noticed her
eyes were slowing turning into slits. Why was she the one who was angry??<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I was now
aware that we had a little audience of listeners. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Are you referring to my heritage?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“What?”</span> She chuckled. It was my turn to hold back
a large sigh. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<!--EndFragment--><span style="color: blue; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">“I’m from San Diego, but my parents are
Palestinian.”</span> She let a high pitched laugh startling everyone around us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I should
have been angry, but I couldn’t get the smirk off my face. It was all I could
do from reply, “Are you freaking kidding me??”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“What.”</span> This time it wasn’t a question. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I cocked
my head to the side and leaned forward, <span style="color: blue;">“I. Am.
Palestinian.”</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
She
stopped laughing as quickly as she had begun. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #ff6600;">“Oh. Uh, huh.”</span> I watched as a mix of confusion and
what I recognized as fear spread across her face. We made direct eye contact
before she turned away, picked up her phone, and began typing furiously. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I looked
behind me to find a table of two girls around my age and a guy who was studying
looking at her with confusion. I considered asking her why she had asked me,
but I decided against it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
It was an
uncomfortable rest of the time I sat there at the coffee shop, mainly because
every time I looked up, I saw her staring at the window, taking glances at my
reflection. Every time I caught her looking, I smiled. She looked down and
fidgeted in her seat. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Let me
make something clear, I get the “<span style="color: red;">where are you REALLY
from?</span>” question regularly. The situation varies from normal to bizarre
and uncomfortable. I might be taking a walk, out running errands, standing at a
coffee cart, or in line to buy something. I’m always minding my own business
when the questions comes out of nowhere. Sometimes, I’m sending a text and
someone will come up to me directly and say, “So, <span style="color: red;">where are you from?</span>” as if we
had been having a conversation the entire time I was standing there. It takes
me a few blinks to realize they’re not going away until they get the answer
that they want, and it’s never the one they want to hear.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My
reactions are usually very consistent. I can slightly understand if the person
who asks is desperately trying to start a conversation. I’ve been told this is
because I<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“look interesting” and people
will try to start a conversation in any way possible just to hear me respond,
either because they have never met or spoken to a Muslim, or it’s because they
actually just want to hear me speak. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I know
friends who are highly offended by this, and I can understand. It’s an
uncomfortable situation to be in, but this question doesn’t just come from me
wearing a hijab. Simply looking “different” these days can generate the “<span style="color: red;">where are you REALLY from?</span>” question. When someone
asks this question, it tells me one thing. You are quite certain I’m a
“foreigner”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I am
going to be straight forward. If you really want to know someone’s background,
even if you think you may share the same heritage, culture, etc., there is a
respectful way to ask. This is true 100% of time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The
interaction I had in the coffee shop with this girl was highly disrespectful.
Regardless of her reasoning, whether it’s because we disagree religiously,
culturally, politically, or perhaps socially, there is absolutely no reason at
all for to be inconsiderate and just straight up rude. Have a little respect
and decency to not look so shocked when I tell you with my flawless Southern
California, English accent that yes, I was born and raised in this country. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Yes, more
times than I should, I have also gotten, “<span style="color: #660066;">your
English is so good!</span>” Why, thank you. Yes, yes it is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I
personally don’t mind being asked about my background because I love chatting
with people, but only if done so respectfully. Not everyone agrees with me. In
fact, the majority of my friends disagree with me, especially when they are just
grabbing coffee as they rush to work or when they’re studying. I understand. I
felt the same way on Tuesday. It was bad timing and really bad phrasing of the
question. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
If you
are going to ask, if you’re legitimately curious or trying to validate the
guilt you’re having for asking yourself if I do or do not speak English, find a
way to start up a conversation with me. I have people wait until after I order,
sometimes I visibly see their faces relax after they hear me chatting with the
barista and asking how his or her day has been, to strike up a conversation. As
offended as I am by this, I heave learned to let this go in hopes that the
stereotype they have will be replaced by new education. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
“You
ordered a caramel flan latte? I did, too. Have you had it before?” a woman once asked me. Smooth. Be
nice and I’ll be happy to tell you I’m from San Diego, but proud my parents
immigrated from overseas. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
DO NOT under
any circumstance be shocked and then proceed to ask, “No, but <span style="color: red;">where are you REALLY from?</span>” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Don’t ask
me, “<span style="color: red;">where are you from?</span>” at all. Ask me about
my heritage or perhaps where my ancestors are from. Asking about my culture is
just as vague. I was born and raised here. My culture is just as American as
any of my friends who were born here, too. Yes, my parents have tried to
instill the Palestinian culture into the lives of my siblings and I, but just like
my English is more fluent than my Arabic, I’m your average SoCal girl who has a
vocabulary filled with “totally,” “awesome,” and “DUUUDE!” when chatting informally with family and friends.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I also
don’t appreciate the awkward “OMG, I can totally relate” extension to the
conversation through comments like:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Middle Eastern?
I love hummus!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">I can’t stand hummus. <b>GASP</b> I know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">There’s this
great little kabob place near my house, it’s like being back there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">I actually don’t eat meat. I’m more of a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">warak dawali</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mansaaf</i> kind of girl.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">I love baklava!
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Sorry, not a fan. I’m a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">knafeh</i>
lover!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Say something
in Arab. I love the language!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Do you mean Arabic? What dialect do you want to hear?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">I love your
culture!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">What part and from which country?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;">Belly dancing
and your clothing is beautiful! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Oh, no. Write down <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">DABKE</i>
and look it up, okay? And while you’re at it, Google Palestinian <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thobe</i>. That’s only one beautiful way of
cultural dress from the numerous other gorgeous styles across the Middle East! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
There are
about thirty-five countries that are considered to be a part of the Middle
East. While Arabic is the common language, the dialect differs greatly and is
highly distinct in every single country, and even city, that you visit.
Stereotyping to look like you're culturally aware never gets you anywhere. Instead
of trying to relate or make assumptions about my culture, I prefer you ask me a
question so I know you’re actually trying to learn something. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My
favorite part of these conversations are when I ask the same person back, <span style="color: blue;">“so, where are you from?”</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
They
respond, <span style="color: #943634; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">“here.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“I mean what country did your ancestors come from before
coming to the United States?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This is
usually met with confusion, frustration, or just a simple, <span style="color: #943634; mso-themecolor: accent2; mso-themeshade: 191;">“I actually
don’t know. I’m just American.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Interesting. I believe the Native Americans might disagree
with you.”</span> I laugh to make light of the situation…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This really
should come as no surprise, but unless you have any Native American ancestry in
your blood, you are not from “here.” Your ancestors came over to this country just like every single non-Native American person to escape harsh conditions, build a
better life for yourself and family, or possibly just gain the freedoms and
rights this country is known for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The
reality is that we are all American, unified by our history of having had family
come over to this land to live in a country where being different is okay and
it is possible to live together, as one. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Believe
it or not, the following video pretty much portrays the story of my life. Yes, I have
used the, “wait, so you’re Native American” response to the confident
statement, “I’m from here. I’m American.” I don’t believe I’m the only one who
did this long before this video came out. Her response is an over exaggeration,
but be honest with yourselves. How many of you have wanted to throw out a few
stereotypes to counter the person who’s telling you how much they love your
culture by throwing out all the stereotypes?! Haha! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ</a>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Here’s to
being more respectful while learning from each other! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">So, where are each of you REALLY from? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Salaam, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Hanoon<o:p></o:p></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-15155088893983344122014-01-16T20:39:00.000-08:002014-01-16T23:04:14.269-08:00Qana’ah (Satisfaction) <div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">Salaam everyone!</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’ve spent the last two weeks trying
to sort out all the thoughts that have been attacking my writer-self. I spent an
over excessive amount of time worrying that these thoughts are the main reason
that I haven’t been able to write anything that I considered of substance since
the beginning of the new year. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Needless to mention, I woke up early
yesterday with a pounding headache and enough worries to make me feel like
this:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-2x16VSXwmtcfhiId50I3hIsq1vcFyCbTkU51ANORJHQpqZ5BtLcr1PCBFBfJV3TsLZ-qDyHm9zdb9wEGirpodeWADgvor5rG8PhsezPJ2w-MR9GLpfRZPhSILs116sqTaywABdZUVJM/s1600/IMG_6886.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-2x16VSXwmtcfhiId50I3hIsq1vcFyCbTkU51ANORJHQpqZ5BtLcr1PCBFBfJV3TsLZ-qDyHm9zdb9wEGirpodeWADgvor5rG8PhsezPJ2w-MR9GLpfRZPhSILs116sqTaywABdZUVJM/s1600/IMG_6886.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">I was home alone with a never-ending
list of priorities and just didn’t want to get out of bed. Outside, it was a
gorgeous San Diego day, straight out of a travel brochure, and I couldn’t get myself to get up and enjoy it. I felt like I was suffocating. I could feel the
walls of my room caving in and the cool sheets of my bed wrapping themselves
around my legs and waist. I was snapped out of it with a text from my younger
brother, who was on his lunch break.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Upon asking how I was doing that
morning, I complained that it was a beautiful day, but I felt guilty taking
advantage of it when I hadn’t been writing consistently. I needed an outlet to
vent and I couldn’t think of anyone better than my little brother to hear me
through my sulking. I knew he would turn me right around. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
[Warning: grammatically incorrect
text-style dialogue ahead.]<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
After telling me I needed to put my
tawakul in Allah and force myself to get better sleep, he added, <span style="color: green;">“Take breaks frequently like doing something spontaneous
like when you would go to Coronado.”</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
He was good, throwing my own words
back at me. I needed to escape somewhere to relax that wasn’t indoors, like a
coffee shop with nothing but my computer and coffee as company. I preach it on
my blog, but just wasn’t feeling it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I sighed and replied back,<span style="color: #3366ff;"> “I’m sitting here worrying about not having another blog
post tomorrow… I was planning on doing something spontaneous and writing
somewhere new, but picking up sis from school got in the way of it today.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The moment I sent that text, I caught
my mistake. Did you? Saying I was “planning on doing something spontaneous”,
specifically using the word “planning”, is the exact opposite of spontaneity.
My OCD perfectionist nature was getting in the way of my writing again and need
to just… chillax. <span style="color: #3366ff;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My brother let that go, <span style="color: green;">“I have an idea for your blog post tomorrow.. Try a
negative post. Like talk about how you’ve been feeling and stressing and not
sleeping…” </span><span style="color: #3366ff;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Stress and anxiety are relatable
topics, but I instantly countered him, <span style="color: #3366ff;">“I thought
about it, but that would be a really bad idea… I only let a little slip
through, but surround it with positive vibes. Like the post on life and death I
did.”</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I tumbled out of bed,<span style="color: #3366ff;"> “Ok, I’m finished venting. I’m going to go make coffee
and pray.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
There’s an excessive amount of
negativity that surrounds us on a daily basis, and I hate bringing it into my
writing and especially my blogging. I use my personal writing and this blog to alleviate
stress. This is my place to breathe. Negativity is a part of human nature, but
I don’t believe that I have the right to drop my negativity on others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I decided to get dressed and run a few
errands. While running around, I took a quick coffee break and actually sat
down. You don’t believe me? Here’s proof! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvnErIGw3f3EGLsBSondvhZ5HcLfn_boBYTfzlgT9RbFdfx0iQ1I9xRDHzSvynT97rPpqGqYsXzt8BmYuTLzo7R9CZQ2k7A-3MN1tuEtHEclXQcyy9kM00BYSMUI29eKzN3Cwk_9Qa9xU/s1600/IMG_6894.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvnErIGw3f3EGLsBSondvhZ5HcLfn_boBYTfzlgT9RbFdfx0iQ1I9xRDHzSvynT97rPpqGqYsXzt8BmYuTLzo7R9CZQ2k7A-3MN1tuEtHEclXQcyy9kM00BYSMUI29eKzN3Cwk_9Qa9xU/s1600/IMG_6894.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I tried something new and asked the
barista if she could combine two of their new drinks for me to make an iced
caramel and vanilla bean latte topped with foam and caramel. I’m not a coffee
shop food person, but that jalapeño cheese stuffed croissant was calling my
name. Yes, all this tasted as delicious as it looked. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Yes, I did feel silly taking a picture
of this, but hey, I can pretend to be a cool young person, right? Right?! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Even
though I was out taking care of a few things, I was still alone with my loud
thoughts. My brother’s idea of addressing negativity kept swimming in between
them. As I tried sorting through it all, I realized that all my thoughts these
past two weeks brought me back to one word I have noticed everyone dealing
with. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Qana’ah</b>, which from Arabic translates
to the act of having satisfaction with what we have. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This is
not to be mistaken with just settling and giving up on striving to achieve our
goals and dreams! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
As human
beings, we are NEVER satisfied with what we have been blessed with and
constantly look to what others have that we don’t. We used to deal with this
more if we were surrounded with people who bragged of what they had often or,
quite the opposite, complained insistently of what their life lacked. Now, we
have the internet and social media that has taken their place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I know
all of you have seen those endless articles and “studies” on how Facebook and
other social media sites lead to our unhappiness and depression. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alhamdulillah</i>, I don’t have anything
other than Facebook, but I can understand where these articles are coming from…
to an extent. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Even if
you argue that you don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other means of
mass sharing information to the world that I am unaware of, you have the
internet with a variety of articles on how we “should” and “need” to live our
lives. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
They
usually go a little like this, but I may have SLIGHTLY changed the titles:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">EAT THIS AND
BE THE HEALTHIEST PERSON TO EVER LIVE! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">OMG! THIS
RARE AND SUPER EXPENSIVE VEGATABLE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">FEELING
FAT AND OBTUSE TODAY? LOSE WEIGHT NOW! THINK YOU DON’T NEED IT? HAHA! YOU. ARE.
WRONG! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">WANT TO
LOVE YOUR BODY FOR HOW IT IS? GET BEYONCÉ’S THIGHS AND KIM KARDASHIAN’S BUTT
NOW! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">GET THIS
SUPER COOL AND HIP LOOK THAT WILL ONLY COST HALF A MONTH’S PAYCHECK AND FEEL
LIKE A CELEBRITY!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: orange;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: orange;">CHOOSE THESE MONEY-MAKING CAREERS AND YOU WILL SURELY SUCCEED IN LIFE!</span><br />
[Don't worry, we'll give you the exact option to make the decision to choose a major and degree you will suffer through in belief that a plethora of jobs await you the moment you graduate!]</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">YOU MUST
MARRY YOUNG TO GAIN ULTIMATE HAPPINESS!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
[Oh, you
didn’t have control over this and aren’t considered young anymore?]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">HAVING
CHILDREN IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
[Can’t
have kids?]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">FOLLOW
THESE EXACT STEPS TO BEING ALONE!</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
[Happiness
not guaranteed.]</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4M94xGApolVB151JMQxf5Xqa0Tdj5Vh0fkLIQqp-2CP3vs-gIEkaPDEMXJw6JjECmBEWKwo6p43-d-Rc_qxEq932n7TqNZLF0EU5aZSgKzeEUNsmJ18iyg0lzbOXJ0ssVysbippYkeU/s1600/IMG_6855.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD4M94xGApolVB151JMQxf5Xqa0Tdj5Vh0fkLIQqp-2CP3vs-gIEkaPDEMXJw6JjECmBEWKwo6p43-d-Rc_qxEq932n7TqNZLF0EU5aZSgKzeEUNsmJ18iyg0lzbOXJ0ssVysbippYkeU/s1600/IMG_6855.JPG" height="183" width="200" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
My
ultimate favorite articles to hate are the lists that tell me how to live my
life at every age. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: orange;">20 THINGS
YOU MUST DO IN YOUR TWENTIES! </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Reaction:
Hold up, let me go pluck a couple hundred thousand dollars off my money trees… Be
right back! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
What’s
worse are the ways in which we share those articles and comment on them. With a
lack of interaction in person, anything and everything can be taken negatively
through forms of online communication. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Be honest
with yourself, how depressed do you feel after these articles? Why do we even
read them? Who are these people that apparently have all the ingredients to
living life the “right” way? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I said I understand
these articles to an extent, because I believe we have the power to take what
we want from them and leave the rest behind. This is a tricky thing to do, I
know. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
When it
comes to Facebook or any social media site where we stay in touch with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>family, friends, and acquaintances, I compare
it to how I view the film adaptations of books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyX4XO0cHMrmwVmVdLLT7JNTnaC3gG9xzTPASxnhvCPHO73RW9qniyIKnVxQytDghWRe0H4RdTcf-EEr_MYsWSF1u3l8FFdGsuCHlR_DpjFAOTZowtOv3J1a_uy6UZ7l31Uy3wG56IcTc/s1600/IMG_6898.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyX4XO0cHMrmwVmVdLLT7JNTnaC3gG9xzTPASxnhvCPHO73RW9qniyIKnVxQytDghWRe0H4RdTcf-EEr_MYsWSF1u3l8FFdGsuCHlR_DpjFAOTZowtOv3J1a_uy6UZ7l31Uy3wG56IcTc/s1600/IMG_6898.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If you think about it clearly,
Facebook is the movie version of the book we call our life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">SubhanaAllah</i>,
unless our friends are explicitly complaining or airing their every detail of
their lives to us, we tend to quickly compare our life to theirs and always
sell ourselves short. The reality is that we don’t know how others are
struggling. I surely don’t post anything on social media. When I do, it’s
extremely rare and always something that gives off good vibes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
For all we know, the person on the
other end of the wonderful status or picture we see could really be this:</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymPTs4UkGwfJVYaFCWctPMB1gPTaF8vQ-c-3b7YKgdZI_TX_hGpNxvFVu15wHR9P5MqewEPhJOBDcsFsXzaIogY4I5HjecvPUePALLkcrws9UxqfAKu77mcKy7mP-fixqMPIIGDkVJ4s/s1600/IMG_6706.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgymPTs4UkGwfJVYaFCWctPMB1gPTaF8vQ-c-3b7YKgdZI_TX_hGpNxvFVu15wHR9P5MqewEPhJOBDcsFsXzaIogY4I5HjecvPUePALLkcrws9UxqfAKu77mcKy7mP-fixqMPIIGDkVJ4s/s1600/IMG_6706.JPG" height="320" width="256" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Obviously, I’m exaggerating. I still
support the fact that sometimes the thought of something is better than the
reality. Hey, this is why I escape into my books and choose writing,
particularly fiction, as my solace. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
That being said, if I have ever taken
anything from any of those articles telling me how to achieve happiness, it’s
to never compare myself to others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“Comparison is
the thief of joy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Theodore
Roosevelt <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I wrote this in my previous post, but
I believe it needs to be re-stated. It’s easy to compare our happiness with
others based on the narrow view that they give us of their lives. So easy to
feel a sense of jealousy for what we don’t have and forget all that we do have.
The successful person is able to step back from what they think they want and
actually look at how much they already have. Recognize your blessings and stop
worrying about what you don’t have control over. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Comparing your life to someone else’s
life, even if you think you know everything about this person, say it’s your
identical twin, is just another chain holding you back from living your life to
the fullest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“Life is what
happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Allen Saunders<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I don’t believe that there is a
concrete definition for happiness. Feeling content, satisfied, accomplished,
and overall blessed comes from our own view on life and how we want to live it.
It’s in our hands to reach that level of peace and serenity in our hearts. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“The moment
you change your perception, is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your
body.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Dr. Bruce
Lipton<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Reaching the level of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">qana’ah</b>, satisfaction, is in our
control. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If you love lists like I do and have
been searching for the PERFECT list on how to live your life well, I would
suggest this one. The lifestyle of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
provides the perfect list for me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjji2nCI52ywlSHnreDGZIAwxlQ-wUabi2gIrhsBPUv_D_5dHPzKipfDLgKgakdkvMrJs4LcpDSt1HE99u-ayi-rXuu3iGMDivQoPS2dI2CAcR_mLkFZOd3Eo0Ztq_7BOmjYJnZ9-Lygy0/s1600/Prophet+lifestyle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjji2nCI52ywlSHnreDGZIAwxlQ-wUabi2gIrhsBPUv_D_5dHPzKipfDLgKgakdkvMrJs4LcpDSt1HE99u-ayi-rXuu3iGMDivQoPS2dI2CAcR_mLkFZOd3Eo0Ztq_7BOmjYJnZ9-Lygy0/s1600/Prophet+lifestyle.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
May Allah swt allow us to reach a
level of qana’ah that allows us to appreciate every blessing that has been
given to us, while also being inspired to achieve greatness. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’m off to rest and wish you all a
good night’s sleep! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Tusbahu ala kheir! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
(May you wake up in a state of
goodness/happiness!)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Hanoon<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-722881760822167252014-01-02T22:02:00.005-08:002014-01-03T23:57:51.342-08:00New Year? Bring. It. On.<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">Salaam lovely readers!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Keef halkum? Izayakum? Comment
allez-vous tous?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
How are you all?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I can’t believe it has been six weeks
since we last chatted! Well, at least since I last had this one way
conversation with you all, haha! I truly hope that you have all been having a
wonderful winter and holiday season wherever you are in the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
While I was unable to write in
December due to my health, I turned my focus to family. I took the time to be
cozy at home, drink lots of tea, read, catch up with extended family and
cousins, and just enjoy the bit of cold weather that blew through San Diego. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It’s truly incredible how time just
moves at a pace that we don’t always acknowledge. <b>Blink</b> We’re welcoming
in a new year. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I have never found the new year and
all its celebrations to be anything special. I don’t make resolutions or set
goals for myself come January 1<sup>st</sup>. It’s because I try to live by the
following words on a daily basis:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">“Live in
this world as if you were going to live forever; prepare for the next world
(Hereafter) as if you were going to die tomorrow.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Prophet
Muhammad, peace be upon him <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
To be honest, I consider my birthday
to be my new year. One more year that I have been blessed to be alive. One more
year that I have succeeded in getting through difficult times and salvaging
some of my sanity. I remember writing in one of my previous posts that I prefer
to set goals for myself on my birthday. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This year is different. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
2013 brought changes that I have not
experienced or dealt with in years. The amount of, for lack of better words,
challenges that the past year hurled at me was incomparable to any other year
of my life. While I did hit many milestones, such as completing my first novel
and sending it out into the world as well as graduating with my MFA (which may
or may not be the last degree I decide to attain), I also dealt with
devastating news and obstacles in 2013 that I look forward to leaving behind. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Hardships
often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">C.S. Lewis<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The reality is that while I hated
being in certain situations the past year, I considered them to be a blessing
from God. Everything I went through forced me to re-evaluate my life through
new lenses and come out a changed person. I full-heartedly believe that
everything happens for a reason. Everything that happens in our life is put
there to strengthen us and bring us better understanding on how to change
ourselves and our lives for the better. There’s nothing stronger than having
faith that everything bad will and does pass. Just as the sun will surely rise
in the morning and the moon will come out to bring us light in the darkness of
night, good does exist. Having that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">tawakul</i>,
trust, in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah swt</i> brings me through
every day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: green; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps
you love a thing and it is bad for you, and Allah knows while you know not.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="color: green; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Qur'an, Surat
Al-Baqarah, Verse 216</span><!--EndFragment-->
</div>
<span style="color: green; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Remember how much I love making lists?
I decided to make a list of goals, aspirations, dreams, and whatever else you
want to call them for this new year and years to come, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">inshaAllah</i>. These are my personal promises to myself – from
strengthening my religious faith to basically everything else I prioritize in my
life – and I welcome anyone to take. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This new year and my future will no
doubt bring me memories to cherish, adventures to take, and demons to battle. I
say, BRING IT ON! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b>Waves to ride (because life is a series
of long waves to surf through):</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Find a blessing that has
been given to me, daily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Every
single day that I wake up breathing, in a warm bed, with a roof over my head
and four walls, food in the kitchen, and a family I sometimes take for granted
is a day that I have been immensely blessed. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">AlhamduliAllah. AlhamduliAllah. AlhamduliAllah!</i> (Yes, I’m all about
that three for Sunnah life. ;])<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Read or listen to Quran
daily. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The words
of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah swt</i> brings the most ultimate
form of peace and serenity <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to my heart.
I rely too often on just the recitations I make during prayer to be my daily
dosage of Quran. I admit to myself that this is one of the lowest forms of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">imaan</i>, faith. I regret every day that I
skip picking up the Quran, even if just for a minute to push away any sadness
I’ve experienced during the day.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">“The Quran
is unique because it's not a story, it's not a narrative. If you pick it up and
try to read it like a novel, it's not going to happen, because it's a guidance,
it's a communication, it's God talking to you.”</span><br />
<span style="color: green; text-indent: 0in;">Anonymous</span></div>
<br />
Find your state of peace and motivation to
constantly rejuvenate your heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Practice the importance
of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Salaat</i> on time! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">AlhamduliAllah</i>, I’m not one to miss
prayer and I go great lengths to pray on time. I know it can be easy to choose
to combine prayers or tell yourself, “I’ll pray when I get home. God is
merciful,” just because you’re out or don’t want to make ablution, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wudu</i>. I’ve fallen into the same trap,
all too easily. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Honestly,
no excuse is worth missing prayer. More than that, there’s no excuse to rush
prayer for the One who is in control of whatever we’re rushing for. Recognize
the beauty of being ordered to take a break five times a day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Take it
from a girl who’s always attracting attention with her <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hijab</i> and way of dress. I do struggle with finding places to pray,
but always realize how easy it is and how calming it makes my heart feel once
I’ve completed it. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Allah swt</i> has made
purifying ourselves easy. When there isn’t water, there are other means in
which to make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wudu</i>. You don’t wear <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hijab</i>? No worries, carry something to
cover up with in your purse or car. There are so many options for us. All my
non-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hijabi</i> friends do it. As for
prayer, I’ve prayed in alley ways, behind pillars of busy business buildings,
fitting rooms, middle of school quads, between library book rows, parking lots,
empty sidewalks, and most recently a corner of a Starbucks because I didn’t
want to leave my stuff unattended. Sure, by the end of my prayer, that entire
area of Starbucks was deadly silent, but everyone went back to their activities
once I stood up, brushed myself off, and went back writing. Trust me, everyone
has always seen something more perplexing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
There’s
no excuse to slack off in the pillars of our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deen</i>. Forget yoga. Who gives up a few minutes of pure clarity and
rest only five times a day? Stop complaining you don’t have any time to relax
and find time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Take care of my health! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I know I disappeared for the end of
last year. I was battling an upper respiratory infection and a bronchitis style
cough throughout December. I hate to say this, but I was forced to bring my
intense cough into the new year. The cough was strong enough to cause strain in
my muscles and a bit of bruising to the bottom of my left rib-cage. I’m still
struggling with the pain. Be it known that I absolutely hate pain killers. Fun
times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Looking back, I don’t know what words
to use to describe the pain. I say this having had knee surgery at a young age,
among other minor surgeries. At one point during the end of last year, I fell
during prayer and couldn’t get off the ground because pain shot through my
bones like they were glass being shattered with fire. I was constrained in the form
of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sujood</i>, prostration, with nothing
but <i>dua</i>’, supplication, and tears to get me through the moments. For several days, I spent
long hours in bed, unable to move or do anything but think of how on a whole, I
was far from the situation my brothers and sisters in other parts of the world,
like Syrian refugees, who were literally freezing to death under non-existent
shelters. I watched the death toll go up daily. Drained of all energy, I had to
admit to myself that I was an idiot for not taking advantage of the healthcare
that is available to me. A few trips to the doctor and medicine slowly brought
me back to life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This isn’t the first time that I’ve
neglected my health and ignored the signs, convincing myself that I had more
important matters. My doctor can attest to the fact that I am a very healthy
person, but when I need to slow down and take it easy, my health is something I
push aside and take for granted too often. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Take advantage of five before five: your
youth before your senility; your health before your sickness; your wealth
before your poverty; your leisure before your occupation; and, your life before
your death.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Prophet
Muhammad, peace be upon him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Slow down. Breath. Enjoy
life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I’ve written far too much about this in previous posts. It seems that I constantly need this reminder. If I can go back, particularity to my days of
being a student at UCSD, I would tell myself to step back and slow down. Just
take in the beauty that surrounded me, even at my lowest moments of human
failures. Living by my life motto: <i>InshaAllah
Kheir</i>. Just breathe… </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Express how much I LOVE
my body. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’m about to start a rant. Proceed
with caution.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I originally wrote an entire post
about this, but I’ll just give you this teaser.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
You know that cliché new year’s
resolution that everyone has about hitting the gym more often? Yea, well, screw
that. Been there, done that. I HATE the gym! I prefer to exercise on my own
time and never to the standards that society and media has brainwashed us to
believe. Don’t go getting all defensive with what I’m writing. Stay with me
here.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Yes, I did just say that we all need
to take care of our health. “Healthy” is the key word here. There is such a
thing as going overboard with weight. Yes, there’s being over-weight and being
under-weight. What everyone needs to understand is that EVERYONE’S TARGET
HEALTHY IS DIFFERENT! We ALL have different body types, bone structure, and
different ways that our bodies handle what we put or don’t put into our bodies.
You want to be at your best state of healthy? Speak to your doctor. Speak to a
professional in this area. This should really be common sense.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I have spent too much of my life
hearing others, family members and friends alike, weigh in on my weight and
body. Don’t be shocked that I do have thighs, a butt, and your typical
“Middle Eastern” figure. And yea, dude, I’m quite fond of my baby cheeks that keep
me looking youthful! I joke that this is why J’adore by Christian Dior is my
favorite perfume. Love that bottle and the perfume even more. The truth is, I
love the body that God has given me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"God
made a very obvious choice when he made me voluptuous; why would I go against
what he decided for me? My limbs work, so I’m not going to complain about the
way my body is shaped."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Drew
Barrymore<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
But, I’m human and words have an
effect on me, just like anyone else.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
While working on my MFA, I was thrown
in this dark cave of thoughts and I basically needed a way to get out all my
anger and negative feelings. I figured I would strike two issues at once by
going to the gym. First, I spoke to my doctor and then I chose to work with a
trainer at the gym. Right from the beginning, my trainer (who had the perfect
body that all celebrities and “beautiful people” of the world are expected to
have) very simply and strongly told me that I clearly did not understand what
my body needed. In simple terms, I was told that unless I wanted to surgically
change my bone struggle and cut out important muscles, what I should be
focusing on is eating more often at the right time and just toning the muscles
I’ve been ignoring. Every body has different needs for maintaining the best
health possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The sad truth is that it’s grossly
more expensive to buy anything deemed as healthy in this country! Yes, I am
singling out the United States. If Palestinians in the West Bank have access to
fresh and organic food that’s good for our bodies, how can we not?? Here,
instead of stocking up on wholesome organic and natural foods, which may mean
needing to spend money on gas to drive far enough to places that sell food we
can trust, it’s easier to fall into the trap of spending a lot of money on
well-known diets. It hurts to see women I know and respect constantly trying to
uphold their diet plans, of barely putting anything into their mouths, just to
keep off ridiculous amount of weight. If it’s not an overload of articles I
keep seeing on the next new diet and exercise trend, then it’s articles on
young teens and adolescents being bullied enough to undergo plastic surgery. Is
this honestly what we have come to??<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“If you don't look like an airbrushed model... you have to look past it. You look how you look. What are you
going to do? Be hungry every single day to make other people happy? That's just dumb.”</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Jennifer
Lawrence</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If we were all meant to look like
Barbie, would we not all have been created that way?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
The funny thing is that in past last
several years, while I have been focusing a bit more on strengthening my
muscles, I haven’t lost or gained any significant weight and yet I have noticed
that based on what I wear, I always have that one person who swears I’ve lost
an insane amount of weight. “Oh my God! You’ve lost weight! You look so good,
love! How did you do it??” Umm, if I lost that much weight, what the heck did
you think of me last year when we last saw each other??? Yes, I’m offended when
people keep insisting I’ve lost so much weight and they want to know how I did
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
It makes me angry because I start to
wonder if that is all that matters to people these days: our physical
appearance in terms of body type, make-up, and what's considered to be "in
fashion" today, which always has the possibility of being "out of
fashion" or "so yesterday" as quickly as it came in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“The most
attractive people are the ones who know that their physical appearance isn’t
the most attractive thing about them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
If you mention my weight the next time
you see or speak to me, don’t be surprised if I give a quick salaams and excuse
myself. There are always more important and exciting subjects we can chat
about.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I think many can relate with me here
when I say that I can't stand it when someone, especially someone I care about
deeply, constantly criticizes her weight and complains that she needs to hit
the gym. The reality is that there's more pressure on females than males. Argue
with me all you want here, but we see it every day whether at school, work, the
media, and really anywhere. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Why is Justin Timberlake dreamy and
sexy in a suit and tie while Beyoncé is considered a role model for “women
empowerment” in her sequined leotards and sultry dancing? The media and fellow
celebrities are too busy bashing Adele for weight despite her sophisticated
attire on stage and INCREDIBLE voice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“And the word
fat. I just think it should be illegal to call somebody fat on TV. If we're
regulating cigarettes and sex and cuss words because of the effect it has on
our younger generation, why aren't we regulating things like calling people
fat?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Jennifer
Lawrence<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I prefer to dress in non-form fitting
clothing, as I try my best to adhere to the Islamic dress code. The fact that I
always get comments, negative or positive, about my body when I wear a dress or
anything that may show the shape of my body only pushes me closer to wearing
more comfortable and fashionable (if I do say so myself) clothing that I don't
have to worry about constantly fixing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
In case there’s any confusion. I’m putting this
out into the world, right here on my blog: I LOVE THE BODY GOD HAS GIVE ME SO
STEP OFF! I love you exactly the way you were created, too. </div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Choose my words
carefully. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Words hold an incredible amount of
power. One word has the potential to harm someone, similarly to the consequence
of one small act of insincerity.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"The
tongue pierces faster, deeper, sharper than any sword can; think carefully
before using such a weapon."</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Yasir Qadhi</span></div>
<br />
I’m checking myself before anyone else. I
believe it’s important for me to gage the situation I’m in and the people I’m
speaking to. I am in no way saying that you should wear different masks around
people. I believe the key is to be sincere in the way we interact with anyone.
Yes, I speak different to my best friend than I do to my other close friends.
You all know by now that I am a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>very
sarcastic person, but I also believe there’s a time to joke around and a time
to be serious. There’s often a fine line between these two states. Not everyone
understands or appreciates sarcasm and I’ve learned the hard way that I need to
be careful. In an age where sadly a lot of our interactions happen online, it’s
even more pertinent to consider what we put out into the world. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“The tongue
is like a lion. If you let it loose, it will wound someone.”</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Ali, may Allah be pleased with him</span></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Careful with your words and remember
that you should never give anyone else authority to harm you with words and
make you feel powerless. You are in control of your own thoughts and how you
choose to see yourself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"No one
can make you feel inferior without your consent."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Eleanor
Roosevelt<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Be kind and smile to
everyone I meet, especially in the face of my enemy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Absolutely no one’s hate and ignorance
should have the authority or power to dictate my life. I have chosen to live
with Islam as my way of life and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hijab</i>
as my way of dress. I will always face discrimination in too many forms to even
go into in this post. I’ve learned to let it roll off my shoulders. This isn’t
to say that I ignore it or turn a blind eye. I do recognize it face forward,
but choose to react in the way that causes harm to no one, whether it be to
educate the one who tries to harm me or understand that all I can do is walk
away. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">“Be kind,
for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it
is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Prophet
Muhammad (PBUH) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
No one is superior over another. Arrogance
is a trap all of us fall through and it is one that we must continue to
struggle against. Life is much too short to even think that way. I know that
social media makes it easier for us to judge, but also remember that every
single thing that is posted online is made with a deliberate intention in mind.
Sometimes, all we see are the best or worst in people’s lives and it is never
our place to judge when we are unable to ever step into anyone’s lives but our
own. Live by the words we hear over and over, treat others as you would like to
be treated.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">"Do not
be people without minds of your own, saying that if others treat you well you
will treat them well, and that if they do wrong you will do wrong to them.
Instead, accustom yourselves to do good if people do good and not to do wrong
(even) if they do evil." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Prophet
Muhammad, peace be upon him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Surround myself with
only good vibes! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Good vibes = supportive family and friends that I
trust and sincerely love me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
People aren’t always going to stay in your life.
I’m not referring to losing someone through death. We lose people for different
reasons in our life. I have trust issues and I have learned sometimes it’s just
best for my well-being to cut off the baggage. Dwelling on the people I have lost
in the past does me no good. I know who I need and who I will always be there
for in my life. I don’t let go of people I love easily. I do my best to keep in
touch and check in, but sometimes that effort and energy is met with silence.
Eventually, you just know it’s time to let go. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"Hate no
one, no matter how much they've wronged you, live humbly, no matter how wealthy
you become, think positively, no matter how hard life is, give much, even if
you've been given little, keep in touch with the ones who have forgotten you,
and forgive who has wronged you, and do not stop praying for the best for those
you love."</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Ali, may
Allah be pleased with him</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I have friends that I used to trust with my
deepest of secrets that now only contact me when they need something from me. I
have other friends I never in a million years thought we would be close and yet
I now trust with my life and know I will always be able to go to them when I’m
feeling my worst. I have friends who I can go months with out speaking or years
without seeing, but when we do find time to say hello or check in, it’s like no
time has passed at all. You can feel that genuine love and care they have for
you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
All these types of relationships are needed.
Every person comes into our life for a reason. As for me, every person I have
ever cared for in any form will never be forgotten, but I know when it’s time
to move on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">“I still love the people
I’ve loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">Uma Thurman <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Forgive, but never
forget. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Life is just too short and too beautiful to hold
on to hate. This is a subject I can speak to for pages, so I’ll leave you with the
following quotes:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"Forgive
but do not forget. You want to benefit from the experience by holding onto the
memory, and you want to let go of your pain by forgiving."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Dr. Marwa
Azab<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">"Resentment is like
ingesting poison and expecting the other person to die."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Be soft. Do
not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let
the bitterness steal your sweetness.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Kurt Vonnegut<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">NEVER compare myself to
others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Success does not have one, two, or even just
three definitions. It has infinite forms. What is good for someone else, may be
harmful to me, and vice versa. Define your own success, achievements,
aspirations, goals, and dreams on your own term to the beat of your happiness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">“If I didn’t define
myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and
eaten alive.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">Audre Lorde <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
It’s easy to compare our happiness with others
based on the narrow view that they give us of their lives. So easy to feel a
sense of jealousy for what we don’t have and forget all that we do have. The
successful person is able to step back from what they think they want and actually
look at how much they already have. Recognize your blessings. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">“The grass may be
greener on the other side. But you can always water yours and work on it to
develop into a splendid garden. Mere wishes and whims will get you nowhere.
Purpose, hard work and the courage to be patient are always the needed
ingredients to life.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">Ismahan Warfa (who also
happens to be a very dear friend of mine.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Chase knowledge for as
long as I am alive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Trying to imagine the amount of information that
is floating around us, everywhere… is just… MIND BLOWING! This goal speaks for
itself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">“‘I’m bored’ is a
useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve
seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on
forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so
you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored’.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">Louis C.K. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
As a Muslim, knowledge is the key to life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">"Acquire
knowledge. It enables its possessor to distinguish right from wrong; it lights
the way to Heaven; it is our friend in the desert, our society in solitude, our
companion when friendless, it guides us to happiness; it sustains us in misery;
it is an ornament amongst friends; and an armour against enemies."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Prophet
Mohammad (PBUH)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Be the best person I can
be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I read a book recently where the main character
asked herself, “Imagine you’ve been asked to write your own obituary. What
would it say?"<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
As a Muslim, my main destination in this journey
of life is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Janaah</i>, heaven. To enter,
I must face everything I have done in my life. I must face Allah <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">swt</i>, where nothing is hidden. How do I
want to face my Lord? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
What kind of person do any of us want to be
remembered by our loved ones and the rest of the world. Every single one of us
will leave a mark, some sort of change, on this Earth. What will it be?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">"Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep
over you and if you are alive they crave for your company."</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Ali, may Allah be pleased with him</span></div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">14.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">DO NOT SETTLE<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I’ve written to this belief of mine many times
and I will continue to write about it. I don’t believe in settling. I believe
everything happens for a reason and at the perfect timing. I choose to live
life without putting all my energy into one area or goal I hope to reach in my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I don’t believe in settling in any situation in
my life, but more often others always correlate “settling” as having to do with
love and marriage. In this case, I absolutely will never settle. Period. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This goes out to every girl who was told there’s
only one road that must be taken in life and that at a certain age we “expire”
if we haven’t settled down and started a family early on in life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Don’t settle for
someone because it’s easy, because they’ve come ready-made, because they
already love you. There’s more to life than what’s simple and convenient and
available. There’s struggling, striving, and hold out the silly, inane, naïve
hope that maybe something perfect exists after all. And when you find something
perfect, if you find someone perfect, they wont be an ideal, of course, because no one is without their
flaws. But there is bound to be someone who will be right for you in that
moment, they will be what you’re looking for… Don’t settle for someone just
because it’s time you made a choice, and they just happened to be there all
along. A person’s heart isn’t a consolation prize. Don’t settle for them
because they’ve been there all along. No one deserves secondhand love.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
For my Muslim brothers and sisters out there, if
marriage is half our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deen</i>, then we
really shouldn’t settle. I want someone who will not only wake me up for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fajr</i>, but also strives to want to be with
me in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Janaah</i> and motivates me to do
the same. Don’t expect me to settle for anything else. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"The
only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet,
keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when
you find it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Steve Jobs<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">15.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Don’t forget family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I’m blessed with family that loves and supports
me. I will always put them first, no exceptions.</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“We often take
for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Cynthia Ozick
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br />
Truly take the time to appreciate and learn from the people you call family. Enjoy their presence, stories, and wisdom gained from years of experience.<br />
<br />
My mom's side of the family had an unplanned min-reunion this past winter. It was only three days, but the memories made in those days were quite possibly the best memories I have ever had of my family. While we spent our mornings enjoying the outdoors in what we call winter in San Diego, every night, there was a dinner party to attend. The first night was at my parents' house and the other two were taken on by my mom's brothers. There was amazing home cooked authentic Palestinian meals and all the little ones running around enjoying their innocence. Every night ended with the entire family - my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and the cousins - packed into the family room sharing stories, telling jokes, playing games, and just enjoying each other's presence with the added delight of endless tea, coffee, sweets, and whatever else was edible in the house because that's how we Arabs hold dinner parties. There is no end to delicious food or laughter. It is the best feeling in the world to just be surrounded by people who love you for all the same crazy quirks they share with you. Be aware of the blessings of having family, guardians, and loved ones.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">16.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Remember that the past
will always stay there, in the past. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Telling myself that I will make peace with my
past is easy. Following through with it is another issue. Letting our past
dictate our present and our future does us no good. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“No amount of
guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go
easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s
Decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way,
but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Umar ibn
al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; mso-themecolor: text1;">The past will never change and we must take our experiences and push
forward. With what little control we have over our past, we need to realize
that we have control over our present that changes our future. Always continue
to move forward. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"Finish
every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and
absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is
a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered
with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with
its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Ralph Waldo
Emerson<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">17.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Stop overthinking! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I remember
writing an entire post on this.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
It’s okay
not to know everything and it’s okay to just slow down and rest. Not everything
is worth our time and thoughts. The key is learning what is worth our energy
and efforts. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Never have I
dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul, which sometimes helps me
and sometimes opposes me.”</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Imam
Al-Ghazali</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Stop
worrying about things you can not change! Let beauty pull you in and shield
yourself of all evil. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"Run my
dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">Run like hell
my dear, from anyone likely to put a sharp knife Into the sacred, tender vision
of your beautiful heart."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Hafiz<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">18.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Write.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Write
like no one will read it. When you think you’re finished writing… step back,
take a break, and then write some more. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">A writer never has a vacation. For a writer
life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.</span>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Eugene
Ionesco</span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
I must constantly remind myself why I write.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-do-you-write.html">http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-do-you-write.html</a><br />
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I must not let anything stop me from
writing, especially fear of rejection of any kind. Don’t let rejection stop
you! Stories, whether they be fiction or non-fiction, just like anything else
in the world, has an acquired taste. We don’t all like to read the same type of
work, but your work will surely find the right home when it’s time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/10/what-i-learned-from-re-reading-my-work.html">http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/10/what-i-learned-from-re-reading-my-work.html</a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Always
push forward. No excuses. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/11/writers-block-perfect-excuse-when.html">http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/11/writers-block-perfect-excuse-when.html</a> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Writing
is a freeing expression of thoughts and feelings that anyone and everyone in
the world has access to. There is this incredible feeling to just putting your
thoughts onto paper, even if it’s only for your own eyes to see. This is not to
be confused with understanding that writing is a God-given talent and skill
that not anyone can easily pick up. It takes passion and dedication that is
unexplainable to those who do not practice the craft regularly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Benjamin Franklin</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">19.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Read. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This is slightly different than chasing knowledge.
I wish I could post every single quote I have ever fallen in love with when
referring to books. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“I believe in
the magic of books. I believe that during certain periods in our lives we are
drawn to particular books—whether it’s strolling down the aisles of a bookshop
with no idea whatsoever of what it is that we want to read and suddenly finding
the most perfect, most wonderfully suitable book staring us right in the face.
Unblinking. Or a chance meeting with a stranger or friend who recommends a book
we would never ordinarily reach for. Books have the ability to find their own
way into our lives.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Cecelia Ahern<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Books are my preferred drug. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">“Books are a
hardbound drug with no danger of overdose. I am the happy victim of books.”</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; text-indent: 0in;">Karl
Lagerfeld</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">20.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Live. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/10/life-death-everything-in-between.html">http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/10/life-death-everything-in-between.html</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I’ll stop
at 20. It’s such a wholesome number. Frankly, it’s almost ten at night and it’s
time to leave this coffee shop and go home to food! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I chose
to make this list for myself, in no particular order, not for the new year
specifically, but to be followed and expanded upon for future days and years to
come. With the exception of this year, I agree with Anaïs Nin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">"</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><span style="color: blue;">I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making
plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily
event for me." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Anaïs Nin<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’m happy with the life God has
planned for me, even with all the battles I face, and patiently look forward to
all the beauty that will come my way. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Happy New Year, my dear readers! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
May this year bring you beautiful
memories, exciting adventures, wonderful reading, and incredible writing!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Salaam, <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Hanoon<o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-5835943708001037192013-11-21T21:07:00.004-08:002013-11-23T03:27:53.580-08:00Writer’s Block = Perfect Excuse When Having Too Many Thoughts<i style="text-indent: 0in;">wri</i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">·</span>ter’s
block [\</i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">ˈ</span>rīt-ərz-\; /</i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">ˌ</span>ra</i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">ɪ</span>.təz</i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">ˈ</span>bl</i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">ɒ</span>k/]</i><br>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">noun</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">1. </span>the problem of not being able to
think of something to write about or not being able to finish writing a story,
poem, etc.<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">2.</span> a psychological inhibition
preventing a writer from proceeding with a piece<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">3.
a usually temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a
piece of writing<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">4.
an inability to remember or think of something you normally can do; often
caused by emotional tension<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">5.
the condition of being unable to create a piece of written work because
something on your mind prevents you from doing it <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Origin: </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1945-50<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
If I were
to write a story based on a moment in time in my life, specifically these past
two week, it would be titled WRITER’S BLOCK. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I haven’t
been able to write a single thing… Well, anything but cover letters for
employment opportunities and query letters to literary agents. My brain has
been feeling like a dessert, not even a single camel in sight. At least with a
camel in my periphery I would feel like there’s a bit of water near, even if
it’s hiding in it’s hump. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That sounded good in my head… Wrong on
paper. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Anyway, I
couldn’t think of anything to write so I titled this blog post “Writer’s Block”
and proceeded to define the term with various definitions located all over the
internet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
While
writing out these definitions, I couldn’t help but to feel like I was living these
definitions, until I arrived at the last one. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: red;">“The condition of
being unable to create a piece of written work because something on your mind
prevents you from doing it.”</span></i><span style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
The
reality is I don’t have “writer’s block”. I’m not in a state of living in a dry
well with no ink to fill the pages. My struggle is that I have too much ink,
too many thoughts, and they keep exploding everywhere! I keep staring at blank
pieces of paper and white screens, trying to write the scenes in my head, but
my fingers can’t move fast enough. I’ve discovered it’s just not humanly
possible. Frustration at its finest. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I also
have to live simultaneously in reality and the fictional world in my head…
Fellow writers, I know you understand. The struggle to not lose myself in my
own creative process is usually saved by someone in the “real world” pulling me
back to safety. This method of saving me doesn’t last too long if my novel is
in a crucial place of development. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p>***</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<o:p><br></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I have
found that my writing is affected by many variables, which isn’t surprising, I
know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">My location and setting while I’m writing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I have
never been able to find that one perfect writing spot. Technically, I can write
just about anywhere, depending on the situation. It depends on what I’m writing
– whether it be a novel, article, or blog post – and the specific scenes I’m
working on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">My emotions during specific scenes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I become
very attached to my characters and believe that my own emotions should not
intervene with their emotions and lives. If I feel that this will be the case,
it causes me to hold off until I’m in the right mood to write. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">The weather. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I always
try to choose, but I don’t believe I have a favorite season. It’s the San Diego
vibe and lifestyle. Living in San Diego means I have the beauty of experiencing
all four seasons in one day. I’m not joking. Of course San Diego, more so than
any other Southern California city, is known for it’s beautiful sunny 70’s
weather year-round. Living near the beaches and mountains is never tiring. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br>
I have
learned that the best writing weather for me is during the extremes, because I
don’t have the excuse nor distraction of wanting to be outside, enjoying the
weather. While writing, I need some sort of drink – coffee, tea, smoothie – and
a window to watch the outside world. Extreme heat or the rare, incredibly
beautiful rain (like today) keep me cozy in coffee shops, writing with great
focus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">My relationship with other human beings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
This ties
in to my need for alone time and a pleasant mood to keep me writing. I love
being as social as any other bookworm, nerd, glasses wearing, cozy sweats and
sweater girl… you get the picture.<br>
[Yes, this type of person existed before hipsters
created their own “trend”. For all my self-titled “hipster” friends, back in my
day, we were just called nerds, geeks, dorks, or people with bizarre, yet
weirdly exotic and interesting fashion sense.]<br>
<br>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Being
private suits me. This is why my blog has allowed me to be a little less
private… A little. I’m still working on the possibility of opening up the
comments section. I love making new friends, but as I have said before, I am
also very cautious of this. Trust is something difficult to gain. <o:p></o:p><br>
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
[I don’t
accept Facebook friends unless we’ve had some sort of friendship offline and in
person. This decision came from previous crazy experiences.] Truth be told, I
prefer face to face relationships, or at least being able to hear your voice
over the phone. I have found that this is partly because I am a very sarcastic
person and text doesn’t always relay that part of me, which causes
miscommunication issues. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p>***</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<o:p><br></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
You would
think that being unable to write has given me more time to read. Nope. I have a
growing stack of books, creeping up my wall, just waiting to be devoured. I
haven’t been reading much. Every time I sit down to read, I feel guilty about
not writing. When I can’t write, I feel guilty about not spending my time in a
more productive manner. I turn back to seeking employment opportunities and
finding the perfect agent who will love my work almost in the same way that I
do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I love
that I have an endless list of priorities; I would rather be busy than bored
and staring at my ceiling with nothing to do. I am the master of multitasking.
I’m usually working on all my responsibilities at once, which in turn causes me
to neglect my writing at times. During this time where my writing suffers, I
miss my characters and their world. My non-writer friends always think I’m
crazy when I try to explain to them that I live amongst my fictional
characters. I talk about them like we’re friends. They’re real! They live
vividly within my head. Their stories continue to be lived even when I’m not
writing it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I have
written before that the development of my stories come to me during the most
inconvenient of times: driving, sleeping, in the shower. While I am thankful I
have my phone on me to either write down quick notes or record my thoughts, I
always lose all my thoughts in the shower. I stumbled upon something today.
Fellow writers, are you ready for this? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I don’t
celebrate any of the holidays during this time of the year, but I wouldn’t mind
surprise presents from friends or family… AquaNotes!!! <o:p></o:p><br>
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://www.myaquanotes.com/">http://www.myaquanotes.com</a><o:p></o:p><br>
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
There’s
only one real problem with this. If my writing flow gets rolling, I would never
leave the shower. Well, I would be in there for hours… <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Really,
my writer’s block can be defined as having way too many thoughts for my own
good. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Take this
moment; I knew I had a lot more to write, but my mind keeps wandering off. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Next week
I’ll be spending a lot of time with family and I don’t believe I will be able
to put up a new blog post. I pray you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving break
with family and friends. Although the reason for partaking in this holiday
isn’t built on the correct side of history (I won’t go into any of that for
your sake; do pick up an American history book not located in grades K-12), I
do hope it serves as a wonderful breather with your loved ones. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
I want to
leave you with this video that made my entire day. This is the beauty of
humanity that has become lost in the barriers that our personal biases –
influenced partly by society, politics, media, you name it – has built,
preventing us from seeing the beauty in our brothers and sisters in humanity. I
love this!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">“When they first get in, they’re
not sure what to think. But there’s just something about a ball pit that breaks
down barriers and encourages new friends. This is awesome.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: blue;">Take a Seat - Make a Friend?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfHV4-N2LxQ">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfHV4-N2LxQ</a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br></div>
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Here are a few
pictures I took at sunset when the rain turned into a light drizzle. The first picture
was from my seat inside the coffee shop. The rest are from my walk outside during
the short break I took. SubhanaAllah, the sky has been breathtakingly beautiful
this time of year. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Salaam,<br>
Hanoon</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpLast" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-69629051158792602732013-11-07T20:07:00.002-08:002013-11-07T20:07:53.107-08:00A Letter to the Monster in My Head<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Dear
Monster in my Head,</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Fancy meeting you here, in the darkest
depths of my mind. You seem to be showing up a lot. Just chilling in my brain.
Finding any tiny corner to take refuge. Bringing me down in my thoughts and
causing my emotion and motivation to drop. Trying to control my thoughts before
I successfully crush you until the next time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Quite frankly, I’m really tired of
your… ridiculousness. Yeah, I’m keeping it G-rated, because every time you fuel
my anger, Monster, I can feel you winning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
We’re not in high school anymore.
Although life may just well be an extended, presumably more professionally
conniving version of high school, I don’t believe it has to be that way. I’m
tired of having to do this dance every time I’m feeling like this world has
conquered me. So, let’s face each other like the adults we pretend to have
grown into. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Monster, I’m ready
to take you down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I’m here to tell you I’m taking full
control – of my thoughts, mind, and outlook on life. I’m here to throw you out.
My mind is no longer for you to occupy with your petty whispers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Monster, this
is me telling you to disappear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
You no longer have control on my
thoughts. I will take on this world and live my life to the fullest potential. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">I am in
control. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will find
motivation in myself and the dreamers before me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will live
with Islam as my way of life, Allah’s words in my heart and the teachings of
Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, on my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will find
only the beauty in Allah’s blessings and let dua’ put me at ease. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will speak my mind and never fear holding back from
saying the truth no matter how difficult it may be at the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will master control over my emotions – trust cautiously
but love infinitely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will be good to my health and leave the worries of my
weight behind me as I indulge in the piece of knaffeh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will surround myself with only friend I can trust to only
pull me up when I am down and not find pleasure in my sorrow or use me as a
punching bag to ease their own worries. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will greet everyone with a smile no matter how much they
test my patience sanity of my mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will not turn my back to those who judge me on appearance
but instead use my patience to educate them from grasping on to the ignorance
they hold so dear. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will be patient in the life that Allah has given me and
understand that not only does everything happen for a reason, but after every
winter, spring awaits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Monster,
don’t you know this life is too short and meant to be lived without your rude
intrusions on my life?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will complete my novels that are meant to be written and
never lose hope that they will soon find their way to the hands of readers
everywhere and a home among bookshelves. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will have faith that I will one day find that one job
that makes me happy and pleases Allah swt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will NEVER give up on dreams or settle for less. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will be good to my parents and only pray that I continue
to receive their blessings so that Allah can place barakah in my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will always be here for my siblings for as long as I am
alive and smother them with love and be the overprotective older sister that I
was born to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: red;">Monster, I won’t change who I am for anyone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will continue to be the strong-headed, perfectionist,
motivated, stubborn, insanely driven woman that my mama has raised me to be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will only choose role models who respect their minds,
bodies, and souls. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: red;">Monster, I won’t let you bring me down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will not allow my migraines to bring me down to a state
of depression and sense of failure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will continue to remind myself that I am human – with
imperfections and a tendency to make mistakes that must be learned from, but
this is the way that Allah has created me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: green;">I will hold my deen above everything and let it lead me to finding
peace in this world and love among my brothers and sisters in humanity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Monster,
I know you’re not going to leave quite so easily. You will try to wiggle
yourself into my head every so often. I’ll be here to set you straight and
continue to add to this list. I promise you, you’ll wish you had never messed
with me to begin with me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Oh, you
think you can still stick around? You don’t think I can gain control over you? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
Prepare
to FAIL. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Goodbye, Monster, and good ridden, <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-21996156402539920402013-10-31T19:30:00.000-07:002013-10-31T19:30:11.930-07:00Untitled<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">Salaam!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Following my heavy subject blog post last week
on life and death, I’ve been working on one of my novels non-stop. The chapters
I have been working on required me to do some digging into some old writing and
research for one of my characters. In the process, I stumbled upon more writing
I did back when I was at UCSD. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
One of the last workshop courses I
took at UCSD was called “Philosophy of Writing”. Yes, the title of the class
was just as terrifyingly confusing as the professor and his assignments. I
reread two of the stories I wrote and was thoroughly confused. I couldn’t
recognize my purpose or reasoning behind the piece. I finally remembered that
even back then, I had no idea what I was writing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
This isn’t surprising to me. It was fall
quarter of my senior year at UCSD: I was battling the flu for the second time
in three months and bronchitis that lasted for months; my patience was being
severely tested by a professor who had it out for me because of my background and
had no problem telling me what she thought of me and my writing through a
letter connected to one of my assignments (in this situation, I put on the
professor shoes and had to educate her on diversity); my mom was going off to
Hajj and I couldn’t bid her safe travels in person; I won’t even get started on
how I was dealing with my French literature class … I was a mess. These are the
only reasons I can find behind writing such dark and nonsensical pieces during
that time in my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
In case any of you are interested, I
did some digging and found an “Explanatory Note” that my professor required us
to attach to each of our assignments. The following piece was apparently my
interpretation of Foucault and Barthes’ theories on author-function. It was my
response to Foucault’s “What is an Author” and Barthes’ “Death of the Author.” Based
on my attempt to bridge both philosopher’s concepts into one, the grammar and
verb tense in the piece are off; that was deliberate. Despite the high grade I
did achieve for that course, so much for actually retaining anything I learned.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
I need to head back to my writing, so
I shall leave you with this piece originally untitled. Remember, this hasn’t
been touched in four years and I’m pretty sure it was one of those “written at 3
am the night before class” assignments. I bid you well wishes trying to
understand the story. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
As promised, I will always post on
Thursdays, even if it means putting up an old, horribly written story and
embarrassing myself in the process… <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Enjoy! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
*** <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The full moon of the month illuminates
the grisly streets of the city. A shadow lurks on every corner sending spiders
to hide within their cobwebs. Howls of unidentified animals whine into the air
giving it a chill. The crisp winds lick at his black leather jacket. He pulls
on the zipper as if to make sure it is possible to extend it beyond closing
point. Hands wrapped tightly around themselves, wrings his fingers to conceal
any warmth, he hastily walks on in a confident stance illustrating that he knows
where he needs to go and it must be quick. There is no time left. It is coming.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>His eyes perk up at the site of an old
run down house at the end of the street. Light stream from its windows shining
itself onto the dark and vacant houses nearby. He reaches the fence. Slowly
opening the crooked gate, he begins to ascend the steps gently as to not step
on the trail of spiders leading the way. He reaches out to the doorknob, ready
to twist – <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">STOP!
Do not enter… turn back slowly… Now.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He jumps, turning around to the gentle
whispers. No sound, the area around him is calm. A shiver runs down his spine.
He shakes it off and once again returns to the door. Spiders now lay confident
on the doorknob, circling tighter and tighter. Changing his mind, he walks back
and out the gate. Maybe this isn’t the right house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>You’re not
there yet. You must keep going…must. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>His first step back on the street, rain
pelts down hard jerking him awake and washing out any noise. He pulls up his
collar and wraps his arms tightly to hug in the warmth and continues on down
the street. As if on cue, lights begin to pour out of the houses followed by
laughter and happy voices. Brows furrowed in confusion, he makes a turn into a
dark alley only to find another row of houses. These are silent and almost
ghostly like. He can sense his destination is near now. It must be. The houses become
larger and scarcer leaving now more space between them. Unsure of his next
step, he stops to consider any options. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No, keep
going… almost there… I should know, shouldn’t I? <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Again the whispers startle him. He
spins slowly in a circle shifting his eyes back and forth to spot the thing
that spoke. No one seems to be lurking nearby. There lie only houses, dark, dim
and undisturbed. One holds an aura of cobwebs. The rain stops. Dew glistens on
the webs revealing a pathway by which to enter into the garden surrounding the
grand front door. Shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, he walks through
the webs up to the brick walls holding together the steel door. He raises his
hand to knock and stops right before his hand reaches the gold metal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Do not fear,
enter. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The door smoothly opens shining light
onto his face. Hunching his shoulders, he shoves his hands into his jeans
pockets again. He enters slowly and spots a shadow coming near yet no image
appears. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Welcome
home. Be prepared. Another maze awaits you once again. It will reorganize itself
soon. Ready? Set. Go…<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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<span style="color: maroon;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The lights go out. He stands in a misty
jungle ready to follow the light and whispers once again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-44235777455421647862013-10-24T20:25:00.000-07:002013-10-28T14:41:32.887-07:00Life, Death, & Everything in Between<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
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Asalaamu Alaikum, <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve been struggling to write a blog
post for the past two weeks. I would have just posted a story I have written,
but it didn’t feel right taking a break from my blog for two weeks in a row.
I’ve been in quite a… not sure if I have the right word to convey how I’m
feeling, so let’s just say funk… I’ve been in a weird funk lately. I find
myself experiencing much more downs than ups and my usually optimistic take on
life has taken a hit. <o:p></o:p></div>
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They say practice what you preach, so
I haven’t spoken to anyone lately. Staying in my own secluded bubble. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Before any of you optimists begin to
prepare your responses to employ your wisdom of why I should always see the
beauty in life and wah wah wah… It will probably start to sound Charlie
Brownish to me. I’m not depressed. I’m also not a pessimist. I’m just being
realistic with what stands in front of me at the moment. I have a lot to do, a
certain amount of time to do it in, and I have yet to find the best way to accomplish
what needs to be done. Cryptic much? This isn’t a post directed at anyone
specific. This is one of those posts where I needed to put down a bit of my
jumbled thoughts out there into the world and let it be. This is how I deal
with the craziness in my life. Some of you walk it off. I write it out. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The reality is that I know exactly
what’s making me feel this way. I know why I haven’t been able to multitask
with my to-do lists. I know what I need to do. I’m still stuck. I’m at a point
in my life that a lot of you in my situation (mid-twenties, unemployed, and
unattached to anyone) are experiencing. I’m in limbo. <o:p></o:p></div>
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During limbo, we may reach a few
different levels of insanity and anxiety about our future. Me? I think I’m just
angry… At myself. Putting aside my insomnia, many of us, like myself, get to a
point where we stay up all night or wake up early in the morning unable to
actually get out of bed and stare up at the ceiling thinking, “What the hell is
the purpose of my life? What was the purpose of EVERYTHING I have done to get
to this point in my life? Why haven’t I painted my ceiling so that I would have
something interesting to look at during all the times I spend staring at it?” All
very reasonable questions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This past year has been filled with
many deaths of people that I know and people related to those I know and care
about. Last night I attended an azzah (gathering to express condolences to the
family of a loved one who has passed away) for the mother of a friend I love
very dearly for the sake of Allah swt. My friend is not only my sister in
Islam, but also a role model with her humble and bright personality and
strength in deen (faith). Her mother was visiting her sister in another state for
Eid and passed away on Monday from a car accident. While my friend’s aunt
lived, having suffered only a broken leg, her mother passed away. Hearing of
this death led to a thought-provoking conversation between another dear friend
and I. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Nothing is certain except for death.
Allah swt tells us in the Quran that everyone will taste death. This is the
reality for all of us. Death is inevitable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: green;">“Every soul
will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the
Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to
Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except
the enjoyment of delusion.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: green;">Quran, Surat
Ali Imran, 3:185<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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If this is the case, if as Muslims we
believe that before we are even born, our destiny is written with the exact
moment that God will take our soul back to Him; if the afterlife and Janaat
(heaven) is our true destination, then why live? Why put so much effort into
our lives? What is the purpose? <o:p></o:p></div>
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As Muslims, we forget that our purpose
in life is to serve Allah swt. We forget that this life is just the road,
journey, to the most beautiful destination. We forget that even if this is the
case, Allah swt asks of us to balance our faith with the pleasures of this
life. We must continue to gain education, love for his sake, and enjoy this
life in the best of ways. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I live by
these words and hold it as my motto to life: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: green;">“Live in
this world as if you were going to live forever; prepare for the next world
(Hereafter) as if you were going to die tomorrow.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: green;">Prophet
Muhammad, peace be upon him <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Even if you are not Muslim, regardless
of what you believe in, you know that not only will you not be able to escape
death, but that our time in this life is limited. We must make the best use of
our time. We must live it to the fullest with the awareness that it can be
taken away from us at any moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We can’t stop living. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #660066;">“Life is
rich as we fill it with the things beautiful to remember.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #660066;">Goethe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Life is challenging, but also filled
with love, beauty, and adventure. One of the greatest blessings that Allah swt
has given us is the ability to forget and move on. In Islam, when a death
occurs, even if it may be a loved one – a parent, child, significant other – we
must grieve, show emotion, shed tears and remember the beauty they brought to
our world, but we must not get caught up in a cycle of despair. We must not
inflict self harm. We continue living. Grieve for those first three days. Lock
yourself away and allow yourself to pray and reflect on life and death. In the
end, we must move on. We carry our loved ones in our heart always, but we must
live our life to the fullest and make dua’ (supplication) and pray that God
will join us with our loved ones once again in heaven. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When my friend put that question out
there: what am I doing with my life? I pondered the same question. All those
years of exhaustion and overwhelming all-nighters – were those straight A’s
from first grade through high school necessary? Was it a waste of my time to
get involved with all those clubs and student government in high school? All
those AP courses, were they worth it? What made me think that spending my days
hauled up in the basement of Geisel library at UCSD with nothing but my
studies and crushing stress would amount to anything? Why was I so invested in
the MSA and SJP at UCSD and what on Earth compelled me to take on board
positions in the organizations that stole every free moment of my time and not
to mention affected my GPA? Were all those silent tears and stress induced
three months of the flu and bronchitis over school during my last year at UCSD needed?
The sleepless nights at UCSD and AULA, where did they get me? <o:p></o:p></div>
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The reality is, that’s life. Life is
about the hardships and challenges that strengthen our determination and aim to
accomplish our greatest adventures… Right? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, I sit here gulping down my iced
coffee with a monstrous loan to pay off from graduate school looming over my
head, the fear of forever being unemployed and my novels never being published,
and being stuck in the same city I was born and raised in. All those dreams and
goals of traveling the world with my DSLR, paper, and a pen, can I still
believe in it? My biggest fear of all: will I ever reach the point of being
able give back to my parents at least a sliver of everything they have done for
me? All this passion and effort, will I taste its honey before I die? I million
more fears and questions spiraled out of control in my head. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I look back and realize that I regret
nothing that brought me to where I am today. Everything happens for a reason.
Living in the worries of our past will never do you any good. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #660066;">"Finish
every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and
absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is
a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered
with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #660066;">Ralph
Waldo Emerson<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I answered her bluntly and confidently
with the first answer that came to mind (this is directly from the online chat
we had):<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #3366ff;">Allahu
A3lam (only God knows) what may happen but I know I need to make the best use
of my time now for the sake of Allah swt because I don't know when He will ask
my soul to return to Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3366ff;">I focus on
my family, my writing, finding a job to be there for my family and to work for
the sake of Allah swt; those are my priorities long before planning my life
with aspects that society believes will provide happiness but may not happen...
like marriage that keeps being shoved in my face. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #3366ff;">Life is
too short to expect happiness to come later and sit there waiting for it to
appear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Life is short, but each one of us is
given the exact amount of time needed to fulfill our purpose. I know it’s hard
to believe, but I must have faith. Not just tawakul (trust) in Allah’s plan for
me, but faith in my ambitions and all aspects that make my life so wonderful. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #660066;">“If we had
no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not taste adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066;">Anne
Bradstreet <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I had the beautiful pleasure of
spending time with my mama and sister over brunch on Tuesday. While I would
like to describe to you the delicious place we tried out that infused chocolate
into every single menu item – yes, every single item had chocolate, vanilla
bean, or caramel – I’ll spare you the details for another time. (San Diegans,
check out Eclipse Chocolate! Trust this coming from a person who doesn’t care
for chocolate.) <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not sure what we were discussing
before I expressed to my mom that life is short. I can’t live by what society
tells me my life should look like. With all that this world has to offer, how
can I assume that life is to be lived and experienced in only one way. No one can
determine my happiness for me. No one has the right to tell me or coerce me
to assume that’s if I don’t carry a certain money-filled carrier, marry at a
certain age to a specific type of man, and have a family that this will
complete my happiness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I put out there what may be the
scariest words a parent wants to hear, or maybe anyone for that matter: what if
God hasn’t written for me to live comfortably, marry and have children? What if
I’m meant to live my life seeking knowledge and adventure? What if all I have
to look forward to is the fruit of my writing being given to the world? What if
I’m meant to bring entertaining education through my writing to present Islam
and Muslims in the beautiful light that it deserves? Should I then assume that
I will never find my happiness? NO! That is my happiness. My happiness is
whatever I want it to be. I don’t know what Allah swt has written for me. I
don’t know what awaits me in the future or how long I have to live, but I know
that I must live in the now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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What I also know is that I will never
settle for less than what I deserve. This is something that I promised myself
as a child and it is a promise that will go unbroken. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">“This was another of our fears: that Life wouldn't turn out to be like
Literature.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Julian Barnes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unlike literature, we write our own
stories. We are responsible for our own happiness and finding the life that
survives the harsh winter conditions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I believe that my purpose in life is
to serve Allah swt. This is what makes me happy. I serve Him in more than just
through remembrance, prayer, dua’, reading the Quran, and being the best Muslim
through my speech and actions. I serve Him in my hunger for devouring knowledge
and passion for finding peace in my writing. I serve Him in finding the beauty
He has blessed in this life and this world. Beauty is not one for all; it is
not black and white. We all know by now that beauty is truly in the eye of the
beholder. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Those of you who know me well, already
know that when I am at my lowest point, I find myself at the ocean. That is
beauty. I can stare at the expanse of Allah’s blessing for hours. I find it
incredible that so much life exists in the water, life that is continuously
being discovered by humans. Still, there is so much that exists in the unknown.
We are but a speck in this vast universe. We must live and learn. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066;">“You can’t
stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066;">Jon
Kabat-Zinn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
When we find ourselves being pulled
one way or another, threatening to drown, we learn to pull ourselves out of the
water and breathe. <span style="color: #660066;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
Find your own space to think, breathe,
and continue living – even if it's climbing to the top of the highest
mountain and screaming until your lungs are dry. Perhaps it’s spending time in
your kitchen cooking a delectable meal for your family. It may simply be to
wrap yourself in a fuzzy, warm blanket with a hot drink and music or a book to
enjoy. Let out all that energy. Let out all your fears. Remember your
blessings. Find your purpose in life, what makes you smile. Live. <span style="color: #660066;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
For all of you out there who are
sharing the twenty-fifth year of their life with me, or are experiencing their
mid-twenties: <span style="color: #660066;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066;">"You’ll
be fine. You’re 25. Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid
it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll
be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #660066;">Louis CK<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
To end my
stream of thoughts, I am reminded of the words written by a brother in Islam I
dearly respected. He passed away from a sudden and unexpected heart attack
before his twenty-first birthday and a little over two months before his
graduation from UCSD last March. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">“"For
some of us the flames of hope are merely candles; small dots of light in what
appears to be an eternally dark night, and yet everyday my candle will flicker,
and the voices of my mind will again begin to bicker. But the voice of the
divine light will shine through:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">'Look up to
the sky... Just look up to the sky...'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">And so I look
up to the sky, and even though I can't see the sun...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">I know its
there."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: red;">Alireza
Moaddel <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
May you live your life to the fullest and find a purpose and happiness in this
world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
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Salaam, <br />
Hanoon <span style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9215490786261967014.post-15284048835670714132013-10-10T20:06:00.000-07:002013-10-10T20:12:35.114-07:00What I Learned From Re-Reading My Work & Rejection<!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpFirst">
Salaam!</div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
My first title for this essay was, “What
I have learned from re-reading my final manuscript AFTER receiving it as a
fancy bound copy from my MFA program”. I decided that title was a little long
winded. You’re lucky that I edited it down. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
The original
long, verbose title represents the thought process in my head after I re-read
my final manuscript. Last week, I received a large package from AULA’s MFA
program and I thought to myself, “What could they possibly send me that was
like my residency boxes after I graduated?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
(Before
each residency at my program, I would receive a large box with all my materials
and readings. It was actually pretty exciting. Not just being able to read my
peer’s work that I was going to workshop, but more importantly because it meant
I was getting close to seeing my Antioch family of writers. I miss my Antioch
family.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
The
package held my bound final manuscript. I had no idea it would come looking
like an actual book. It was thrilling to hold it in my hands. It was beyond
exciting being able to place it on my overflowing bookshelf, among my favorite
authors. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNofKvWlYQthVuz6vZVfMuoMuBvSXT7dhbofXUavw6D4ODpgZQ2fVCjREdFxxC4mOI5EIyakfMODLw-S0ubpJFQ4POsgaGDRw-3343QzAaasZ_0wP6aDy9MooYe8Yc4XHfoR0GZ_gshJk/s1600/Bound+CF.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNofKvWlYQthVuz6vZVfMuoMuBvSXT7dhbofXUavw6D4ODpgZQ2fVCjREdFxxC4mOI5EIyakfMODLw-S0ubpJFQ4POsgaGDRw-3343QzAaasZ_0wP6aDy9MooYe8Yc4XHfoR0GZ_gshJk/s400/Bound+CF.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d;">I dream of
the day that I can witness a published copy of my novel among my favorite books
and authors. Until then, I have a bound manuscript from my MFA program.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
Having my
novel in my hands, I realized that I have been focused on my next novel and
should find time to bring back my attention to my first one. I have been
reaching out to agents so that I can be a step closer to getting it published.
Despite this, I had not actually read my novel on paper. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
I decided
to print it out and take a red pen to the pages for what I hoped to be positive
changes and maybe even a few more chapter additions. My red pen received a nice
workout.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
Thirty-nine
mistakes. Yep. That’s how many mistakes I found in my “final manuscript”. Keep
in mind that my final manuscript is equivalent of the master’s thesis and was
turned in as such, bound by the MFA program, and a copy is now sitting among
other bound final manuscripts at my graduate school for others to check out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
Now, some
of these mistakes were a missing comma, maybe a word like “a” or “the”, or even
just an incorrect verb tense for that specific paragraph. Still, I was
horrified. The upside is that I did make changes that I believe strengthened my
story and now I am working on a few new chapters that I believe my future
readers will appreciate and enjoy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
I learned
a few lessons from reading my manuscript in print after it was so called
“finalized”. Naturally, I made a list of what I learned and the results it had
on my writer psyche. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle">
These
tips are for myself and not meant to generalize the writing style of any other
writer; however, I do welcome you to learn from my mistakes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">ALWAYS print out your
work to edit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I repeat, PRINT out your work to edit. I know
there are those of you who disagree with me. I hate wasting paper and ink. It
doesn’t feel right to me. However, I do hope to one day see printed copies of
my book in bookstores around the country, and who knows, maybe even other
countries too. I used to print out several chapters at a time, but I thought it
would be too much to print out my entire manuscript. The reality is, I have
read my novel so many times that I actually have the story memorized. On the
computer, it’s easy for me to skim over parts or fail to pay attention to small
details after the hundredth time editing, especially when I start to see spots
and colors emerge on the screen from focusing too intently. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My final manuscript was sent to both my mentor
and a good friend of mine who is a strong writer. That doesn’t excuse me from not
catching those thirty-nine mistakes ahead of time. Printing out the manuscript
made me see details I missed while it was sitting on my computer. I noticed
longer paragraphs and run-ons that could have been separated, areas where I
will now expand and bring to life in a more descriptive way, clarifications
that should have been made, and chapters that I am now excited about adding
that didn’t seem to be too necessary with how long a 230 page novel looked on
my computer. Getting through it after the fiftieth time of editing was
exhausting and took me forever. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, yes, I do believe printing out my novel and
making edits also made me excited to read it all over again because I was able
to turn the pages in the same way I do with my favorite books. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Share your work with two
types of friends: the reader and the writer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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It’s very difficult for me to share my novel
writing with anyone, let alone friends. For a long time, the only people who
had seen my novels or any of my writing were my AULA mentors. (My workshop
peers at Antioch only received first versions of usually first chapters.) Instead
of requesting a new mentor each project period, I successfully alternated
between two and consider myself blessed to have carried on the mentor-mentee
relationship after graduating. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My wonderful mentor and brilliant writer, Gayle
Brandies, was my main reader for the novel <i>Café
Francisco</i>. Although she is brilliant and always honest with her feedback
and creative criticism, I knew I needed another pair of eyes, if not more, to
read my work. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I sent specific chapters to two friends that I
trusted who served as readers. They provided me with their reactions and
feedback as my future audience. Their focus was on the flow of the story and
strength of my characters. My only other reader was a friend who I knew would
be willing to read my manuscript from the first word to the last and also open
track changes to provide changes and feedback he thought would serve my story
and readers. I consider him to be a fellow writer and someone I trust. I have
already told him I’m writing new chapters that I will ask him to provide
feedback. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I use the word “trusted” very strictly because I
trust very few people in my life and even fewer with what I hold deeply close
to my heart. Recently, another close friend, the reader type, has asked permission
to read my manuscript completely and offered to use track changes to give me
commentary. I’m waiting until the new chapters are inserted to share the novel
with her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I should also add: get over your fear of
criticism and send your work to a writer you believe is more experienced and
just better than you at writing as well as editing. I plan on reaching out to
one of my AULA MFA buddies to find a friend who is willing to read my novel for
me. This is warning to them… (Contact me if you’re up for it!)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Every friend I have reading this story is a
different type of friends. Each come from different backgrounds, ethnicities,
and I know hold very different views of the world. This helps me immensely to
gage how wide of an audience I can reach with my writing. As a writer, I want
to reach as many readers as I can. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Don’t be afraid to make
changes, BIG CHANGES, to your work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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When I write, I try to control my OCD and
perfectionist tendencies by shutting them out. I write a chapter when it comes
to me or a scene despite where it may end up in the novel. It may be the second
to last chapter that is written before the first half of the story. I find that
there are two chapters I can’t move around – the first and last chapter of a
story. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I always need to write the first chapter before I
put anything down for the rest, even if I know for a fact that another chapter
will precede it somewhere down the line. This was the case with <i>Café Francisco</i>. I also need my last
chapter to be the last thing I write for my novel. There’s a rush of finality
to knowing that I am writing the last chapter and I can almost say that I have
completed a novel. I had many versions of the last chapter for <i>Café Francisco</i> in my head but none of
these versions were written until I knew my journey with my characters for this
book were ending. The final version of the last chapter came to me around three
in the morning. I stayed up past sunrise until I had finalized it and then crashed
from both excitement and exhaustion. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite all of this, I have a crazy organized
folder on my computer with all the different versions of my novel and extra
chapters that may never be seen by anyone. While at Antioch, I changed verb
tense of my entire story as many times as celebrities change their hair color.
There are many scenes that have different versions and different points of
view. Sometimes when I would receive feedback from a strong writing peer or
mentor to change something in my novel, I would do it even though I had a
strong feeling that I wasn’t going to stick with the change and it wasn’t right
for my story. I always had the previous version to go back to, but I knew I
shouldn’t be afraid of trying the change. Who knew if it would actually
strengthen my story. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Recently, I realized that I do indeed need
several more chapters to make my story whole. Yes, I have the ending and that
won’t change, but I’m currently writing chapters that will go in near the
beginning of the story. That’s more than okay. It’s exciting to see my novel
continue to evolve and fill out. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As writers, we have an understanding that until
our novel is sent out to the final publication process and hits bookshelves (or
short story/ essay/ piece is accepted by a journal), we will continue to edit
out work. I don’t think I will ever feel like my work is 100% perfect. The
characters and story live in my head and their lives don’t end with “The End”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">NEVER stop writing…
especially if you’re stuck.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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This should be obvious and self-explanatory, but
it’s one of those “easier said than done” statements. We all have days where we
just want to curl up into a ball and hide under a blanket all day. Let me ask
you fellow writers this: was there ever a time when you were working on a story
of any kind and decided to take a “break” and your mind actually let you take a
break? My answer? No. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My brain is constantly “writing” even when I
don’t have a writing utensil, paper, or computer near me. While driving. After
an argument with a friend or family member. Staring up at my ceiling. After a
tragedy. In moments of happiness. My mind is always on the go, even when I’m
asleep. I often suspect that the reason I dream excruciatingly vividly is
because there’s a story that needs to be told. It can be one that is only for
my eyes to heal me when I’m at my lowest. It’s still worth something. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When you’re on any emotional high, be it sad or
happy, it’s the perfect time to write… and edit later. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I find that when my emotions are at their highest
levels, that’s when I’m finally able to put anything down. Other times, I
really do just want to rest on my bed and stare at my ceiling, only getting
angrier at myself for not being able to write down what I’m thinking. At this
point in my life, I the only excuse I should have to not write when I know I
need to are when my migraines attack. Dealing with one of migraines are the
only moments when I don’t have enough control to write. That’s okay. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When you’re stuck with one piece, move on to
another. Write gibberish if you need to. Hey, stare at the words you’ve already
written. Re-read what you’ve already written, even if it’s the first 100 pages
of your novel. Whatever keeps your mind going. Just don’t stop writing. Personally,
I hop over to one of my other novels in progress. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As a writer, I find reading and writing to be my
medicine… Recently, it’s been writing that brings me more happiness than
reading. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">When you receive a
rejection from an agent, find 10 more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I have been trying to find an agent for my
writing and a home for <i>Café Francisco</i>.
This is not new news for my loyal readers, friends, and family. As all writers
are aware, this is a very difficult process. <i>AlhamduliAllah</i>, I have very supportive friends and family in my
life and an incredible mentor who has been a source of advice and comfort on
this journey. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have found that receiving a rejection is better
than never hearing back from an agent. Not hearing back keeps me wondering if
she ever read it or what could have gone wrong for her to skip over my email. Was
my story really that horrible?? This Tuesday I received my first real
rejection. I hope that it’s okay for me to share it (without naming names of
course)… If not, I’m sure one of my writer friends will alert me so I can edit
it out. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was sitting at the Toyota dealership waiting
while my car was being checked out. It was 10:20 AM when I decided to check my
email. There it was. A response to a query I had sent out five days prior. The
response was twenty-two minutes old. (Yes, I know the exact time.) I was
shocked that I had gotten a response from an agent who claimed it would take
her about six to eight weeks to get back to a query letter. I reluctantly
opened it:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: maroon;">Dear
Haneen,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">Thank you
for your query. After consideration we have decided not to pursue this project,
as it doesn't seem quite right for us. As you know, this is a highly subjective
business, and other agents are sure to feel differently. We wish you all the
best in your search and hope your book finds a good home soon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: none; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="color: maroon;">Regards,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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I went through a few reactions, all while feeling
numb. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Wow, that was a really nice rejection letter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->At least they responded back.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->I shouldn’t be surprised; I’m very familiar with
rejection. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->I can’t believe I just got rejected by my
favorite author’s agent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->What’s wrong with my story? Am I a horrible
writer? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->It was because my stories are colored with
multiculturalism and diverse characters, definitely not mainstream. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->7.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->I’m being an idiot. Reading is subjective. It’s
not like I would be willing to pick up every single book or story I laid eyes
upon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->8.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Their loss. There’s an agent out there who I can
trust with my work, will support what I love, and will find herself very lucky
when my novels break out in the publishing game. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoteLevel1CxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; tab-stops: .5in; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->9.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Patience grasshopper!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->10.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span><!--[endif]--><i>AlhamduliAllah</i>,
everything happens for a reason. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I wish I could say that I went home and went back
to writing or searching for more agents and sending out query letters. I’m
human. That numb feeling turned into sadness. I wanted to spend the rest of the
day sulking around my room. I couldn’t even pick up a book. Talking to my
family members felt like too much effort, which was difficult because that day
my mom needed help in the kitchen and later that night my younger sister needed
help with her English homework. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I went to bed early. A little after midnight.
That is really early for me. Needless to say, I didn’t fall asleep. I felt like
I needed to figure out why my story hasn’t been worthy of an agent. I turned to
<i>Allah swt</i> and spent much of the night
in massive <i>dua’</i> (supplication) as
always. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I woke up with new motivation. The agent who
responded represents my favorite author and her rejection gave me the greatest
push to find that perfect agent for my work. I copied and pasted that letter on
my desktop so that it can be there whenever I’m writing, researching more
agents, and sending out query letters. So, thank you Ms. Agent for reminding me
why I feel so strongly about my work and why it needs to be read! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Use what you find to be your weakness as your
greatest motivation to succeed. Be patient. It will come when you least expect
it… <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">Constantly remind
yourself why you write. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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ALWAYS remind yourself why you choose to write. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Whenever I need the inspiration I read my own
essay. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Works every time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-do-you-write.html">http://writerintuition.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-do-you-write.html</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Find what reminds you why you write. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: red; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Verdana;">7.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: red;">It’s okay to take a
break… Just not indefinitely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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This may seem contradictory to my number four tip
to myself. The reality is, rest is needed. For me, this is with the ability to
actually stop thinking about writing enough to sleep. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I heard sleep is good and healthy for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Find new ways to take a break. Everyone needs a
breather. Sometimes I take my writing with me when I go relax, but I find time
to clear my head. I love going to Coronado Island. It’s my favorite place in
all of San Diego. When I’m overwhelmed with basically everything and everyone
in my life, I hop into my car and head over to the island. It’s always a
spontaneous drive. Driving for me is one of my best breathers. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I take a pen and something to write in, never my
laptop. I always grab coffee at my favorite coffee cart and take a nice, long
walk around the area. I clear my head. I refocus my attention from my own
thoughts to the people and little details around me. It’s soothing. When I feel
like I’m ready again, I find my nook facing the ocean and return to writing.
For every page I write, I look up and take some time to breathe in the ocean
smells and watch the waves crashing against the rocks. I tune out the world
around me. It’s just me and the ocean. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I can’t always abandon my responsibilities or my
“to do” list for the day. Another way to find motivation or just inspiration is
to find a new place to write or mix up your writing spots, even if it’s writing
in a new spot in the same coffee shop or library you always seem to find
yourself. Sometimes the familiar is the best for a specific story or piece. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Find what works for you. Just remember to
breathe! <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am OCD
and love my odd numbers, so I stopped my list there. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I hope
that my dear, fellow writers were able to find something of substance from this
list of reminders I have written for myself. Essentially, we write because it
gives us peace. I know that the road will forever be full of dense trees and
scary monsters and the waters are just as rough, but I love it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Write on!
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Salaam, <o:p></o:p></div>
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Hanoon<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Haneen Oriqathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12368833265238102590noreply@blogger.com